David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

THE YOBBO

The Yobbo, also known as a Yob, is an animal - a total animal - which is closely related to the Wacker, yet is quite different. Whereas the Wacker is often mistaken for an ordinary person, the Yobbo is distinguishable on sight.

The ancestry of the Yobbo is uncertain but it seems likely from its appearance that it's a cousin of the sloth. Its stomach is distinctly hemispherical - a side-effect of its diet which is mainly fermented hops. It drags its feet along the ground when walking and one of its hands is permanently bent into a curve the exact radius of a beer can. It also usually has overdeveloped muscles on the same arm, for a variety of reasons.

The Yobbo however is not always slow moving. In the presence of other Yobbos, such as at football grounds where they gather in their hundreds, it can become very aggressive, prone to foaming at the mouth, and at the can. Yobbos will also go into a frenzy at the sight telephone boxes which they attack it, tearing the phone books limb from limb and most remarkable they have a deep hatred and fear of women at whom they scream abuse as they drive past quickly in their cars. This reaction naturally causes profound problems with reproduction and in fact explains why the only sort of mates that Yobbos usually have, are other Yobbos.

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