In 1990 Nikki and Brandi were married and I had given up my quest to give Nikki a permanent limp! LOL! I went back to my ‘college life’ and living with my overbearing parents. Living with my Daddy was an adventure! It's fair to say that he's a cross between HITLER and CHEVY CHASE! A strange combo you say? Strange, but accurate, right Marie? ;)

He was controlling and strict, yet a real "character." We went to Europe BEFORE the National Lampoons European Vacation movie came out and my Dad swears someone saw him and got ideas for the movie... OK Daddy, whatever you say! LOL! He was very funny, OFTEN to the point of embarrassment. He'd pick me up at school functions with a horn alternating between "aoooga" and "Dixie." I wanted to die! On Halloween, he and his best friend James would scare the pants off kids. They'd hide in the bushes dressed as Jason from Friday the 13th or the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and hop out of the bushes as kids reached for candy WITH a real chainsaw blaring! They ran and hid from the cops in a car lot. :)

Often on vacation I KNEW the embarrassment the Griswold kids must have felt when at 19 or 20 my cousin Tim and I would hear, "Road trip... we're taking both of our families to the beach!" Tim and I were hunched down in the back seat while my Dad and Mom sat in the front blaring Elvis and various other "Oldie Moldies" while cruising the strip at the beach. Daddy and my Uncle Wayne and Tim, and other cousin Dewayne, would ALWAYS get us in trouble... I'd head back to the hotel room as my Mom was heading TO the pool and I'd say, "Daddy's at it again, they just got us banned from the pool!" It seems that Daddy, Uncle Wayne, Tim and Dewayne were having a contest... lining up on the edge of the pool sitting in lawn chairs and racing to see who could jump INTO the pool with the chair and land seated at the bottom of the pool first. :) Tim and I went to see LA Guns and Pretty Boy Floyd together and I was ashamed when I met the bands that they asked, "You look familiar... wait.... was that you with those nuts playing putt-putt golf in the lightning and knocking a FROG into a hole?" I was lying through my teeth... "What on earth are you talking about? Surely you must have me confused with someone else!" Tim has since settled a little (LOL) and married a wonderful gal, Wanda who I'm proud to call part of the family. As for Daddy... STILL embarrassing me any chance he gets!

Back to 1990. My Dad asked, "What are you doing Friday night?" I said, "Going to see Cheap Trick with Stace" and he said, "Not any more you're not." It seems he set me up on a date! ARGH! I COULD have told Jay that I had plans but THEN I would have had to deal with ‘Daddy Hitler’ so I instead went on the date and acted like a bitch to Jay and called my friend and said, "I hate you... enjoy Cheap Trick without me, I was looking forward to spending some time with Robin Zander."

Well, Jay was a nice guy and I felt guilty for treating him like dirt and told him I owed it to him to have him over for dinner the next night to see that I'm NOT really a bitch. HOW was I to know that he would hit me like a brick wall? We talked and agreed on EVERYTHING from the grass to the stars and everything in between and were engaged a few short weeks later. All of my friends were like, "HIM??? NO tattoos? No earrings? No long hair? A JARHEAD MARINE!?!" Maybe it was my roots attracting me.

I have to pause for a ‘soapbox’... I am very patriotic, all of the men in my life I've loved from my Dad to uncles and grandpa and cousins have been military men. Jay was active in ‘Veterans Rights’ (something close to my heart). I am appalled at the way our veterans returned from Vietnam and were treated like POW's in their OWN country, no heroes' welcome. When I hear the Marine Corps hymn I get a lump in my throat and while others chew gum and anticipate "play ball" during the National Anthem… it MEANS something to me. I've done volunteer work and interviewed PTSD patients and Congressional Medal of Honor winners.

So, Jay and I were engaged and everyone was SHOCKED, including myself! :) I told him that IF it was important for him to have biological kids, being from an Italian Catholic family that maybe he should marry someone else because of my history and the fact that I was STILL having abnormal paps, etc. I was told I'd never conceive a baby and even with invitro that I'd never carry a baby to term. He said he didn't care, we'd adopt. So, we were married in 1991 and lived in 5 states in 6 years due to his job, now a government job.

