When I was a lad we stamped on grapes,
We jumped and gibbered like crazy apes.
We picked them carefully and threw them in
And jumped to burst them from out their skin.
I jumped and gibbered so, without capsize
That now I am the captain of the Enterprise.
At squashing grapes I made such a splash
That daddy let me add up all the family's cash.
I added it so freely and conservatively
That some of it was overlooked and came to me.
I augmented my allowance in such a wise
That now I am the Captain of the Enterprise!
My father sent me to private school
Where I studied hard and never played the fool.
When asked a question I learned with ease
To say, "Computer, the answer please!"
My ignorance thus I would disguise,
And now I am the Captain of the Enterprise
In class I learned the words and stuff
Which made me sound a science buff.
I hated all the maths and loved the Arts.
I went in plays in all the good parts.
I chewed the scenery and rolled my eyes,
And now I am the Captain of the Enterprise!
In Shakespeare's plays I rolled my vowels,
And learned to practice frowns and scowls.
As Cassius I learned the useful knack
Of stabbing my leader in the back.
For all these accomplishments I won the prize
And now I am the Captain of the Enterprise.
I went to the Academy, and lost my heart.
But they made me a new one, before I fell apart.
I learned to tell everyone what to do,
And say, "Make it so!" to any of the crew.
That is the reason, or so I surmise,
That I am the Captain of the Enterprise.
by Edward McArdle.