Chronological Crue is proud to
share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads every month, of an
extraordinary relationship that grew between a special young fan and
the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the journey with us, as
every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting and treating, the
tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication, of this unique
perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are written and
contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.
- Hi Nikki, I'm
NOT an Angel anymore! - February 2001.
hearing the word "cancer" I thought for a while if I didn't "say it"
then it would go away! LOL! Many people who knew me then, didn't know
the seriousness of my condition. My parents only told a few people as
well. On my road to recovery, I felt I had been given a new lease on
life. I had a list a mile long of things I wanted to do and realized
how many things I had yet to experience. I wanted to ‘see it all’ and
‘do it all.’
had never been drunk, never prayed to the ‘porcelain God’ LOL, and
never had a hangover. I wanted to experience it ALL... the good, the
bad and the ugly. I wanted to feel the pain of a wine hangover, I
wanted to see the world, go to each of the 50 states. I wanted to see
the Grand Canyon, Yellowstone, Carlsbad Caverns in New Mexico, the
Tetons, Niagara Falls, the tunnel to Canada in Detroit, Snowbird, Alta,
Bryce Canyon, Zion, Arches in Utah. I had seen the Atlantic Ocean and
the Gulf of Mexico but had never seen the Pacific Ocean. I wanted to
walk under the Santa Monica Pier and walk the sands in Malibu. I had a
kinship with the ocean. It was such a place of refuge and peace for me.
I wanted to make a silly trip on a whim and go to Daytona Beach, FL and
party all night until the sun came up, watch the sunrise on the ocean
and sleep a little, get up and travel to Orlando to shop and head to
Tampa/Clearwater/St. Pete to watch the sun set on the ocean. I thought
it would be cool to watch the sun rise AND set on the same day on the
east and west coast of FL. It was a pilgrimage I made time and time
again. To date, I conquered all of the things on my ‘list’ and have
since added new things to my ‘to do’ list. I have seen 40 of the 50
states and look forward to seeing the other 10.
as fate would have it, I was no longer a virgin during the Dr. Feelgood
tour. It WASN'T Nikki and I'm gonna leave it at that. But, "Who'd a
thunk it"... Miss Goody Goody would turn out to be, not only a
nymphomaniac, but Good at it! LOL! I think
that you have to eat 3 meals a day to survive so you should have sex an
equal number! :) Some people argue that
it's ‘Quality’ over Quantity but I am greedy and say I want BOTH... I
want it all! It reminds me of the Def Leppard song "All I Want is
Everything!" I had a reputation of being a groupie and a slut in my
hometown and at first it hurt and I thought, "I DON'T sleep around... I
just MEET a lot of people" and then decided, "What the hell, If I'm
gonna get punished for the crime, I may as well commit it" and decided,
"Let's give 'em something to talk about!" I suppose it was my roots but
I was mostly "all bark and no bite" but was known to bite a few times
when provoked! :) I was 90% Angel and 10% devil. I don't want to send
out the wrong impression. I can STILL count my sexual partners on my
hands after others run out of fingers, toes and split ends to count!
I met every
band that toured the circuit at that time. I became known as the "tough
nut to crack" because I DIDN'T sleep around and would say things like,
"Damn, you look OLD in person" (ouch) or "You look like shit, no
thanks, the fantasy was DEFINITELY better than the reality, I'd rather
see you on a poster than in the morning." For
the most part I'd meet people and think, "OK, he's hot, he's famous,
let's give it a whirl" and then whoever it would be would be slurring
their speech drunk with beer breath and Body Odour and I'd think,
"UGH....Nah, what was I thinking?" I could spend a minute with a guy
and know if I was gonna get turned on enough for it to be worth my time
or not. If not, I'd say, "Nice to meet you, I need to go!" I made a
couple of mistakes that only God and I know about and I never shared
with my sis or closest friends. It was regrettable and not worth
talking about... kinda like... "You better hope you have a long music
career... What was THAT? Talk about 10 seconds of love... drive by
sex... I've had sneezes that lasted longer! So you've slept with
1,000's of girls because you're famous and I'm supposedly the best you
ever had... thanks for the compliment but once was enough for me”. :(
sis Amber and a few wild friends, one named Mendy who said, "My Mom
spelled it right, she KNEW I'd like men", I went through a BRIEF wild
streak and realized that alcohol was NOT for me. Between us girls, we
had experiences like, "If you're gonna rip the buttons off of a man's
shirt in the heat of passion, it's a GOOD IDEA to be sober... don't
wanna ingest a button... there's NOTHING like 'searching for air' to
make you lose a buzz fast." And another thing... "Who's that singing in
the back seat? Go, Go, Godzilla!" Now tell me, "How was he?"
