Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

March 2003
Rod’s a planner.  Always making plans. Rod and Liz went on this great holiday to Thailand.  Fourteen days of bliss.  Or so it would seem.  But Rod spent his time planning.  He planned what they would do the next day, he planned where they would go for dinner.  He even planned their next holiday.
Out of frustration, Liz accused Rod of “Never being present in the moment”.  Rod had no idea what she was talking about.  He replied, “I’m here with you and we’re having a good time, aren’t we?”  Liz said “That’s not the point”.
This set Rod thinking.  He started to plan what he would do about it when they got back to Australia.  He asked some of his friends and came up with the great idea of joining a meditation class.  He worked out how he could fit this into his busy schedule.
Bright and early next Monday morning, he arrived at his first class.  He was well prepared with loose fitting clothes and yoga mat.  He was always well prepared.  After the instructor took the class through some preliminaries, it started.  Silence!  Rod had never encountered anything like it.  He felt very uncomfortable not being able to be “productive”.
He knew that he had to “still his mind”,  but it just wouldn’t still.  He stayed for the hour and it had been a frustrating and uncomfortable experience.  Nevertheless, he felt some calmness for the next hour after, so he decided to go to the next class.
That was a year ago.  What a year of change it has been for Rod.  He did learn to meditate.  He did learn to still his mind.  He found some amazing results.  Firstly, he became more mentally alert.  Secondly, he felt better about himself.  And thirdly, time seemed to go a bit slower.
Rod learned the meaning of being present in the moment.  For him it meant being able to feel deeply connected with what was going on around him.  It meant being sensually connected.  He learned to breath the air, smell the smells, and notice little things like how ants move.
Being present in the moment is good for us.  It’s relaxing and it is the best way that I know to slow down time.  If we spent fifteen minutes just looking at a flower, time would slow and we would notice beauty that would normally pass us by.

Psychological health

August 2002
What does it take to keep psychologically healthy?  The most important ingredient is awareness.  Without awareness of ourselves and others, we cannot know what is going on and therefore we cannot fix it.  Take Lance as a case in point.  Lance appeared to be bright and happy.  He was easy to get on with at work and nearly everybody liked him.  He worked hard and he was reliable.
Imagine everyone’s surprise when they found out that Lance had tried to overdose the other evening.  Nobody knew that Lance was severely clinically depressed. Even Lance didn’t know.  He spent a lot of energy hiding the problem for others and acting happy.  He was in denial.
After his wife left him several months earlier, Lance’s solution was to work harder and try to please people more.  He did not face his feelings of grief and loss.  Fortunately for Lance, he got the help he needed following the suicide attempt.  But it was a close call.
Here are a few simple questions you can ask yourself to check whether you are at risk of developing psychological problems:
Do I feel grounded and balanced?  “Yes” is good.
Do I listen to other’s people’s feed back on how they see me?  “Yes” is good.
Am I sleeping and resting well and do I wake up feeling rested?  “Yes” is good.
Am I engaging in addictive behaviour such as regular drinking, smoking, gambling, or excessive work? “No” is good.
Can I laugh and have fun without the use of alcohol or drugs? “Yes” is good.
Do I have excessive conflict in my life?  “No” is good.
This list of questions is by no means complete, but is a quick guide to pick up some risk factors.  If your answers to any of these questions suggest there is a problem, it may be a good idea to talk to a mental health professional and get some help.
Mental health is about balance.  We seem to need an even balance between work, recreation and sleep.  Some people can survive working very hard at the expense of sleep and recreation.  If their work is enjoyable and not excessively stressful, then it can be counted as part of recreation.  But if people are working long hours in a stressful unhappy environment, then they are putting their mental health at risk.
Keeping psychologically healthy is not only good for our overall health, but it also feels good.
 

