Miss Universe 2006

I've always hated these things, and the way they were reported. Therefore...

This year's Miss Universe contest was recently held. Many "young ladies" participated.

The second runner-up in the competition was Zug, a sessile ovoid creature from a planet circling a burned-out star in the Spiral Galaxy Messier 31. With an age of 397 million years, Zug only qualified as "Miss" because she has not yet reached the breeding age for her species. Zug has spent the last 200 million years constructing a radical new unified physics which would allow faster-than-light travel, virtually free energy, and several other benefits to pan-galactic life. Sadly, she has not been able to find an engineering-oriented species that can understand it, and is hoping that the "Miss Universe" publicity will help to put her in touch with someone who can. She is prepared to be patient, though. "I've waited quite a while already," she said.

First runner-up was Spreel-thurn, a tentacled entity from a liquid-methane moon in the Greater Magellanic Cloud. Although sad at losing, Spreel-thurn's goal in participating had been to work towards stopping the long-running war with planets in the so-called Lesser Magellanic Cloud (a name which she hopes we will all stop using). She achieved her goal by using her time on stage to give a moving plea for intergalactic peace, which drew emotional exudates from all members of the audience.

However, all other contestants were outshone by Sklllth-parn, a sentient gas cloud whose home lies not far from the "Milky Way." Sklllth-parn's hobbies are mathematics, astronomy and contemplative theology, and she impressed the judges with the beauty of her ideas as well as the beauty of her physical appearance. While unable to go on tour (Spreel-thurn will take up that part of her duties), Sklllth-parn will share her thoughts on Life in the Cosmos in a soon-to-be-released book.

Sklllth-parn, Miss Universe 2006