By Quentin Pinner: (Photo: Quentin Pinner)
On Sunday 8 September at Wakefield Park Racetrack Mr Geoff Hoad and I will determine if 'wide' is better than 'narrow'.
Mr Hoad has a definite advantage here. His car is younger (94 vs 91), he has less hair than I do (weight saving), he has a modern twin cam, multi valve engine whereas I have a single cam engine, he has nice, compliant 225/60/15 tyres whereas I am burdened with squat, chunky 235/45/17 tyres.
My car is saddled with a heavy rear spoiler and an auto dipping rear vision mirror plus an M5 front valance panel full of nasty holes and vents that upset the airflow.
I have to fumble around with 3 pedals and stir a recalcitrant gearbox while Mr Hoad can sit back and let a marvellous 5 speed automatic do all the work for him plus he has grooved rotors and EBC greens.
Despite my car having an aesthetic advantage Mr Hoad's car is technically superior so you see dear friends it does not bode well for the forces of good. The demeanour of the two drivers should also be considered, I am mild mannered and bashful whereas Mr Hoad's aggressive and competitive nature is well known.
Two erstwhile companions as befits a hero doing battle against overwhelming forces of darkness will accompany me. My pit crew boss is a seasoned campaigner and is responsible for letting down other people's tyres. This may seem unfair but please note the image of Mr Hoad caught red handed in this dastardly act. I am merely fighting fire with fire. My other companion is a neighbour, an American citizen no less, who will be lending moral support and is prepared to assume 'full responsibility' and then declare 'diplomatic immunity' should it all 'hit the fan'.
What I need from my wide grilled brethren is help. Any advice that you could give me that would help me triumph over Mr Hoad's demonic, black beast would be most appreciated.
I for my part will be doing my utmost to ensure that the noble calypsorot chariot is at its best:
It will be shiny and clean
The tyres will be blacked and the windows clean
The grille will sparkle
I am on a crash diet as off today (ok tomorrow….I am going out for dinner tonight)
I do have some questions:.
If a cold air intake is good would two be even better?
If removing a muffler liberates more power would I benefit from ditching the exhaust system altogether?
Do those cute little racing booties (that all the Porsche guys wear) make a difference?
If more 'air' is good should I drill holes in the inlet manifold to let more air in?
May the force be with you all.
Quentin the noble (and humble)