Image by Filippo Ricca
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Microsoft Corporation has just announced a new PC Keyboard designed specifically for Windows. Sources say a Macintosh variant is in the works. In addition to the keys found on the standard Keyboard, Microsoft's new design adds several new keys which will make your Windows computing even more fun! The final specs are not yet set, so please feel free to make suggestions. The keys proposed so far are: 1) GPF Key -- This key will instantly generate a General Protection Fault when pressed. Microsoft representatives state that the purpose of the GPF Key is to save Windows users time by eliminating the need to run an application in order to produce a General Protection Fault. 2) $$ Key -- When this key is pressed, money is transferred automatically from your bank account to Microsoft without the need for further action or third party intervention. 3) ZD Key -- This key was developed specifically for reviewers of Microsoft products. When pressed it inserts random superlative adjectives in any text which contains the words Microsoft or Windows within the file being edited. |
4) MS Key -- This key runs a Microsoft commercial entitled "Computing for Mindless Drones" in a 1" x 1" window. 5) FUD Key -- Some thing to do with the display ... self explanatory. 6) Chicago Key -- Generates do nothing loops for months at a time. 7) IBM Key -- Searches your hard disk for operating systems or applications by vendors other than Microsoft and deletes them. (Is very effective at removing Netscape). 8) MSN Key -- With a single keystroke you will install and setup the world's second slowest web access (AOL takes first place). And you thought it was tough deleting all of the SetupMSN files from Win 98! 9) RW95 Key -- Stands for Re-install Windows 98. Because it's usually a weekly ritual for most Win 98 users, why not make it easier? 10) FDISK Key -- Microsoft's new compression utility gives you 100% data compression guaranteed. Could stand for Format Disk, but we all know what it really stands for |
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Michael Jordan of the Chicago Bulls. What's he got to do with Bill Gates? In US dollars... Jordan will make over $300,000 a game, $10,000 a minute assuming he averages about 30 minutes a game. Assuming $40 mil in endorsements next year, he'll be making $178,100 a day (working or not)! Assuming he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see Independence Day, it'll cost him $7.00, but he'll make $18,550 while he's there. If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he'll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage (after the wage hike) He'll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. |
If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. He'll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be 'reimbursed' $33,390 for that round. He could take 1/100,000th of his income and buy some poor college student 5200 packages of Ramen. If you were given a tenth of a penny for every dollar he made, you'd be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. He'll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He'll make about $15,600 while the Boston Marathon is being run. While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he'll pull in about $5600. Next year, he'll make more than twice as much as all of the United States' past presidents for all of their terms combined. And something to cheer you up after all of this: Jordan will only have to have this income for 270 more years to have a net worth equivalent to that of Bill Gates. |
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Larry Brash's Microsoft & Bill Gates Joke Page.