Over the years in each state we moved to, I'd meet someone associated with Nikki... from someone who dated a guitar or bass tech, to someone who was a daughter of someone at the record label etc. In 1994 we were living in Detroit, MI and I was having problems and was having steroid and nerve block shots in my head and Jay said, "Are you crazy? You're gonna let them stick a big needle in your scalp?" I said, "I don't care if they stick it in my EYE if it stops the pain!" I was told that the shots would cause severe birth defects, etc. in a baby, so I was forced to get on several forms of birth control. I said, "I don't need it, I can't get pregnant" but the Neurologist told me as long as I was a FEMALE he wasn't taking any chances.

WELL, I found out I was pregnant and DIDN'T believe it, I thought my test was mixed up with someone else's or that it was a false positive from wacky hormones. It wasn't until an ultrasound that I saw a tiny blinking light (baby's heartbeat) and burst into tears. I was reminded of the shots and birth defects and told I could have an abortion or seek genetic counselling to make me aware of the odds. Abortion was out of the question for me. I was told the baby wasn't "thriving" and that I'd miscarry and that it was just a matter of time. I refused to listen. I thought that God wouldn't give me a baby with all of the odds against me and take it away. I couldn't WAIT to get fat! I was 98 pounds when I got pregnant and WANTED a big belly to show off because I was so proud that I had a baby and was told it would never happen. I told the Dr. I'd rather go through labor TWICE than go through morning sickness. He laughed and told me I hadn't felt labor pains yet and I would change my tune. WELL, my wish of getting fat came true! I gained over 50 pounds!

On December 11, 1994 - Yes, Nikki's Birthday - I gave birth to a perfectly healthy, normal, beautiful baby boy. As I held my baby to my chest I remembered my Great-Granny's words, "Things happen for a reason" and I closed my eyes and thanked God for my miracle baby and I thanked God for ever meeting Nikki Sixx. My son being born on his Birthday, to me, was like a sign that I had him to thank because I borrowed courage and faith from him in 1988 when I had none of my own. Without him I would have had a hysterectomy and listened to the Dr. because "Dr.'s know best" and I wouldn't have my angel. I know I would have adopted kids and loved them whether they were Chinese or Indian or Alien... I would have loved all EIGHT of their eyes! LOL! But, having a baby grow inside of me, feeling him kick and knowing when he was asleep or mad at Mommy for eating Mexican for dinner! LOL!... It was a blessing! I've heard adoptive Moms say that the love for her child grew not below her heart but IN it and I know I would have felt the same way. AFTER I knew my baby was healthy I told the Dr. (after natural childbirth) "Like I said, I'd rather go through labor twice than have morning sickness." The nurses laughed and thought I was nuts. I told Jay to follow the baby to the nursery and make sure they put the right armband on him. He laughed and said that being born at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit that I had nothing to worry about, not only was he the only blonde baby in the nursery, he was the only WHITE one! LOL! I was told that my baby was a miracle and it was by the "Grace of God" that he was born and that I would never have another baby.

WELL... six months later I was pregnant again and in March of 1996 I gave birth to another perfect baby boy. Both of my boys spent their first day on earth in the same hospital room! Like I said, Nikki's role in me having them is a blessing to me. I would have adopted but having the ‘icing on the cake’ and being able to see my husband's and MY family in my kids is amazing! My eldest son has my cotton white hair that I had as a child. Other than that, it looks like JAY carried him for nine months! :) He walks like Jay, talks like Jay, has the same feet, the same body. My youngest son has my eyes and my dimples and I can see parts of my Mom in him and parts of my dad and parts of MY Grandpa (Ovie), which the boys call “Grandpa Ovie Won Kenobi!" LOL! BUT, bless his heart, my little guy has some Italian blood in him... when he was first born he had black peach fuzz all over his back and I said, "OH NO... a hairy backed Italian!" LOL

My parents didn't share the sentiment that Nikki Sixx had anything to do with the birth of THEIR grandchildren. They STILL pretty much think he was “Satan" and that it was God and "divine intervention" that gave me my kids and NOT Nikki Sixx. Well, there's no doubt in my mind that God DID play a role in it and also that I met Nikki Sixx for a reason. Plus, the Dr. and Jay did have a LITTLE to do with my having two kids! LOL! ;) After my kids were born I had the dreaded curse... starting turning into the protective/paranoid parent that MY parents were! I was so strict about what TV they watched... NO Power Rangers or Ninja Turtles No Rugrats etc. I NEVER listened to Crüe around them. I wanted to protect them and shelter them and let them believe the world was as magical as Disneyworld as long as I could.

