Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

June 2006
“Alice just won’t keep her room clean no matter what I say or do”.  Patricia was at her wits end with her 15 year old daughter Alice.  Nothing Patricia did seemed to make any difference. 
Alice would say, “I’ll tidy my room as soon as I get home from school today – I promise”.  It just didn’t happen.  Lets have a look at what is going on in this family to try and find out why.  Patricia was a good mum but when it came to discipline, she had difficulties being strong enough.  Patricia could only take a strong stand when she got angry.
There was a repeating pattern.  Alice would promise to tidy her room but then wouldn’t do it.  Patricia would nag and threaten Alice.  Only when Patricia reached the end of her tether would she get angry.  Then there would be a heated argument between mother and daughter.
Alice would then tidy her room and be grumpy and resentful towards her mother.  Patricia would be filled with guilt and remorse for over reacting and would apologize to her daughter.  That would be the end of it until the next time Patricia wanted Alice to do something Alice didn’t want to do.
The pattern kept repeating.  Patricia sought some help in managing Alice better.  Her counsellor helped her to change her anger into assertiveness.  It took quite some time for Patricia to learn how to change.  She got lots of encouragement and support from her counsellor.
Patricia learned to say “I would like your room tidied by 6.00 pm tomorrow”.  If the room was not tidy by the set time, Patricia was to give just one warning.  If the room was still not tidy, Patricia was to give an appropriate punishment, such as not letting Alice go out with her boyfriend on the weekend.
This story did have a happy ending.  Patricia was able to ensure a much greater level of compliance from Alice and a more peaceful home life.