New Year Resolutions

January 2000
Most people I know who make new year resolutions intend to keep them.  But as we all know, the best laid plans etc.....  In order to make your new year resolutions work, here are some simple steps to follow.  Let me use the example of the resolution that  “I will give up smoking this January”.  These are the steps to follow:-
1. Make sure your resolution is realistic.  Giving up smoking in January sounds like a realistic goal.  So often people make resolutions that are wish lists that are totally “pie in the sky”.
2. Write the resolution down.  This means that you can’t forget what you said at the time.  If you don’t do this, it is easy to modify your memory and it becomes “I will give up smoking sometime this year”.
3. Make it specific.  “I will not have another cigarette after January 31 this year”.
4. Tell someone else about your resolution.  Ask them to check on how you are going with it from time to time.
5. Develop a plan to implement the resolution.  Work out exactly how you are going to give up cigarettes in January.  Are you going to cut down day by day or are you going to go “cold turkey”?  Are you going to use some help like nicotine patches?  Are you going to get any counselling to help with withdrawals?
6. Develop a policy to deal with relapse.  So often smokers who give up relax their grip after about four or five weeks and say to themselves, it’s ok to just try one cigarette to see what it tastes like.  As anyone who has tried to give up smoking will know, trying “just the one”, is almost certain to get you hooked again.
New years resolutions are nearly always about changing difficult behaviour.  But they don’t have to be about giving up something.  John decided that he wanted to spend more time with his children.  He applied the same steps as above:
1. Yes the resolution was realistic.  It was something that he was capable of doing with some reorganizing of his time schedule.
2. John not only wrote his plan down, he made diary entries against particular important family occasions for the year.
3. He made his plan specific.  For example, he told his son that he would attend at least half of his son’s soccer matches.
4. John told his wife and children about his plan.
5. John also told his secretary at work so that she could help him plan family time in his busy week.
6. John planned a monthly meeting with his wife to review how the plan was going.
Good luck John.  When it’s time to get serious, may the force be with you.

Letting go of rocks

March 2007
Ron walked with his back permanently hunched even though he was quite a young man.  He carried rocks on his back.  Even in his sleep he carried rocks.  The rocks had different names.  One was “Responsibility” another was “Guilt” and so on.  One of the heaviest rocks was “Worry”.
Ron was never happy.  He had the occasional laugh with his friends, but he was never happy.  He felt heavy and trapped.  He worried about money and the future of his family and almost everything.
He went to his GP for a check up.  (Yes, he worried about his health as well).  His doctor said, “Ron, your’e depressed”.  This came as bit of a shock.  His doctor believed that Ron could change the way he thought, so she didn’t prescribe antidepressants.  The doctor recommended that Ron see a Clinical Psychologist.
Ron came to see me a week later.  We talked about his family of origin.  His mother worried all the time.  As Ron was growing up, his mum worried about Ron’s heath, his safety etc.  At an early age, Ron learned to leave the fun of childhood behind and start to collect rocks for his back.  By the time Ron was 7 years old he was a fully fledged pessimist.
By coming to me, he wanted to learn how to feel light and joyful.  But deep inside he did not have permission.  Something always stopped him.  In therapy we begin to unravel all these silent scripts that he had.
I used Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT).  I found this to be the quickest way of changing stubborn belief systems.  I had him repeat after me “Even though I worry about all sorts of things, I deeply and profoundly accept myself”.  While he said these words, he tapped on particular points on his upper body.
It was like peeling an onion.  After we changed one belief system, there was something at a deeper level to tackle.  One thing I admired about Ron was his determination.  He stuck to the task.  Gradually he gained permission to be light and have fun.  He and his wife joined a Latin Dance class – just for the fun of it.
Every time Ron started to worry excessively or was too pessimistic, he would stop himself and give himself an affirmation.
Now Ron walks tall.

Freedom

September 2007
Most of us want freedom?  But what is it we want?  There seem to be two types of chains that bind us.  We have chains that are outside us and we have chains that are inside.  Let me tell you about two of my clients (I have altered details so they cannot be identified).  The first is Marion.  Marion’s chains were within.  Her chains were her fear that kept her from achieving.
Before Marion married, she achieved a degree in Graphic Arts.  She was good at this.  But she had never worked as a Graphic Artist.  Marion chose to stay at home.  What’s wrong with that?  Nothing, but Marion wanted more. 
Marion felt imprisoned at home.  She knew she had talents but she was too scared to try them out in the work force.  Marion came to me last year wanting to be free of the chains that stopped her from achieving her goals.
We did quite a bit of work challenging these old beliefs about “not being good enough”.  The Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) helped her with understanding and the Emotional Freedom Therapy and Voice Dialogue Techniques helped her make the changes happen.
Her entry into the work force was gradual and cautious.  Marion now works part time as a Graphic Artist and feels free.  She really enjoys her work.  Wonderful outcome!
The second person, David appeared to be different. He had a job that he hated. He told me how his boss picked on him and how he felt trapped. He clearly saw his chains as external and himself as the victim.
David saw me two years ago and I helped him change the way he looked at things. Again it was fear that stopped him looking for a job that would suit him better. His chains were also on the inside.  We worked on overcoming his fears.  After a while we got a good result.  He learned to apply for other jobs despite the fear of rejection.  He did land another job and now feels good about it.  He is on his way to freedom.
I believe that most people carry their chains on the inside, not the outside.  Of course there are chains on the outside.  There are non psychological things which hold us back.  But I have witnessed so many people with external handicaps that have the courage to overcome these chains and achieve things that nobody thought they could.
It feels good to feel free.