In 1997, I was walking past the doorway and my kids were watching Regis and Kathie Lee." My little one LOVED Regis' voice and said he sounded so funny, when WHAT did I hear??? Mötley Crüe on Regis and Kathie Lee. I couldn't believe it. My kids were standing in front of the TV with mouths gaped open and motionless in a trance. My little guy laughs and says "Frankenstein" and points to Mick. It MUST be genetic (LOL) because that was it... they were hooked and singing ‘Dr. Feelgood’ and begging me to buy all of the CD's... little did they know that Mommy already had them ;)

They have their own interpretation about what each song is about and for now I'm letting them believe it, the world will corrupt them soon enough. They think ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ is about their pre-school girlfriends because of, "Listen Mommy, they're talking about Dollhouses in Florida!" LOL! They asked their paediatrician, "Did Mötley Crüe write Dr. Feelgood about you or did YOU write it for them?" to which the Dr. looked at me like I was gonna burn in hell! :) As for "She Goes Down"...we're just gonna continue to hit the skip button a few more years on the CD player for that one!

In 1998, the boys and I went with Jay on a business trip to L.A. and we did the ‘tourist thing’ while Jay was working. We were at the Chinese Theatre looking at handprints when a guard asked us, "Can I help you find someone?" and the boys said, "Where's Mötley Crüe?" I said, "Oh, that would be the Guitar Center, we'll go there next." He asked the boys, "Who do you want to meet while you're visiting California?" and the boys answered, "Mötley Crüe, Will Smith, and Bob Barker from The Price is Right!" Talk about eclectic taste! LOL! We went to the Hollywood Bowl and the boys wanted to play air guitar on stage and the manager said, "Go for it" and I took pictures of them doing "Crüe and Will Smith in Concert!" Now THERE'S a tour we're not gonna see any time soon! LOL!

The boys are both so different. One likes Crüe ballads and one says, "I like the LOUD ones, play SHOUT!" They sing what THEY think the lyrics are and it cracks me up. At Christmas they sing "Police 99" for "Feliz Navidad" so there's NO telling what they think Crüe songs are saying! LOL! As a mother now, I am truly grateful for the little things: eyesight to see their faces, ears to hear their beautiful voices, the ability to run and play with them. I think about how close I was to not having them and still think that because of Nikki, my parents have Grandchildren. My Dad drove literally 1000 miles to see ONE T-ball game and my Mom's face lit up like a Christmas Tree while watching my boys cackle at a goofy wild-west show at an amusement park.

I will never forget the look on my Dad's face when my parents visited our house for the first time and I didn't tell them I was pregnant... I just took them on a tour of the house and when I opened the nursery my Dad had tears streaming down his face. When my Dad turned 50 we threw him a surprise party (50's sock hop) with an Elvis impersonator, of course! LOL! My Mom had my kids dressed in lettermen sweaters and Marie and I snuck them into the bathroom and turned them into little "Greasers" with their hair slicked back, t-shirts with the sleeves rolled up and a box of Lemonheads looking like a pack of smokes in their sleeves and temporary tattoos of course. My kids dedicated a song to their Grandpa and it was ‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ and they asked to clear the dance floor to dance with Grandpa alone. I think that was the one and only time my Dad will ever dance to Mötley Crüe! :) Jay and I put the boys in their own room at night and by morning we're all 4 smashed in our bed with little arms and legs all over us. I wouldn't change it for the world. They'll be 13 soon enough and won't be caught DEAD in their parents' bed so I'm cherishing it now.

They keep me on my toes, NEVER a dull moment with them! I was buying toothpaste and yelled, "Get back over here, don't walk away from me" when my little one walked around the corner with a box saying, "These aren't any ordinary pads, these have wings, I saw it on TV!" as two little old ladies were cracking up. He said he wanted KY Jelley for his peanut butter sandwich after watching The Price is Right. Should BOB Barker be censored? LOL! One of them asked at a bookstore, "I'd like to buy a urinal please" as I explained that he MEANT a "journal" for Jay. All the while he argued with me that it was MOMMY who was using the wrong word, NOT him! LOL! In the fall I heard silence and Mom's know that means the monkeys are into something. I found that my older son had written "Mayhem" with a black permanent marker sharpie on his little brothers chest AND he was covered in temporary tattoos, including a Toucan Sam from a Fruit Loop box on his forehead! I thought, "Dear God, we've gotta get this off before Jay gets home... hope I don't have to use a Brillo pad!" LOL! Jay's more of a ‘Tim McGraw/Faith Hill’ kinda guy. The boys have shared a $20 bill by ripping it in half and I caught them TRYING to share a $50! When they tell me, "Mommy, I love you more that McDonald's and Chuck E. Cheese and Buzz Lightyear, and..." I just melt! Now THAT'S LOVE! LOL!

