David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

THE TECHNICIAN

There is almost no form of environment on earth that does not have some form of life that has adapted to it. In this modern age of electronics many biologists have wondered if new life forms might not develop to inhabit the new world of microchips, transistors and printed circuits. The answer is that there are organisms which thrive in this environment and they are called Technicians.

The Technician is remarkable in many ways. Like a virus, it exists inside a hard impenetrable shell but, unlike viruses, it is not activated by human contact. Technicians remain torpid and lethargic in the presence of living creatures yet spring to life when introduced to gadgets.

They do not eat or drink but rather seem to draw energy directly from the transistors and capacitors in the system itself and will work frantically for hours relentlessly tracing circuits with the small screwdriver they always carry in their top pocket and therein lies the danger of technicians.

One must be careful never to mention even the smallest fault in a piece of equipment to a technician or they will have your video-recorder in pieces on the lounge room floor within seconds. This response would not be a problem except that, when repairing one fault, technicians always seem to create three more. Thus the repair cycle is never-ending. Even with perfectly good gadgets, the Technician will decide that the unit is not performing to its optimum capacity and will set about modifying it.

The best thing to do if confronted with a Techinican is to take them out to garage and show them an old clock radio that is broken. This may give you enough time to get the compact disk player hidden under the bed.

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