METRIC CONVERSIONS

• Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to it’s diameter = Eskimo Pi
• 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton
• 1 millionth of a mouthwash = I microscope
• Time between slipping on a banana peel and hitting the pavement = one bananosecond.
• Time it takes to sail 220 meters at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knot-furlong.
• 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = I Rod Serling.
• Half of a large intestine = 1 semicolon.
• 1000 aches = 1 megahurtz.
• Basic unit of laryngitis = 1 hoarsepower.
• Shortest distance between two jokes = a straight line.
• 1 million million microphones = 1 megaphone.
• 365.25 days = I unicycle.
• 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds.
• 10 playing cards = 1 decacards.
• 1 kilogram of falling figs = I Fig Newton.
• 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen.

YOUR HORRORSCOPE

By Phoebe

Aries (March 21-April 19) You who are born under this sign are strong of character and can be counted on to see things through, regardless of how stupid and impossible the goal seems. What are stone walls to others are challenges to you. You should try to balance this strength with compassion for your fellow man, although because of your pigheadedness you will no doubt plunge headfirst into one bad situation after another, all of which will turn sour and in the process you will probably lose the few friends you have left, if any. Many dictators, criminals, no-gooders, crooked politicians, pimps, prostitutes, judges, gamblers, no accounts, wastrels and washboard players are born under this sign.

(Thanks to Plain Folks , Fresno, Calif.)

 

So Sayeth: Robb Edmonds San Jose, California (self portrait)

SAYINGS OF DUBIOUS DISTINCTION

• It is better to have too little than not enough
• East is East & West is West! So What!
• Days come and days go...But Where?

 

 

“Some people say I’m a fat, sloppy, stupid washboard player. What do you say to that?”

“I find you neither fat nor sloppy…”

“Thank You!”

“I’m not finished yet, stupid!”