I think of my Great Granny often and carry her philosophies with me through life. I thought of posing for Playboy once and remembered her philosophy on Playboy, strippers, adult film stars etc. She said, "Never let anyone see your areola or vulva unless they're privileged enough to share your bed. You can spend the money in one day but never know if some whacko will stalk you 5 years later, it's not worth it." I listened to her and didn't do it. I've worked in strip clubs but kept my clothes on, either waitressing or being a choreographer so the girls wouldn't just "grind a pole!"

Now, I struggled with HOW to approach writing "Sweet Sixx Teen" and decided that I wanted it to read like a phone conversation… two sisters or best buds gossiping and dishing about, "Dude, you won't believe what I just did." If my college professors saw my lack of grammar, syntax, etc. [Ed. - I should show them since I had to fix most of them!] they'd be appalled but I wanted it to sound more ‘raw’ and emotional and ‘talking in tangents’ the way I FELT living through everything. Who'd a thunk it? A goody-goody girl who LOVED Rick Springfield and Duran Duran would go from being a "Duranie" to a "Crüehead!" I have to confess that when I hear ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’ from Duran Duran on a retro station that I AM singing along and tapping my foot in my car. AND... has anyone seen Rick Springfield lately? He's one Australian who still looks pretty damn good for a 51-year-old fart! (Paul, what's in the water in OZ?)

Music fascinates me the way it sparks memories of far away faces and places and memories. I can hear certain songs or artists and they remind me of a particular time or place or person, whether it's my taste in music or not, I find myself drawn to it if it makes me reminisce. Creedence Clearwater Revival makes me think of trips down the river and springs in inner tubes with Nehi sodas and Daddy and Uncle Wayne getting in trouble for climbing a fence and jumping off of the bridge into the river! I will never hear an Elvis song without thinking of my parents! :) I may hear REO Speedwagon and think of my sis or think of this person or that person when I hear Janet Jackson! ;) Some bands I like the music but the lyrics suck or in others I like the singer's voice but the music sucks, etc.

As a writer I am drawn to music of all types but I will always be a Crüehead at heart. I like the music, the voice, the lyrics, the emotion... the Crüe has it ALL! My friend Jenn is a music fanatic and goes to concerts as often as most people eat! LOL! At times she makes me feel ‘old’ by mentioning this new band and that new band she's seen in New York City. At other times I feel she keeps me young by keeping me ‘in the loop.’ She loves 80's music and said she might go see the Crüe this past summer because she'd never seen them in concert. I shrieked, "ARE YOU KIDDING???? All of the millions of shows you've gone to and you HAVEN'T seen the Crüe?" I went on my soapbox about how I too had seen a billion concerts but that you CAN'T say you lived through the 80's without having seen the Crüe in concert. I told her that there was a vibe and an energy and adrenalin at a Crüe show that I had NEVER seen anywhere else. I went on and on and she told me that perhaps Nikki should hire me to promote the Crüe! LOL! Because of a conflict she never made it to a Crüe show this summer. I myself, as a paranoid Mommy now only go to about ONE concert a year and I try to save my ‘one night out’ for a "Crüe Fix" I will keep it on my agenda to drag Jenn to a Crüe show in the future!

So, my Mötley Metamorphosis started in 1985. I started out with PURE LUST for Nikki. He awakened desires in me I didn't know existed. Then I realized that he had a brain behind that pretty little head of his after I read his lyrics. Then I came to know that he ALSO had a heart and soul of pure gold! My Great Granny used to say that when you meet someone you IMMEDIATELY see the "Glitter or the Dirt" and Nikki was full of glitter, although, there will be a little dust flying soon with the release of ‘The Dirt.’ LOL!

I want to thank Nikki in person some day for the role he's played in my life. I've known someone who owned a venue the Crüe played at and said they'd have no problem in getting me to talk to Nikki etc. and it didn't work out. I've been backstage AFTER the band left to go to the hotel etc. or at the hotel lounge while Nikki was in his room. I've seen Nikki and Donna together and WANTED to talk to him but he had been out on the road and Donna and Rhyann had just flown in to see him. He had his arm around Donna and was holding Rhyann and looked so much like, "I'm at peace, I'm having family time" that I KNEW I didn't want to interrupt that and walked right by. I never even told my friends that, I don't think, because they'd have bitched at me, "You've wanted to talk to him for HOW LONG? And you let him WALK BY?" It just wasn't the right time. I've had contact with Nikki through Machine and Hawk and at his old email addresses like sixxdog and motelsixx and his current e-mail which I can't name but even still... I don't know WHAT he remembers when he sees or hears my name.

