Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

April 2003
Have you ever tried to talk to someone who is in a hysterical state and not making sense?  Who hasn’t?  It’s so frustrating. 
Janet was trying to reason with her daughter Amy.  “Please don’t just drop your clothes where you take them off” said Janet in a calm voice.  “If you could just put them in the dirty clothes basket, it makes it easier for all of us”.
Amy was quick to react “You’re always picking on me, you never have anything good to say about me”.  “Look” said Janet “this isn’t about criticism, it’s about consideration for other people”.  Amy raised her voice in anger, “You find fault with everything I do.  Nobody else attacks me like you do”.  “My friends at school say that I am really easy to get on with.” 
“Your friends at school don’t have to live with you and trip over your dirty clothes”.  “Right,that’s it” screamed Amy “I’m never going to do anything for you ever again”.  Amy raced out of the room slamming doors and cursing as she left.
The hurricane had past and Janet reviewed the damage.  She felt upset and shaken.  “What did I say that was so wrong”? she asked herself.
Many of us who have had teenage children have faced this situation.  But it’s not just teenagers who do this.  I know of some adults who behave this way.  I really a form of cheating.  Amy knows that she can’t win the argument about the clothes using fair means, so she tries to manipulate using foul means. Amy is not doing this consciously, so she is not aware that she is behaving irrationally.
This denial of her self awareness makes Amy difficult to deal with.  Even though an over-reactive person like Amy is difficult to deal with, there are some basic guidelines to follow.
The first is, don’t get drawn into the fight.  Stay calm while those around you fly off the handle.  If Janet were to fight back, Amy would feel even more the victim of her so called  “abusive mother”.
The second rule is to not be sidetracked.  Stick to the point no matter how many red herrings are thrown at you.  This is called the broken record technique.  Keep repeating your point.
The third rule is to try and introduce some negative consequence for the person who is being hysterical.  This is not always easy to do.  But sometimes it is the only way that the hysterical person will be forced to look at what they are doing.