Inside the castle courtyard.
$teve, captain Ken, and Robin the jester cross the courtyard of the castle. We see them walk past a pen containing many cows, a large wooden tub full of milk with servants mixing in chopped fruit, and a huge barrel, raised above the ground on a wooden platform.
Cut to $teve, Ken, and Robin walking out the castle gates and into the surrounding woods. They reach a grove, containing a large Stonehenge-style monolith in the centre and a small thatched hut to one side.
Outside the hut is a wooden bench and table, unoccupied, and a small fireplace with a bubbling pot. Sitting cross-legged next to the fire is a teenaged girl in druidical robes, writing on a scroll.
Closeup on the girl. She wears a hamster pelt as a hat and is quietly reciting the words as she writes:
LYNDAL: ...Hercules put his arm around Xena, and they both smiled proudly at their little baby boy.
She pauses to think, then looks up in surprise at the newcomers.
LYNDAL: Master Turtle!
MASTER TURTLE (inside the hut): What is it girl? Supper ready?
$TEVE (loudly): Old man!
From the interior of the hut we hear footsteps and bumping sounds. An old druid in worn robes slowly emerges and sits down at the bench. He is wearing a turtle shell on his head.
MASTER TURTLE: Sire, you honour me.
He doesn't look as if he's enjoying this honour: nervous and apprehensive.
$TEVE: Where are my cows?
MASTER TURTLE: Ah, well, um, something must have gone slightly wrong.
$TEVE: Have you failed me, old man?
Ken draws his sword out the scabbard with a nasty ringing sound.
MASTER TURTLE (quickly): No sire! The Larson stone brought back the cows, but, but, something or someone else must have tried to interfere and been caught in the sphere, and, and the extra weight displaced the arrival point. Not far, just a few miles at the most. You'll find them soon, sire.
$teve makes a "not yet" hand gesture at Ken, who sheathes his sword and stands back.
From off screen, Lyndal brings a steaming bowl and places it in front of Master Turtle. She hands him a spoon but before he can start eating $teve picks up the bowl.
$TEVE (softly): Old man, you'll only eat when I have what I want. Is that clear?
He empties the bowl onto the grass.
ROBIN: No broth for you!
Dead silence. Everyone looks at Robin with a puzzled expression.
Trevor, Mulder, and Scully on the trail. They are now walking together, Trevor in the centre with Mulder and Scully on either side.
MULDER: So this $teve character is interested in magic.
TREVOR: Aye, he always has some scheme afoot for causing trouble.
MULDER: And now he has a device with enough energy to breach the temporal barrier.
SCULLY (amused, sceptical): Which he uses to steal...cows.
MULDER (not reacting): The cows must be a necessary component for a larger plan. Is there some ritual or ceremony due to occur that could involve them?
TREVOR: A good notion. The festival of Conchobar is a day hence.
MULDER: The cauldron of Conchobar? So it does exist.
TREVOR (surprised): Of course it does. Don't you know of Conchobar in your land?
MULDER: Conchobar was a great king who owned a cauldron sacred to the gods. On the holy day a contest would be held to see if the cauldron could be filled with the milk of a single cow.
SCULLY: Doesn't sound too difficult.
TREVOR: Lass, I've seen the cauldron. A huge thing it is, and the finest cow of all the kingdoms could only fill it to a fingers depth.
MULDER: It had to be fresh milk, Scully. One days milking from dawn to dusk.
He glances at Trevor for confirmation. Trevor nods.
SCULLY: So what would happen if the cauldron did fill?
MULDER: The owner of the cauldron would receive his hearts desire.
TREVOR: Not the owner of the cauldron. It is kept as a trust by the priests of Conchobar. The owner of the cow is the one rewarded by the gods.
SCULLY (interested despite herself): Agricultural science has increased the yields of dairy cattle by more than an order of magnitude compared to ordinary breeds.
MULDER: Trevor, I think we can assume that $teve intends to fill the cauldron.
TREVOR (downcast): And the wight will wish for dominion over all Scotland.
Back to the grove with $teve, Ken, Robin, Master Turtle, and Lyndal.
LYNDAL: Who's that?
All turn to see the leader of the thugs (Tim) earlier beaten up by Trevor and Ingrid. His armour is ripped, he has a black eye, and a bandaged forearm.
TIM: Boss? They said you was here.
$TEVE: You found my cows? Or Trevor?
