Dear Dick
articles about wide ranging psychological issues
from "The Local Bulletin" (Brisbane Australia)
by Dick Rigby
©all articles are copyright 2006

February 2001
I have been married for 5 years.  My wife seems to be always in some sort of crisis.  When I first met her, I thought that she was going through a few difficulties and with time they would resolve.  But they haven’t.  When one set of problems are solved, another set appear.  What approach should I take?
Mr. K
 
Dear Mr K
It would appear that your wife is a “crisis addict”.  A “crisis addict” or “drama addict” is a person who repeatedly seeks out or manufactures crises in their lives.  They are uncomfortable when life is going smoothly. 
The pattern for this behaviour is usually established in childhood.  One reason for this addiction developing is that a chid learns that they can only get attention when they are in a crisis.  Let me give the example of Joan.  When Joan was a child, she was always in some sort of crisis.  Loan’s mother would always rescue her from the crises.
On one occasion, Joan got into a minor argument in the school playground and came home upset to tell her mother.  Joan’s mother over reacted and went to the school the next day ready to confront  the teachers. 
On other occasions when Joan coped well, her mother ignored her.
Joan learned to be a crisis addict.  When she grew up, she married someone who would also come to the rescue when Joan was in crisis.  When the husband eventually got sick of rescuing Joan, she started to go back to her mother to be rescued.
The crisis addict does not take responsibility for important parts of their life.  Usually the crises are not created deliberately, but are organized by a subconscious part.
The path to recovery is the same as that for other forms of addiction.  The path is through awareness.  The first step that Joan took in her recovery was to recognise that there was  a problem.  The second step was to recognise that she was creating many of her crises.  After she admitted to her addiction, she could take steps to avoid her crises.
I hope that your wife can start to become more aware of her addictive behaviour and how she can recover from it.  It is a difficult pathway to recover from an addiction.