WELL..."Oh My God, my LIPS are swollen!" "Which ones?" "ALL FOUR!" LOL!
"Stop complaining, I'm jealous!" OK... Amber... "You're blonde and I'm
blonde... there's a red hair on the pillowcase... which one of us
f***ed Carrot Top last night?" Hands off... "you get your own blender
of margaritas, this one is mine!" "OH... that was TOO MUCH... turn off
that f***ing Christmas tree! The blinking is like an ice-pick in my
forehead!" "What's that smell?" "You did WHAT???" "I threw a blanket on
the tree because I couldn't find the plug to unplug it!" "How many
times have we missed our exit on the turnpike? We have to pay to get
off each time, we're gonna be broke by the time we get there... TOO
MUCH Boone's farm!" "Guess what... you peed on the marquis at the
club!" "I DID NOT!" "Did too" "Did not" "YEP... the proof's at a one
hour photo lab now!" "OH MY GOD... I DID!" "I'm sorry officer, we had
to go... BAD!" "Amber, where are your hands? OK... so if those are
yours and these are mine, whose hand is on my breast?" "AWWWW... you
poor things... travelling all smashed on that little tour bus... we
work at a hotel, want a free room? :) "Hey, Angel and Amber, do you
know who THAT was? "Yeah, some jerk named Joe... rude AND he's bad at
darts" GIRLS... that was Joe Lynn Turner... "Yeah, well, SO... he still
sucks at darts!" Girls, why did you diss
the drummer from Krokus too? "Oops sorry... didn't see him either"
THAT'S ROBIN ZANDER? OOPS! OK... Asshole alert tonight, they're out in
full force. "OK, you be 'Jade Greene' and I'll be 'Emerald Greene'
tonight!" "No, you were Emerald last time" "OK, Ruby and Pearl???" LOL!
SO... "You're Greg Allman's son... good for you... I'm gonna be sick, I
need to go!"
were the numerous professions of lust..."I want that f***ing drummer
NOW!" "Good, because I want that f***ing bass player NOW... there will
be no arguments!" :) AND, Angel and Amber ALWAYS got what we wanted and
then decided if what we reeled in was worthy of our company! :) Well,
there was one exception..."What? Resist the charm and beauty of Angel
and Amber...you must be joking!" to which we consoled ourselves,
"Surely, they MUST be gay!" LOL! I had a
whirlwind of back stages and bars and clubs and parties and have to say
something for the guys... anyone who ever watched Tawny Kitaen on a
Whitesnake video and drooled... you had reason to do so. She was one of
those natural beauties, fresh faced and a real sweet lady too. I think
she looked even better in person, something that I found to be rare
when I was used to telling people, "Damn you look old in person!" LOL!
One of my
most memorable experiences back during that time was something that's
close to my heart. I don't know if any of you remember Ray Gillan. He
was in a band called ‘Badlands’ with Jake E. Lee. WELL, he and Jack
Russell from Great White were carrying a couple of kids around
backstage from the ‘Make A Wish Foundation’, or something
similar. These kids' dying wishes were to meet a rock band and go to a
show. Jack and Ray CARRIED these kids ALL OVER and never put them down.
