The Card of Loneliness
Disclaimer : The beliefs, religious or
otherwise, expressed in this short story are not necessarily those of the
author.
Chris Kelly is unhappy with the cards life has dealt him. Fortunately
he learned before he grew too old that something can be done about it.
There is a force which watches over and guides mankind and Chris Kelly,
still in his twenties, has learned how to contact it. The more he discovered
about it, the more fascinated he became with most people's misconceptions
about the supreme being.
Chris now laughs openly at those who believe in God and the Devil.
There is nothing spiritual about the notions of Good and Evil, which the
Holy Father and his Fallen Angel chiefly represent. Nature and the universe
are completely impartial; only people can be Good or Bad. Still, like most
legend and fantasy, the God idea contains a kernel of truth : an indication
of the universal principle of Balance.
Chris smirks at those who believe in Fate or Destiny. Fate is cruel,
Destiny is ironic, and both are fixed, unchanging, not negotiable.
The supreme being is, in fact, neither good nor evil, neither judgemental
nor nurturing. It is completely impartial and, although the cards dealt
to the players can wreak consequences cruel or ironic, they are by no means
fixed or inalterable. Chris now prepares to face the supreme being. It
never refuses to see its players. One only has to ask, as Chris had dared
to. He sits at the table nervously rumming his fingers.
Presently, the being sits down at the table and faces Chris. They are
alone, and Chris can talk freely, bare his soul without shame. Chris takes
a deep breath and addresses ... The Dealer.
"I want to swap two of my cards" Chris boldly declares.
No reason to beat about the bush with the Almighty.
"Which two, and why ?" inquires The Dealer in resonant, mighty
tones. "I respect your request of swap, but I must hear the reason.
The vast majority of players settle for what I have dealt them."
Chris replies earnestly. "Many would look at my hand, if they
could, and say that You, The Dealer, have done me well. They point to my
abilities, my potential for great achievement, and openly declare their
envy. But I am empty inside. I cannot love or be loved. As the old cliche
says, I am an island."
"So the first card you offer is ..."
"... the Card of Loneliness" completes Chris. He has finally
spoken The Words. Tingling, acid pain envelopes his body as he encapsulates,
in just four words, the source of his life's desolation.
"And the reason ?" prompts The Dealer. "This card is
one of the most numerous in the deck. It is so widespread as to be known
to every individual at almost every time of his or her life."
This makes Chris flush red. "Now you're baiting me, aren't you
?" His tone became violent. "The reason it's universal is because
You distribute it so widely !" Now he is shouting. "What kind
of vicious tyrant are you to cause so much needless suffering ?"
In response, The Dealer simply sits and stares placidly at Chris until
he calms down. Being the caretaker of human nature, One sees every human
emotion displayed daily, millions of times over.
Shamed into a less troubled emotional state, Chris offers an apology.
The Dealer dismisses this with a wave of the hand.
"Chris, I understand. You are upset because of the hurt this card
has caused you, so you righteously blasted me, the Almighty, on behalf
of the rest of humanity. Think about this, Chris : is Loneliness always
a bad thing ? Many players consider other short suits to be far greater
handicaps."
Chris scratches his head. "Intellectually I can see that. But
in my heart I will never accept that there is any pain greater than life
in an emotional desert."
"That is your opinion and I accept it" replies The Dealer.
Being the custodian of human opinion made One affable. "Now, the second
card."
"Achievement comes easily to me. My life has been one of outward
attainment. And I know that I still have a long way to go before I reach
the pinnacle. But each new victory serves only to heighten my anguish.
I have come to associate wordly triumph with personal failure."
"So the second card you offer ... ?"
"As an inducement to take the Card of Loneliness, I offer my Card
of Success."
Many players had offered anything in their bid for the Card of Success.
They would beg, plead, cajole, threaten and, above all, pitch outrageous
deals. Absolutely anything was fair game if only they could have this Card
in their hand. The Card of Success was a rare find, and few who possessed
it offered it back, though some had it taken from them.
But the universal law of Balance must also be satisfied, and just one
player giving up the Success Card could significantly tip the scales. Therefore,
care and discretion are required here.
"Chris, I am going to show you what you may be giving up if you
go through with this."
Chris is awestruck. "You mean ... ?"
"Yes Chris, I'm going to give you a preview of your future."
The scene changes. The Dealer takes Chris five years into his future,
then ten, then twenty. Chris quivers inside. One by one he sees all of
his boldest goals realised. National fame in his early thirties. International
fame and the admiration of millions of lesser players by his early forties.
Chris feels lifted to heaven.
But he falls back to earth with a resounding thud as he notices ...
He studies the face of the man he would become. The winds of age had
reshaped the features and appearance ... yet it had not changed.
It was still the face of a lonely man.
This realisation shakes Chris hard, but not as much as the look in
the older man's eyes, his eyes of tomorrow. They are windows into the soul
of a man no longer a man. He is nothing but a lifeless suit of walking
armour, an invulnerable frame which has outlived its original purpose,
to protect the man encased within. The armour protects only emptiness.
"No !" Chris yells. "No measure of success is worth
that sort of existence. My offer stands."
The Dealer brings him back to the table at which they had met. "So
be it, Chris. Do you understand the conditions of the swap?"
"Yes. My Success Card can be exchanged only for the Mediocrity
Card."
"And the reason ?"
"Failures generally outnumber successes, but Mediocrities must
far outnumber both, in order that the universal Balance be preserved. Genuine
failures are far less common than most players imagine. The majority of
people who believe they hold the Card of Failure never realise (or perhaps
refuse to believe) that they were actually dealt the Card of Mediocrity."
"Correct. And your second card ?"
"In exchange for any card offered for swap, except Success, the
player must accept a card drawn from the pack at random. The player is
free to decide if it is he or The Dealer who draws."
"Fine. Now, hand me the two cards offered. Here's your Mediocrity
Card. Do you wish me to draw the second card ?"
"No. The responsibility shall be mine."
Chris closes his eyes and takes a card from the stock pack. With trembling
hands, he draws the card to his face and opens his eyes. He gulps hard.
"Do you regret your choice, Chris ?"
Chris's anxiety departs as suddenly as it had arrived.
"No. It's a very fair deal."
Chris returns to earth and begins the life he had always wanted ...
with some drawbacks. His parents are shocked at the declining motivation
of their once-brilliant son. This superman who had once looked like taking
on the world and winning had collapsed in a heap.
But that didn't bother Chris much. It was his life. Over the following
years he leads a happy but unspectacular life, while his brother, who had
shown little aptitude for anything, begins to make astounding progress
in giant leaps.
Ten years after Chris visited The Dealer, his many new friends and
recently started family are horrified at his untimely and pointless demise
in a car accident. After examining the wreckage, Police forensic agents
report that it could almost not have happened. It was as though the two
cars had wanted to collide.
Watching overhead, The Dealer gathers Chris Kelly's cards, and sorts
them nimbly and quickly. Except for the last one. It is the one Chris had
drawn from the deck. The Dealer dwells on it for a moment.
The Card of Early Death.
But One can't spend time on sentiment or regret. There are other hands
to deal, other decks to stack.
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