Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

February 2004
That’s right, another article on weight loss.  However, I hope that I can offer you a different spin than the other articles that you will have read. 
Being overweight is usually a form of addiction.  Addiction is simply when you find yourself doing something that you don’t want to do. You want to lose weight, but another part of you keeps the weight on.  You are forever at war within yourself.
Nearly everybody who has an addiction is also in denial about certain matters.  Denial is when you don’t tell the truth about what is going on.  Most people that I have met with weight problems lie to themselves and to others.  Sometimes the lying can be a subtle bending of the truth.  It’s their way of coping. 
In order to overcome any form of addiction, we must be honest with ourselves and the people who might be able to help us.
Patricia is very overweight.  She says that she wants to lose weight.  Her pattern is that she eats too much in the evening.  She tells herself that dieting is all too hard.  She says that she is too tired, too stressed and she will start dieting tomorrow.  These are lies and excuses that she uses to avoid facing the issue.
Surprise surprise, the next day comes and she doesn’t start her diet.  This ritual of lies and excuses goes on night after night.  She even believes her own propaganda that she will start tomorrow.
Patricia has a high level managerial position and she runs her job in a very professional manner.  But when it comes to the issue of weight, she becomes like a child playing psychological games with herself and those around her.
Peter is very overweight.  His GP has told him that he has Syndrome X and that puts him in the danger zone for coronary heart disease.  Peter has a neat way of getting around this bit of truth.  He tells himself that he is pretty fit and exercises every day.  As soon as he leaves the doctors office, the issue disappears from his mind.  This form of denial is the most effective of all.  The issue just disappears.
If you are serious about weight loss, get some help from someone who will point out when you are in denial and lying to yourself.  The secret to weight loss is to be as honest as you can be with yourself and others.
 

Season’s excesses

December 1998
This is the season of Christmas parties, Christmas meals and boxes of chocolates.  If you are trying to loose weight, then this will be a difficult time of year.  The question that many people ask is “Should I forget about my diet for the silly season, or should I try and resist the temptations?”
The answer to this question will depend on your belief systems.  If you are going to feel resentful or embarrassed about staying on the diet over the Christmas period, then it will be a good idea to ease up on the restrictions.  In other words you can indulge yourself to some extent without having to feel guilty.  However, it is a good idea to set a time when you intend to go back to your diet.  Set the date in advance of the silly season for return to normal.  That might be boxing day or new year’s day.
If you staying on your diet is not going to cause you problems over Christmas, then by all means stay on the diet.
Most people who are addicted to food are eating to comfort themselves.  Comfort eating is “the use of food to detach or separate from distressing emotions”.  Christmas can be a time when distressing feelings are strongest.  It can be a time of emotional stress; dealing with family reunions, conflicts, finances etc. 
There are an alternative to comfort eating to deal with the distressing feelings.  At the time you feel like eating to excess, try and be aware that you have eaten enough to survive.  Tell yourself; “I have enough food to survive, I do not need more”.  Then try and find another method of comforting yourself that is not harmful.  This might be having a warm bath, it might be watching a video or treating yourself to something special that is not food.
It is best to try and stay aware of your emotional state. Then you can get some early warning about the distress that may cause you to eat to excess.  The more that you know about what is gong on for you emotionally, the more you can take steps to avoid over-eating. 
 

Eating disorder

July 1998
I am most concerned about my daughter.  She is now 28 years old and married with one little boy.  She is overweight.  The other night we were having a heart to heart talk and she told me that she regularly binge eats.  On occasions she will even go to the toilet and bring the food up again.  She is very ashamed and doesn’t like to talk about it.  She refuses tell her husband about it and she doesn’t want to see anyone.
Ms L
 
