David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

WEATHER FORECASTER

Many years ago when television as first invented, scientists discovered an extraordinary phenomenon. No matter how many stories were included in the news each night, the news program always ended four minutes before the hour.

Looking for something to fill in the gap, researchers came up with a species called the Weather Forecaster. The first Forecasters were dull brown creatures often with poor eyesight that were almost incapable of facial expression or fluid bodily movement. Today modern breeding techniques have succeeded in producing the supercaster, or personality weather person.

This superbly well proportioned, healthy looking specimen stands confidently in front of a multi-layered chart with a wide smile and speaks with great assurance of atmospheric conditions. There still remains however, a genetic problem with the eyes that causes them to constantly look in one direction while pointing at the chart in another.

The old-style Forecaster used to make some attempt to realistically predict the following day's weather but this was found to produce widespread depression particularly amongst the populations of Melbourne and Hobart. So the modern Weathercaster explains events in the Upper Atmosphere, compares the day's temperatures with the past ten years' averages and covers the screen with statistics from around the continent with the result that, by the end of the bulletin, the viewer is still happily oblivious as to whether it is going to rain tomorrow or not.

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