They held them during autographs, pictures, etc. and told fans if they
didn't like it (the kids being in the pic) that they could leave. It
was so sweet to see them carry these kids and see the light in the
said a novel right there, you're thinking... get on with it... Ok,
OK!!! Back to the Dr.Feelgood tour... I was no longer a virgin and no
longer an "Angel" and had a new mission to pick up where I left off
with Nikki, and leave Brandi with the leftovers. I wanted to give him a
"thank you" he'd never forget for the role he played in my having
strength to stand up to the Dr. and fight for what I believed in. My
sis and I were in the driveway making banners to take to the show and
had an idea to make one for the front of the tour bus or semi or
whatever and decided to make it like a superman shield and write "Super
Crüez" on it and haul it with us.
Daddy in the driveway home from work and here we're...what??? 19 and 22
and thinking, "OH GOD... Daddy's gonna kill us!" and decided it was too
late to hide it because we were "busted." We waited for the lecture
because we were practically geriatric age and still being treated like
4 year olds. BUT... to our SHOCK... Daddy says, "Can I help?" We
thought the world was coming to an end! LOL! So
we tell Daddy we want to make "tire tracks" with black paint on each
side of the shield and he says, "I have a great idea... here... I have
this can of black spray paint... get down there close to my tire and
spray it on the tire while I drive!" It was one of the funniest
experiences of my life. It was a mess! The sheet wadded up in the
tires, we had black paint all over the driveway and thought we'd be
grounded for life and Daddy surprised us and said, "Let's try again"
and we had squealing tires and smoke in the driveway and Mama runs
outside and asks, "HAVE YOU LOST YOU MIND EDWARD?" To which Daddy says,
"I lost it a long time ago... it's just a driveway, who cares... I'm
gonna do it and do it right!" Amber and I were crying we were laughing
so hard but by God, Daddy came through and got the job done!
made T-shirts for the special occasion with glitter paint, stencils and
glow in the dark paint with "Mötley Crüe" on the front and "Warrant" on
the back. We headed out on our road trip armed with a water gun that
was a battery operated machine gun ready to wet the Crüe if we could
get it in past security... a little harder to hide than a 35mm camera
between your breasts! :)
I had no
idea if the people who worked for Mötley Crüe were the same any more...
same tour manager? Head of security? All I knew is that, "We are NOT
sitting in these nose-bleed seats." I hate heights and the steep stairs
made me dizzy. I told Amber we'd do the "dumb blonde trick." A little trick prompted by Daddy saying, "Go
ahead, let the world think you're a dumb blonde, they'll never know
what hit them... you'll always have the upper hand when people don't
expect anything from you!" I don't think Daddy had the idea in mind
that we'd sneak up closer and closer and closer and plan to say if we
go caught, "OH... Section A... I thought it was ROW A!"
plan worked like a charm and we enjoyed the show WITHOUT vertigo from
the balcony! :) I debated whether I should try to see Nikki at the
show, at the venue, or wait until afterwards at the hotel. I wondered
what I should say… do??? I thought about bringing white roses to the
show and see if there was any truth to Nikki saying they were his
favourites or if he was just talking trash. I thought about bringing
another $2 bill ring like the one my Grannies made for him. I thought
decided, "You think WAY TOO f***ing much... jeeze... chill out!" BUT, I
had STILL never told her my whole saga with Nikki. I finally told her
that I had "met him" and thought he was hot and that he was really cool
etc. so she assumed that I just had a crush and wanted to follow
through on it and she was backing me in my adventure.
Now, I have to say one thing about a Crüe show.
Being the "thinker" and over-analyzer that I am... I always wondered if
possibly the front row WASN'T the "best seat in the house." During
‘Girls, Girls, Girls’ I had decided to test my theory and found that it
was interesting to see a show from EVERY angle! Up front it's hard to
get a good "visual" of all of the stage show/light show/pyro etc. It's
REALLY cool to see all of that from the top in the cheap seats or a
lawn seat at say... Pine Knob! (Detroit crowds ROCK) Then there's the
given that there's nothing like being so close to the pyro that you
don't need to wax your eyebrows! :) Or
your bikini line for that matter! ;) LOL!