I forgot to mention that in 1987 my Granny was 66 and said she was 70. Have you ever heard of a woman who lies about her age but says she's OLDER? LOL! She used to say that if she says she is older that people would say, "WOW...you look fantastic!" She is such a hoot still. Wonder if she tells people she's 25 pounds heavier than she is so people will say, "Wow, you don't look that big!" LOL! She's turning 80 in April and still wild with boyfriends everywhere. She DOES look great for her age, but she's no Tina Turner (in her 60's but with better looking legs than most 20 year old women). She listens to me bitch about Jay's quirks and she says, "You can take the man out of the Marines but you can't take the MARINE out of the man" when I complain about Jay being anal and not wanting me to hang picture frames because he doesn't want nail holes in the wall and I argue that I want a house with a little more decorating than a HOSPITAL ROOM! Granny tells me... "He may be an asshole, but he's OUR asshole! Love him!" and so I do! He may drive me crazy at times... like when... (I've said this to a few people)... we had a Birthday party for our eldest son and the icing from the cake was ALL OVER the house. We FINALLY got the kids in bed and I wanted to slip into something sexy and hop on my husband when he started LAUGHING at me! I thought, "WTF? That's NOT the reaction I was going for!" Then he pointed to my feet and I was still wearing The Grinch socks and yes, they had GREEN ICING on them! LOL!

My kids bring laughter daily. They think I am soooo cool. We were watching a TV show and saw "Locks Of Love" (an organization that makes wigs for chemo patient children) and they said, "You have long hair... let's cut it off" and I said, "OK." People said I was CRAZY because I let my KIDS cut it off. They said they needed 10 inches for a wig and I thought I'd give 10-12... WELL... my boys had other plans! They hacked off SIXTEEN inches! People said, "You're nuts to cut off all of your hair" but I'm sure Randy Castillo would agree with me when I say, "It's JUST hair!" It helped some child who needed it. AND, besides, my hair grows like a weed. That was a year ago and I'm gonna cut it off again soon to donate again. I'll TRY to stick to 10-12 inches this time! ;)

I am constantly writing, whether short stories, song lyrics, children’s books, a novel about my Great Granny, working on a screenplay. I would love to write a song WITH or FOR Nikki some day. You may say, "Good luck, get in line" but you know what they say about life being stranger than fiction... no-one knew John Corabi in 1990 on the Dr. Feelgood tour and no-one knew James Michael in 1990 on the Feelgood tour either... so... I'm not gonna hold my breath though. I'm not gonna count my chickens before the eggs hatch. The hen has to lay an EGG first! LOL! And as far as I can see, the rooster isn't interested yet! LOL!

Like I said before, when Nikki hears/sees my name, I have NO IDEA what he thinks. I don't know if he remembers 1987 or just 1988 and knows me as "a fan in need." I don't know if he thinks, "WTF? Who the hell is this chic? WTF does she want?" or if he thinks, "OK,...cool...so THAT'S what I was doing in 1987" OR "Cool, I remember her, sweet gal, wonder how she is." I don't know if he realizes that "Angel" and the "fan in need" are the same person. Through my contact with him I've been scared to ask. I'd be really embarrassed if he said, "I must have been on some good drugs because I don't remember any of this shit." I KINDA want to know what he remembers but I KINDA don't want to know. Whether he does or doesn't remember, it doesn't really matter. All that matters is that we crossed paths and the quality of my life was drastically changed because of it.

When I look in my rear view mirror and hear my kids singing ‘Home Sweet Home’ I get choked up remembering lying in the hospital bed in 1988 listening to that song and HOW CLOSE I came to never having my kids. That's an emotion that 9 more chapters could never put into words. When I finally see Nikki, even if it's in a nursing home and we fight over tapioca pudding and write a jingle on a xylophone together, I don't know WHAT I can say to him to make him see how grateful I am. I'm quite sure all I'll be able to do is cry and if it IS true that a picture is worth a thousand words, then maybe that image on my face will convey to him what I can't find words to say.

I will forever be indebted to the Engine Room of Mötley Crüe...Thank You Mr. Nikki Sixx!