TIM: Yeah, we found the cows, but Trevor and Ingrid done take them off us.
KEN (sneering): You and your men couldn't handle an old man and a woman?
TIM: They had help! There was two other strangers what we thought was them, so we got ambushed by the real ones.
MASTER TURTLE: Strangers? With the cows?
MASTER TURTLE: That must be why the transfer failed.
$TEVE: And now these strangers are helping Trevor.
Which way were they going?
TIM: Trevor and the strangers is headed right towards us, boss.
He starts to pace, and nearly bumps into Tim.
$TEVE: Bleed somewhere else!
Tim moves to the edge of the grove and half-heartedly examines the damage to his armour.
$TEVE (still pacing): Old man, can you send the strangers back?
MASTER TURTLE: No sire! Reversing the spell would destroy the stone in the backflow. And they would have to be here in the grove to be affected.
KEN: Sire, if they're coming this way they will be camping near the valley of death.
$TEVE: Trevor wouldn't be silly enough to wake the Nuckalavee.
KEN: But Master Turtle could, with a spell. We'd need some bait to lure it towards Trevor.
$TEVE: Not a cow. They're too useful.
$teve stops and looks at Tim, standing oblivious to the conversation. $teve grins evilly.
$TEVE: Captain, invite that man for a meal tonight.
We see Ingrid leading the cows from the opening scene along a well trodden broad dirt road. Just beyond the road we see a wooden fence, the boundary for an expanse of green pasture with small clumps of cows grazing here and there.
The road reaches a wooden gate with a large sign above reading "Free Range Milk." A middle aged centaur trots up to the other side of the gate as Ingrid arrives.
CENTAUR: Good to see you again Ingrid.
INGRID: I have some more guests for you.
CENTAUR: (appraising the cows) Magnificent animals. Where did you find them?
The centaur starts opening the gate.
INGRID: It's very strange. Trevor and I rescued them on the road, but there were no tracks in any direction. It's as if they appeared by magic.
The gate swings open. Ingrid points, and the cows walk through.
CENTAUR: Stay for dinner?
INGRID: I can't. I have to catch up with Trevor.
CENTAUR (shutting gate): Ingrid, when are you going to settle down with a farm of your own?
INGRID: While men, women, and cows are ruled by injustice, I must continue to fight.
CENTAUR: Next time perhaps. Fare thee well.
Cut to $teve, Ken, and Robin walking back in through the castle gates.
$TEVE: The Nuckalavee will take care of Trevor. And about time.
KEN: What about Ingrid?
$TEVE: I have a more subtle plan for her. She'd make a useful servant.
Back to Trevor, Mulder, and Scully, walking up a gentle hill. The long shadows and subdued light indicate that it is late afternoon. At the top of the rise Trevor stops suddenly.
TREVOR: What the...
Ahead along the trail are eight people, unarmed and in brightly coloured clothes. They are moving slowly, almost drifting, towards Trevor. As they come closer it can be seen that they are somewhat dazed looking, yet happy.
SEBASTIEN: Hi there!
LEITH: We're all looking for $teve. Are you?
TREVOR (dumbfounded): You're looking for the Mispelt One?
CHRIS (giggling): We think so.
ROB: We think he's great.
Mulder holds up one hand to stop a woman, Ngaire. She looks at his hand, goes cross-eyed, and stops, swaying slightly.
MULDER: What do you think Scully?
SCULLY: That we're crossing from the medieval park into a Woodstock revival?
MULDER: This is no drug I've ever seen.
Scully glances at Ngaire, then steps closer and stares into her eyes.
SCULLY: The eyes are dilated but none of the other signs of opiates.
She checks the pulse at the wrist. Ngaire doesn't seem to notice.
SCULLY: Pulse rate is unusually low.
She lets go of Ngaires wrist and steps back.
SCULLY: You're right Mulder.
Trevor starts walking again. He looks back impatiently.
TREVOR: Come on.
SCULLY: You're just going to leave these people?
MULDER: We should take them with us.
TREVOR: No lad. The local villagers are good folk and will look after them. They'll be safer here than with us. Do you see that valley?
He points to a dark, thickly forested gap in the hills to their left, a couple of kilometres away.
TREVOR: That's where the great beast, the Nuckalavee, sleeps. The three of us can avoid it if we're quiet, but any more would bring it down upon us.
SCULLY: Do we get to eat and sleep, or is this some kind of endurance test?