Now, we had
brought enough clothes for a month and I had settled on going casual
with our T-shirts we had made and jeans that were shredded with razor
blades and frayed in bleach! WOO HOO!
Nothing like 80's and 90's "Holy Jeans" WELL... it's after the show and
we're on our "mission" at the hotel and are clad in our ripped jeans
and some guy says, "Hey, you have a hole in your jeans!" I was
thinking, "No shit Sherlock... I have 1,000!" and he says, "NO... you
have A HOOOOLE in your jeans!" I turned and looked at Amber and she was
smirking and my whole left cheek of my jeans had ripped off... too much
bleach! OOPS! I looked at Amber and said
"DID YOU KNOW MY ASS WAS HANGING OUT?" and she said,
"I figured you'd 'show your ass anyway!" I was so
embarrassed. I did NOT feel comfortable like Prince in his "butt-out"
jeans! Amber just laughed at my expense.
were walking along in this 5 star hotel with my ass hanging out of my
jeans and a flock of chics ran past us in fishnet hose and come f*** me
pumps and we KNEW who they were looking for! :) A security guard yells,
"STOP!" and we froze! I thought I was gonna get arrested for indecent
exposure showing my ass at a 5 star hotel. The guy laughed and said,
"Not you... THEM!!!" and another security guard caught them at the
corner and the guy by us was laughing at us for looking like deer in
the headlights and said (as we're wearing our Crüe/Warrant shirts), "You girls wouldn't HAPPEN to be looking for
anyone in particular would you?" Amber snickers and says, "Do you want
the truth or do you want us to lie to you?" The guy said he was pleased
that there were still some honest people in the world (who us???) LOL!
He told us that the Crüe had asked to NOT be disturbed for the evening
because they were having a private party in the room, would NOT be
coming back to the lounge BUT since we were so sweet... we should look
for them in the morning before they check out. So we decided to turn in
and get our 8 hours of beauty sleep... yeah right! We laughed and
giggled about our own silly asses and my butt-out jeans!
morning the room looked like the backstage of a Miss USA
pageant. Clothes and makeup and shoes were everywhere and I couldn't
decide what to wear and was getting nervous about seeing Nikki and
wondering what I should say... what would HE SAY? Would he remember me
from my letter "as a fan" or did he remember me from 1987 and the GGG
tour? I turned into my basket case self and changed over and over,
"OK...going to the pool... gonna see him at the pool... gonna wear a
bikini... No, No... too much skin... a skirt... sandals... no...
leather, definitely leather, definitely leather." I sounded like
f***ing "Rainman." I asked Amber to call housekeeping or the
front desk and ask for a pair of scissors. She assumed I was gonna make
a pair of Daisy Dukes from my jeans or cut a few more holes in
another pair. She walked in the room with the scissors as I was trying
to fix my hair and I said, "thanks" and grabbed them and CHOPPED my
hair! Amber almost choked, "DUDE… MAN... what the f*** are you doing?
You're wiggin’ out BAD!" I said, "It wouldn't lay down straight... now
I don't have to worry about it! No bad hair day if it's GONE!" She knew
then and there we were in for a crazy day!
decide in my altered state that I'd just wear a pair of jeans, a
t-shirt, tennis shoes and put my hair in a ponytail or banana clip
(remember those girls?) Amber KNEW I had gone off the deep end and
said, "OH ANGEL... you want to wear something that will make his EYES
POP OUT!!!" I said, "NO, ANYONE can do
that. I want him to remember ME... not my ass!" She
said, "DUDE, I DON'T EVEN RECOGNIZE YOU!"
