Windows at work

Is Windows a virus?

No, Windows is not a virus. Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly. Okay, Windows does that. Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so. Okay, Windows does that Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk. Okay, Windows does that, too. Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too

Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware Yup, that's with Windows, too Until now it seems Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature So, Windows is *not* a virus, it's a bug.

Microsoft Light Bulb Jokes

Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb? A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him. Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb? A1: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed. A2: None. They wait one week and then they make darkness as a standard. A3: None, Bill Gates just calls a meeting and changes the standard to darkness. A4: None, its a hardware problem. Q: How many operating systems are required to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one-Microsoft is making a special version of Windows for it.

Q: How many Windows programmers does it take to change a light bulb? A: 472. One to write WinGetLightBulbHandle, one to write WinQueryStatusLightBulb, one to write WinGetLightSwitchHandle... Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One, but she/he'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy for him as it would be for a Macintosh user. Q: How many MS tech supports does it take to change a light bulb? A: "The light bulb doesn't work? You must be using a non-standard socket. Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb? A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."

MS-Employee goes to Heaven

A poor employee had been suffering dreadfully during the building of Gates' infamous new home. The poor architect had used a Mac to undertake the interior and the wrath of Gates had fallen upon him. In fact, this guy was so distressed at the thought of using Windows in a design environment that he just got up one day and took his own life. He reappears at the gates of heaven where St.Peter is sitting with his clipboard. Nervously he walks up to St.Peter."Ah", St.Peter says, "you're the poor fellow who suffered at the hands of Gates. Don't worry, you're in heaven now. Everything is allright."Still quivering, the poor architect says: "At last, that's wonderfull. But you promise me that Bill Gates won't appear here."

St.Peter lets out a broad laugh: "Is the Pope Catholic ? You know what they say about rich men, needles and camels ... anyhow, we use Amigas..." Then, suddenly, beyond the pearly gates a familiar figure appears. The poor architect falls into an apoplectic fit: "Look, look, you told me he'd never find a place in heaven, but it's him." St.Peter turns around to see the sight. "Ah, no my son, that's God, he just thinks he's Bill Gates ..."

Microsoft Car problems

3 persons had a drive in a car: mechanical engineer, electrical engineer and Microsoft programmer. But the car suddenly broke down. Mechanical engineer said: "Hey! It has to be change gear. Lemme fix it."

The electrical engineer didn't agree: "It's magneto probably. I will fix it." Microsoft programmer shoke his head and said: "Hey guys, I have a simpler idea: Let's just close all the windows, get out of the car, get back into it, and it might be running!"

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Larry Brash's Microsoft & Bill Gates Joke Page.