Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

September 2003
Two women I know are so similar and yet so different.  Anne and Betty are similar in their backgrounds and so different in the way they have managed life.  Both were brought up in the 1940s.  Both came from families where the father was either absent or played little role in the family.  In both cases the mothers were alcoholic with other mental problems.
Yet these women turned out so differently.  Anne went on to be an artist and a therapist.  Anne gave love and support and helped people on their life journey.  By contrast, Betty’s life was a saga of tragedies.  Betty was in and out of mental institutions and always on medication.
Why are these women so different when they had such similar backgrounds?  Well, I don’t know the answer to that question, but I continue to marvel at how people raised under very similar circumstances can turn out so differently.
Maybe it’s in the genes.  Certainly, children are born with a distinct personality.  Most parents will notice the differences in their children’s personalities at a very early age.  Maybe it’s because of subtle differences in the child’s early environment.
My point in writing this article is that, no matter whether we come from a really horrible background or whether we come from a functional background, each of us has a responsibility to do our best to fix the psychological problems that we have learned or inherited and not pass them on to the next generation.
At an early age Anne knew that she had come from a dysfunctional background.  She knew that she needed help to learn how to operate functionally.  She got that help from various sources.  She raised four children, and even though she didn’t get everything right, she did give love and support to each of her children.  She maintained her commitment to learning how to be a better parent throughout her life.
Betty chose another path.  She had two children.  Betty never grew up and remained like a dependant child in her family.  Her children learned to be like little carers looking after mum.  Betty had no commitment to learning about herself and taking responsibility.  Her commitment was to creating crises so that someone would rescue her.
I’ll say it again, no matter what backgrounds we have come from, we all have responsibility to heal our pain and not to hand it on.
 

What can’t we change

February 2002
“We can change what we have learned in life, but we can’t change what we were born with”.  I have heard this said many times.  But it’s not true.  We can change many things that we were born with.  For instance, children born with learning difficulties can be given special remedial programs that can help them catch up.  Sometimes, with the right sort of program, children can totally recover from their learning difficulties. 
The same applies to other psychological issues that may have a genetic origin.  If there is a genetic predisposition for alcoholism in your family, it doesn’t mean that you are doomed to be an alcoholic.  You can takes steps to make sure that the drinking problem does not develop.
The same is true for conditions such as bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depressive disorder).  This disorder appears to have a genetic component.  But there are ways of learning how to cope with the condition that means that a sufferer can have better control over their mood swings.
Some children suffer from Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder (ADHD).  Again this seems to have a genetic component.  But behavioural management and specific interventions can help a child make the adjustment to a relatively normal life.
The body-mind-spirit has an amazing ability for recovery.  But sometimes it needs some informed guidance along the way.
Medications are often used in the treatment of inherited psychological disorders.  Certain medications can help with these conditions that I have mentioned, particularly if the medication is used in conjunction with psychotherapy and remedial programs.
However, I have a personal bias to see the use of medication kept to a minimum.   I would rather see treatment with behavioural management.  Where  medication is necessary, it should be used as a last resort. 
We were all born with certain drives.  As we mature, we learn to control our drives.  We may be thirsty, but we can delay having a drink.  Even though our genetic drives might be strong, we learn to modify our behaviour. 
I have met people who hide behind their genetic disorder.  They use it as an excuse for not making change.  It is the responsibility of any adult whose behaviour hurts others to put the effort into changing that behaviour.