Microsoft & Bill Gates Jokes

More Gates Evil - Is Bill Gates the AntiChrist?

For those of you who still have the OLD excel 95 (not office 97), then try this out :

1. Open a new file

2. Scroll down until you see row 95

3. Click on the row 95 button, this highlights the whole row

4. Press tab, to move to the second column

5. Now, move your mouse and click on help THEN about microsoft excel

6. Press ctrl-alt-shift and click on the tech support button simultaneously

7. A WINDOW WILL APPEAR, TITLE : THE HALL OF TORTURED SOULS this is really eerie okay...it has a doom style format and you can walk all around the hall...and on the sides of the walls are the names of the tortured souls...

8. NOW WALK UP THE STAIRS AND THEN COME BACK DOWN, FACE THE BLANK WALK AND THEN TYPE IN EXCELKFA. This will open the blank wall to reveal another secret passage, walk through the passage and DO NOT fall off, when you get to the end, you will see something really, really eerie...

At this point of time, countless witnesses all over the world have verified this point...

It's really an eye opener. It could be a joke by MS programmers if not then it's for REAL! Wouldn't be surprise if Bill Gates was "The Antichrist", afterall it was already foretold in the Bible that someone powerful would rise up and lead the world to destruction. And Bill Gates definitely have that kind of power in his hands.

More than 80% of the world's computers run on Windows and DOS (including those at Pentagon!) If all his products have some kind of small program embedded (like this Hall of Tortured Souls) that can give him control, setting off nuclear arsenals, creating havoc in security systems, financial systems all over the world, etc . . . . . .all from his headquarters isn't a far off reality!

Just using Internet Explorer may just allow him to map out what you have on your computer bit by bit each time you log on. Perhaps the endtimes are near and this is just a tip of the iceberg.

"He also forced everyone, small and great, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on his right hand or on his forehead, so that no one could buy or sell unless he had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of his name. This calls for wisdom. If anyone has insight, let him calculate the number of the beast, for it is man's number. His number is 666." Revelation 13:16-18

If Mircosoft made cars

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the street for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal Operation" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

Follow Bill's smiling face to move from page to page.

Larry Brash's Microsoft & Bill Gates Joke Page.