David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

THE INTERIOR DECORATOR

It is an extraordinary fact of nature that some human species have so much money that they have to hire others to spend it for them. A special creature has even been specially bred for the purpose. It is called the Interior Decorator and it is the result of crossing a Builder with a Hairdresser.

The result of this union is a creature that prefers not to have a nest of its own but rather to occupy the nests of others, which like a bower bird it personalises by smearing the walls with ochre and dragging in a vast assortment of bric-a-brac called "decor".

It is a rare and delicate species which must be treated with great care for it is so sensitive that even so much as too-deep a chartreuse can cause it profound distress. It spends much time trying to get things to match and when they don't it is prone to shriek and go into an anxiety state.

Tragically the constant breeding required to maintain the strain has taken its toll and recent generations of Interior Decorator appear to be suffering from hereditary colour-blindness which accounts for why most contemporary decor is dominated by muted pastels and 250 shades of grey. They can still be found however, on most days, busily fossicking through fabric samples in the more expensive parts of Toorak and Unley, though if you wish to see one up close, it would be advisable not to wear stripes on stripes.

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