Dear Ms L
This is a very distressing condition.  There is often a lot of shame felt by the person suffering from this sort of eating disorder.  The conditions you describe in your letter are binge eating and bulimia.  Binge eating is when a person compulsively eats much more food than they need.  Bulimia is the bringing up of the food afterwards - nearly always is secret.  Unfortunately while the problem remains hidden it is very unlikely to go away.  Secrecy is quite common with eating disorders.  Your daughter is probably afraid and ashamed to tell her husband.  She might be afraid of what his reaction would be.
When I work with a person with compulsive behaviour like this, I reassure them that I know that they are not doing it deliberately.  It is hard for some people to understand that there is a subconscious part of them organizing the behaviour.  I also tell them that the part responsible for organizing the behaviour is trying to do the right thing.  I firmly believe that all of our subconscious parts are trying to look after us in some way, even if our conscious mind disagrees with the way the subconscious part is going about it. 
You mentioned that your daughter is overweight.  It sounds to me like she may have two parts in conflict.  One part that wants her to put on weight (or to comfort eat) and the other (bulimic) part wants to lose the weight.  Inner conflict like this can cause a great deal of distress and can lead to a person suffering from depression.
I suggest that the next time you talk to your daughter, you reassure her that the condition that she is suffering from can be cured with expert guidance and that there is nothing to be ashamed of.  It may take some patience and encouragement on your part to get her to see someone who can help.
There is a lot of information in the glossy magazines about eating disorders and unfortunately, not all of it is well informed.  This can be very confusing.  Some of the information that I have read can even add to the sense of shame that a sufferer feels.  There are self help groups available and some of these are good value.
I hope that she agrees to get help soon.
 

Food binging

September 1998
My sister is thirty two years old.  Ever since her teenage years she has been obsessed with food and her weight.   She is now married with two children.  She is very overweight and doesn’t like being this way.  She binges on fattening foods, mainly at night.  She has confided in me that she will often binge in secret and feel a lot of shame about the binging.
She has been on various weight reduction programs, but her weight hasn’t changed.  Where can she go to get help.
Mr E
 
Dear Mr E
Your letter describes well the problem that your sister has with her weight.  Some people cannot seem to loose that weight no matter what they do.  On rare occasions, there is a metabolic disorder at the base of the problem, and it is always worth getting this possibility checked out with a doctor. 
But usually the problem is psychological.  Your sister’s binging is called compulsive or addictive behaviour.  When behaviour like this is so resistant to change, it means that the belief system that is causing the behaviour is held deep in the subconscious.  This is called a “core belief” system.  This core belief will be that, in some way her weight is protective.
If little children feel that they are in danger, will want to grow bigger.  Bigger is safer.  In my practice as a psychologist, I have found that this core belief underlies most obesity conditions.  Obesity and binge eating always seem to be shrouded in shame.  Sometimes, if the person binge eats and vomits as well (bulimia), the shame is even greater.  The shame has to be dealt with in order for the problem to be talked about.
Some sufferers will avoid going to a psychologist, because they are too ashamed even to talk about their problem to a professional. 
There are techniques that many psychologists use that can access these core beliefs and bring about change in these beliefs.   I have known of many sufferers who have had no success with diets and weight loss programs.  But when they have received help from a psychologist and have been able to loose weight.  My aim in working with sufferers like your sister, is to establish safety.  Furthermore, my aim is to get through to the part that holds the core belief that weight no longer works as a protection.
In my experience, it is never easy or quick to change these deeply held core belief systems.
But it is worth the effort.
 

Too fat

July 2001
We read and hear so much about obesity now days.   The number of adults and children who are overweight in increasing in Australian society at an alarming rate.  I don’t think it takes Sherlock Holmes to work out that our children are being bombarded with junk food adds and they are exercising less.  No wonder they grow up dependent on fattening foods.
So, what to do about it!  If you are an adult and you are overweight, the chances are that you have tried many weight loss programs.  Most of them don’t work.  Some do.  For a weight loss program to work for you, you need to be mentally ready for it.
There is no way that a person with an addictive weight problem being able to lose weight taking a half hearted approach.  It must be a full on commitment to a program. 
How do you get this commitment?  You have to deal with your subconscious part that is in charge of weight gain.  The task involves convincing this subconscious part that it is very important to lose weight. 
Even if you are the type of person who is genetically predisposed to be overweight, the problem of managing this weight comes down to a psychological issue.   If there were a pill to take that worked, there wouldn’t be a problem.  The people who successfully loose weight are able to exercise some degree of “mind over matter”.
Mind over matter is the art of convincing a subconscious part to eat less of the wrong food and to exercise more.  There are many ways to achieve this.  One is to join a weight loss program where there is group encouragement to lose weight.  Another is to see a therapist and learn how to dialogue with the subconscious parts involved.
Also, it can be very useful to consult a dietitian to see what are the right foods for you.  It may also help to see a qualified exercise consultant to work out a program that you will be able to stick to.
Weight loss is achievable.  “Crash programs” usually don’t keep the weight off over time.  The programs that do work are those that involve a person being deeply convinced of the need to keep to the program.  If the subconscious parts are not on side, it won’t work.
Set it up the right way and you can loose weight.  Go for it.