Crime on Earth


E.T. Hack
Chapter One

E.T. Hack, galaxy-trotting journalist from Planet Dirt, lands in the Australian outback and starts his expose of Earth’s crime scene with the aid of the Guilt Detector and Confession Ray. Hack’s odyssey takes in all inhabited continents and numerous towns and cities, covers a vast spectrum of crimes ranging from horse-doping to genocide, and involves many changes of identity and several of sex. Hack is not afraid to get his hands dirty: in Sydney he joins the mob as a drug mule and goes to Bangkok, where he adopts a victim of pedophilia and takes her to Tokyo to have her virginity restored. She is abducted, first by the Yakuza and then by the Parrot Truth Religion, before dying in a battle between the two. In Los Angeles, Hack founds Serial Killers Anonymous and follows the freon trail to Mexico, where he becomes a masked wrestler and unmasks police corruption and interviews a ghost who reveals a terrible secret. In Colombia, he sees the connection between cocaine and civil war close-up and barely survives, but escapes in a canoe through the burning Amazon jungle and makes it to Rio, where he becomes a sexologist to explore the nexus between violence and sexuality.

     In London, Hack enters the world of fundamentalist terrorism, and becomes the middleman in a deal to acquire the atomic ‘suitcase bomb’, while challenging Earth’s cybercriminals: hack into my fridge if you can! In Tel Aviv he meets Mr Big and becomes involved in a huge money-laundering diamond deal which leads him to the jungles of the Congo, where he meets the perpetrators of the Rwandan genocide and hears rumours about the dreaded Dr X, whom he tracks down in her secret laboratory, weaponising the Ebola virus. Hack’s questions about Earth are answered, and he departs before the impending apocalypse, assisted by the Galactic Groove Sampler, the Milky Way’s hippest robot.

copyright Peter Tonkin 2004