I have to
take the time to stop and thank my sis for loving me right now. This
may sound strange but she loves me like a stained glass window under a
microscope. Let me explain. Everyone can appreciate the beauty of a
stained glass window from afar. But when people get close enough to see
the flaws, imperfections and cracks (butt ones included) LOL! and they
STILL see the beauty and love the image as a whole package, now THAT'S
LOVE! To have someone love you enough to go ALONG with your dumb assed
ideas JUST to be by your side so you won't make an ass of yourself
ALONE... that's love! If you're lucky enough to have people like that
in your life... brothers, sisters, friends, spouses... cherish them! I
am lucky enough to have several... Amber, Marie, Anne, Edith (sorry I
used your middle name, you can shoot me later)... you all know who you
are. Thank you for loving me, flaws and all!
to the hotel. Amber, loving me enough to humour me went along with me
and we wore LONG jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes etc. and it was a
ZILLION degrees outside. We looked like IDIOTS... Eskimos in a heat
wave! LOL! But she dressed just the same so I wouldn't be "stupid" by
myself. I wondered if we should go to the pool first (in our Eskimo
garb) or hang in the restaurant or the game room or weight room???
While in the atrium I stopped wondering when I saw Mick Mars walk
across the balcony a few floors up above our heads.
"LOOK, there's Mick... Nikki's gotta be around." I turned to see Amber
lying on a bench holding her side laughing having a cigarette and I
said, "WHAT?" She said, "OH... this is GOOD... I'm gonna hold this one
over your head FOREVER!" WELL... it was a
simple case of mistaken identity. LOL! It WAS NIKKI! From a distance it
looked like he had on a red shirt and LOOONG black hair. WELL... it was
actually a shirt or jacket (I forget) with a black body and red sleeves
and I thought the black body was LOOOONG black hair and it had to be
Mick. I bet no one else has ever mistaken Nikki for Mick!
Amber regains her composure I start to do a "Carl Lewis" to the
elevator and Amber says, "CHILL OUT!!! It's
a GLASS elevator, if he sees you make a mad dash to it to meet him at
the bottom he'll yell 'SECURITY' and you'll never get to him!" SO... I listened to her and tried to act
"human" LOL! and we went out to the pool to wait for Nikki to come out.
Here we sit in the BLAZING heat in our long jeans and we see some freak
take off his pants and hop in the pool in his fruit of the looms. Damn,
and I thought WE were underdressed at a 5 star hotel! :)
were laughing and Nikki walked out to the pool and I was soooo nervous!
Amber and I watched as he covered his BODY in suntan oil and his
tattoos in sunscreen and he was wearing these tiny little black shorts.
Yes, he looks better in them than Richard Simmons! LOL! ;)
He rolled the waistband down and rolled the legs up
and Amber said, "Are you f***ing NUTS? You turned THAT DOWN?" I was
saying, "SSShhh, he'll hear you!" She said, "He can't hear us" and I
said, "I bet he can" and then a waitress asked if he wanted anything
and we heard his reply and I said, "Ummm, Amber... if WE can hear
HIM... then HE can hear US!"
He got up
and started walking towards us and I thought, "Oh, no, we did it now,
he's gonna tell us to leave so he can catch some rays in PEACE!" He
asked if he could join us and sat down at our table. Amber was looking
at me like, "OK, make your move" and I said, "Great show last night"
(DUH!!!) And he says something like, "cool, glad you
liked it but we were having an off night and thought we sucked" and
Amber was kicking me under the table and he said, "I'll come back
before I leave to chat more" and walked away. He went back to his lawn
chair and Amber started giving me HELL... "TELL HIM WHO YOU ARE!" I
said, "Look, you don't understand, if I have to TELL him then it
defeats the purpose. I want him to recognize ME!" She says, once again,
"I DON'T RECOGNIZE YOU!"
He came back
and we talked about the nut in the fruit of the looms and I took out a
pic of me from Dec. 1988 when I was sick and told him that I had looked
like THAT (shit) and that "Home Sweet Home" helped me through it.
