Microsoft versus General Motors.

Bill Gates wanted to look good and impress everyone with his success. He decided to measure the accomplishments of Microsoft against General Motors The comparison went like this: If automotive technology had kept pace with computer technology over the past few decades, you would now be driving a V-32 instead of a V-8, and it would have a top speed of 10,000 miles per hour. (16,000km/hr)

Or you could have an economy car that weighs 30 pounds (14 kilos) and gets a thousand miles to a gallon of gas. In either case the sticker price of a new car would be less than $50. In response to all this goading, GM responds: "Yes, but would you really want to drive a car that crashes four times a day?"

The Frog

A young Bill Gates was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." Bill bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." Bill took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do 'anything' you want."

Again Bill took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally the frog asked,  "What is it? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do 'anything' you want. Why won't you kiss me?" Bill said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for girlfriends, but a talking frog is really cool."

Microsoft Acronyms

VISTA - Vastly Inferior Software To Apple's MICROSOFT -- Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers WINDOWS -- Will Install Needless Data On Whole System PENTIUM -- Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Mathematics  IBM -- I Blame Microsoft DOS -- Defective Operating System BASIC -- Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control PCMCIA -- People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms  BILL GATES --Became Insanely Lucrative Lunatic, Gains Assloads of Tokens Exporting Shitware

Clinton, Gore and Gates go to Heaven

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. They're up in Heaven, and God's sitting on the great white throne. God addresses Al first. "Al, what do you believe in?" Al replies, "Well, I believe that the combustion engine is evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if anymore freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we'll all die." God thinks for a second and says "Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left."

God then addresses Bill Clinton. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill Clinton replies, "Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people's pain." God thinks for a few seconds and says, "Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right." God then address Bill Gates. "Bill Gates, what do you believe?" Bill Gates said, "I believe you're in my chair."

Follow Bill's smiling face to move from page to page.

Larry Brash's Microsoft & Bill Gates Joke Page.