David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

THE UPPER CLASS

The species known as the Upper Class is varied but in general the males tend to be red and bulbous; the females thin, brown and wrinkly.

They are extremely shy creatures that live in huge nests protected by high fences. When they do venture out into public they often employ camouflage as a means of not being noticed. For example, the females often disguise themselves as other animals such as polar bears, foxes or sables. They will also protect their necks, wrists and fingers with hard metal bands which are in turn covered with sharp, vitreous stones, designed to scratch any would-be attacker. The male Upper Class member has also been known to protect itself by exhaling noxious clouds of smoke from the rolled Havana tobacco leave in its mouth.

They are often mistaken for, but should not be confused with,  Oligos Vulgaris or the Common or Garden Rich who can be seen sailing their flashy yachts around Queensland Marinas or buying waterfront property in Sydney. The True or Pedigree Upper Class are unique in being able to trace their ancestry all the way back to the thieves and charlatans of the 19th century as opposed to merely the 20th. 

The Upper Class seem to be a biological anomaly and the explanation for their characteristics seem to suggest that they are in a way, relics of a bygone era. At present, due to a world shortage of caviar and Napoleon Brandy, their staple diet, they are under threat of extinction. However a National Park has now been established where these creatures can live in their natural habitat surrounded by other species that live symbiotically with them. It's called Melbourne.

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