The "WHY DOGS ARE BETTER" Joke List

A selection of a few jokes sent to me from around the world.

Being female, I reserve the right to list the men jokes first.

But so as to be politically correct, I have also included
the women jokes as well

Remember, they are JOKES and not meant to offend anyone

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WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN MEN

• Dogs do not have problems expressing affection in public.

• You never wonder whether your dog is good enough for you.

• Dogs do not play games with you -- except fetch
  (and they never laugh at how you throw).

• Dogs are happy with any video you choose to rent, because
  they know the most important thing is that you're together.

• Dogs don't feel threatened by your intelligence.

• You can train a dog.

• Gorgeous dogs don't know they're gorgeous.

• The worst social disease you can get from dogs is fleas.
  (OK. The *really* worst disease you can get from them
  is rabies, but there's a vaccine for it, and you get to kill the one that gives it to you.)

• Dogs understand if some of their friends cannot come inside.

• Dogs think you are a culinary genius.

• You can force a dog to take a bath.

• Middle-aged dogs don't feel the need to abandon you for a younger owner.

• Dogs aren't threatened by a woman with short hair.

• Dogs aren't threatened by two women with short hair.

• Dogs don't step on the imaginary brake.

• Dogs do not care whether you shave your legs.

• Dogs aren't threatened if you earn more than they do.

• Dogs never hog the remote control, and they never
  change channels when you're out of the room.

WHY DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME

• Both take up too much space on the bed.

• Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaners.

• Both are threatened by their own kind.

• Both mark their territory.

• Neither tells you what's bothering them - you have to guess.

• Both tend to smell riper with age.

• The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

• Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

• Neither does any dishes.

• Both fart shamelessly.

• Neither of them notices when you get your hair cut.

• Both like dominance games.

• Both are suspicious of the postman.

• Neither knows how to talk on the telephone.

• Neither understands what you see in cats.

WHY MEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

• Men only have two feet that track in mud.

• Men can buy you presents.
  

• Men don't have to play with every man they see when you take them around the block.
  

• Men don't eat cat turds on the sly.
  

• Men can open their own cans.
  

• Men can do math stuff.

• Holiday Inns accept men.

WHY DOGS ARE BETTER THAN WOMEN

• When a dog licks your ear it has no ulterior motive.

• Dogs quite happily sit and watch the football/ cricket/ motor racing without complaining.

• Dogs don't want to take you shopping.

• Dogs don't say "YOU DID WHATTTT!!!".

• They don't expect you to change a tyre for them.

• Dogs don't complain when a light bulb blows.
  

• There's a longer time between bouts of PMS with a dog.

• Dogs don't mind if you leave the seat up, in fact they prefer it.

• Dogs don't mind if they don't get flowers.

• Dogs don't get suspicious if they DO get flowers.

• Dogs don't invite their mothers over to stay.

• Dogs don't like cats.

• There is no incorrect wash cycle for a dog's clothes.

• Dogs don't make remarks about your mates and their habits.

• Dogs bite the Avon lady.

• A dog's already have a fur coat and Greenpeace don't mind.

• Dogs don't care what you say to other drivers.

• Dogs will defend you if you say too much to other drivers.

• A dog doesn't care if you talk to your neighbour's
  wife/ daughter over the fence.

WHY DOGS AND WOMEN ARE THE SAME

• Neither open the bonnet and check anything from one year to the next.

• Both ignore "Wet Paint" signs.

• Both do silent little farts and then look at you.

• Both leave their scent wherever they go.

• Both sniff you for any strange scents.

• Neither understands cash flow.

• Neither can paint.

• Neither will change a fuse.

• Both shed their hair all over the house.

• Neither will wash or polish the car.

• Both try to look cute until you take them home permanently..

WHY WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN DOGS

• Women rarely pee on your car's wheels.

• Women can cook. (and do the washing and ironing)

• Women don't normally drag their butt along the ground whilst you're talking to friends.

• Women generally smell better.

• Women don't step on your crotch quite so frequently (thank goodness).

• Women don't dig holes in your new lawn.

• Women rarely hump your leg in public.

• Women don't chew on your shoes.

• Women are allowed in most restaurants.

• Women can let themselves out when they need a pee at 2am.