David Rabbitborough's A to Z of Australian Species

 

THE HAIRDRESSER

Many years ago n there lived in Australia a creature called the Barber. This slow lumbering cousin of the sheep shearer existed by grooming others and made a constant snipping noise while chattering incessantly at the same time. However, with the coming of the nuclear age, this species has undergone a series of dramatic and devastating mutations.

The bizarre and sometimes grotesque descendants of the barber are known by many names The Stylist, The Sculptor, The Cutter and The Designer but all have now been shown to be basically the one species - The Hairdresser.

The extraordinary features of these individuals occur mainly from the scalp up and no two are alike. Their habitat is a cold, hard alcove walled with mirrors called the Salon. Members of other species that accidentally wander into this salon are seized and tied into chairs by cloths around their necks. The Hairdresser then proceeds to attack their hair in a grotesque parody of the behaviour of their ancestors.

Research has shown that the process of mutation which these creatures have suffered has not only affected their heads. They are also deaf and so completely ignore all pleas from the person in the chair and do exactly what they like. They are also colour blind, which has resulted in ghastly disfigurement of some of the victims. An attack by one of these creatures can leave a victim in a state of shock for weeks.

In this condition victims may themselves begin to engage in strange behaviour such as going to discos, buying clothes at Katies or reading The Face magazine. Some suffer permanent mental damage so much so that they even return to the salon for further savagings until they begin to resemble hairdressers themselves.

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