TREVOR: We'll camp just inside the edge of the woods tonight.
Inside the valley of death. Dark trees that block the sun, mist flowing between the trunks. The cawing of a raven on a bare tree limb does not hide the steady rumbling sound of a great beast snoring somewhere nearby.
The snoring stops. The raven quickly flutters away.
Back to Trevor, Mulder, and Scully. It is now dark, and they are sitting around a small fire for warmth.
MULDER: Like being a kid again.
SCULLY: I'd prefer a McDonalds and a hotel myself.
TREVOR (puzzled): The McDonald clan are a weeks ride south of here.
SCULLY: I've been thinking about those people we met earlier. I read a paper recently describing a similar condition in primates that had been injected with seratonimorphin.
SCULLY: A synthetic protein compound. Dopamine peptides that induced a pliant, suggestive state and enzymes that made the sequence self replicating within the host. But as a side effect it also affected the involuntary muscle system, slowing the heart rate to dangerous levels.
MULDER: You think that's what they took?
SCULLY: The problem is Mulder, I don't see how. It's not something you can extract from a plant, or brew up in a factory. It has to be genetically engineered.
The valley of death. The camera is five metres above the ground, pushing slowly and inexorably through the trees to the sound of heavy footsteps and breaking branches. Into view comes Tim, struggling against the ropes that tie him to a tree and making muffled noises through a gag.
The camera bends towards Tim. He looks up and struggles frantically. The shadow obscures him and there is a horrid crunching sound. Then the camera reaches right down to ground level and we hear loud sniffing sounds as the Nuckalavee finds the trail and starts to move on.
Back to Trevor, Mulder, and Scully. The fire has died down. In the dim predawn light we see that Mulder and Scully are sleeping. Trevor is sitting with a sword across his lap.
A twig snaps. Trevor stands, alert, with sword in hand.
With an ear splitting roar the horned dragon-like head of the Nuckalavee lunges at him. Trevor dodges and swings his sword at the neck, causing only a loud clanging sound and no damage to the beast.
Ground level shot of Mulder and Scully waking up in shock.
SCULLY: Special effects at this hour of the morning?
MULDER: That must be the Nuckalavee.
SCULLY: It's a couple of guys in a suit.
A loud roar, Trevors war cry, and another clang. A spiked tail whizzes through the air, causing Mulder and Scully to duck.
MULDER: Whatever it is, I think we should get out of the way.
They start crawling backwards.
Trevor swings two handed at the jaw of the Nuckalavee. His sword breaks and he has to hastily dive and roll.
Mulder and Scully are watching from the shelter of nearby trees. Clangs, yells, and roars punctuate their conversation.
MULDER (concerned): Trevor doesn't seem to be harming it. I can't see any blood.
SCULLY (enjoying the show): Of course not.
MULDER: I remember! In the time of Arthur, a Nuckalavee could only
be slain by a blow to the horn above the left eye.
TREVOR: Save yourselves! It's too strong for me!
MULDER: Hit the horn over the left eye! It's the only way it can be killed!
The beast lunges again. Trevor sidesteps and brings his sword down on the horn protruding above the eye. It shatters and green ichor sprays.
The Nuckalavee roars, but in agony now, and thrashes about. The roars subside and it slowly sinks down dead.
Trevor stands tiredly in the pale dawn light, leaning on his sword. Mulder and Scully join him.
TREVOR: I thought I was done for there lad. Thank you.
MULDER: Well, you were saving our lives too.
SCULLY: Mulder, it's a robot. I'll show you. Trevor, do you have a knife?
Trevor unties a bundle on his belt. It unfolds to reveal seventeen knives of different sizes and shapes. Scully selects a small straight knife and approaches the dead monster with a determined expression. Fade out.
Fade in. It is now the bright daylight of early morning. Trevor is cleaning his many swords, while Mulder leans against a tree. The ground is littered with bones, claws, teeth, and unidentifiable internal organs. Scully is holding the spiked tail tip, the only remaining piece of any size. She slices the knife along a joint line and green ichor trickles out. She drops the tail.
SCULLY (to Mulder): All right, it's real.
The camera pulls back. We see one of $teves warriors peeking round a tree at the scene. He looks pale and frightened, and turns to sneak away.
SCULLY: I admit it. We have travelled in time, and we do need to find this Mispelt One to send us back. Satisfied?
Continued in part three