STILL, no light bulb moment. I was ready to crawl under the table. He said, "WOW, cool, yada yada yada" and
signed an autograph that said, "Keep the faith, yours always,
Nikki-Crüe" and I thought, "OK... I KNOW it's time to leave now... he
just did the 'appease a fan' bit! UGH! I wanted to die.
kicking me and I decided to give him a $2 bill ring and see if he'd
remember THAT since he didn't recognize ME and that didn't ring a bell
either. He said it was one of the coolest things he ever got but made
no reference to remembering the OTHER one and he put it on. He walked
back to get his stuff and Amber said, "JUST TELL HIM WHO YOU F***ING
ARE!!! IF YOU DON'T I WILL!!!!" I said, "NO... I want to go home" and
wanted to cry but sucked it up and he came back and told us there would
be another show in the area not on the schedule and to listen for it
and come see them. Amber handed him a pic of me from 1987 and I KNEW I
was ready to leave when she said, "That's what she NORMALLY looks like
when she's not doing the domestic thing" referring to me looking like a
dweeb with my nut-job haircut and jeans etc.
was a cheerleading picture from the GGG tour time. I had given Nikki an
exact one in 1987. WELL... he said, "WOW" when he looked at it but
still didn't recognize me and I was ready to crawl home. I held my
composure and watched him walk away looking at the picture. Amber said,
"LOOK... he hasn't taken his eyes off of it... his wheels are
turning... he's gonna remember and turn around. He looked at it all the
way back into the hotel lobby but didn't turn back. I said, "OK, let's
go home" and Amber said we should wait and see what happens but I was
SO hurt I wanted to die.
me how she wasn't gonna let me give up so easily and we WERE gonna go
to that show Nikki mentioned and so we did. Amber talked me into
bringing a copy of my "Home Sweet Home" version I wrote in the
hospital. I gave it to someone to give to Nikki. Next thing I know,
someone taps me on the shoulder and says, "Are you Angel Aderhold?" I
was like, "YESSS... who wants to know?" He said, "Nikki would like to
see you after the show" and I said, "OK" and he motioned where he
wanted us to sit so Nikki could see me.
Sharise and Brandi were there and standing on
the edge of the stage and kept staring at us and flipped us a bird. I
thought, "US? What did WE DO? They just gave us the finger!" I was
thinking, "Why did they do that?" while Amber says, "Ooooo, Good...
that's a GOOD SIGN! She's jealous of you!"
WELL, we found out that Sharise and Brandi had told security to NOT let
us backstage so I waited to see the guy who told me Nikki wanted to see
me. I saw him right after the show and he said, "Sorry, Nikki left. He
and Brandi went STRAIGHT to the hotel when he came off stage!" and I
thought, "OK… whatever THAT was... I can take a hint... I'm going home"
and the guy told us, "You can see him at the hotel, they're staying
at..." and Amber said, "Let's go." I said, "NO... he KNEW I was here,
wanted to see me and changed his mind. I'm NOT gonna chase him." Amber said, "BUT, you have NO idea what Brandi
told him. She could have said anything to get him to leave... said you
were claiming a paternity suit, said you already left after talking to
her... any thing!!!" I said, "NO... I won't push... BUT... I DO want to
know what he remembers... does he know me as 'a fan in need' from my
letter? Does he remember 1987? Does he know that the letter from "a
fan" was the SAME person??? I do want to find out ONE DAY but now's not
thing I knew, Nikki and Brandi are married and OTHERS may pursue
married men but the way I was raised... having a girlfriend is one
thing but having a WIFE!!!! You just DON'T GO THERE! Married men are
simply "OFF LIMITS." No excuses where I come from. SO... I decided to
let it go but wanted to thank Nikki ONE DAY for the role he played in
my life and me NOT having a hysterectomy. But I thought... "the time
month, the final instalment... Chapter 9
- Nikki Changes my life AGAIN!
Until then, remember...buttons
are NOT digestible!
Previous: Chapter 7
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listing of Chronological Crue interviews.
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