Chronological Crue is proud to share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads every month, of an extraordinary relationship that grew between a special young fan and the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the journey with us, as every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting and treating, the tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication, of this unique perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are written and contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.

Chapter 6 - Kiss My A$$ - December 2000.

The current leg of the "Girls, Girls, Girls" tour was winding down and I was falling apart. I went to my Grannies again yapping about how this leg of the tour was almost over and Nikki would be going to Japan and Europe and I may never see him again, etc. They told me to calm down and that it was time for me to 'test the waters.' I said, "Meaning???" My Great Granny said to me, "Haven't you applied to a lot of different colleges? And isn't UCLA one of them because you want to head west to the Pacific Ocean and further away from the Atlantic?" I said, "Yes, why?" She said, "GIRL, do I have to spell it out for you? It's time you tell your PARENTS that you've decided to go to UCLA and YOU can be near Nikki and take it from there... see what happens. See if when he gets home, off the road, he wants nothing to do with you and forgets all about you, or if he'd be pleased to know you'd be moving to the neighbourhood." 

I said, "But Granny, they'll DIE if I tell them I'm moving THAT far away" and my Granny added that the whole family would miss me but "that's what planes are for" and I could visit home any time... but what SHE really wanted, was for me to see the world and "LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY DAMN IT!" I said "Oh, I don't know... best case scenario, I go to L.A. and Nikki DOESN'T tell me to get lost... then what? I can't bring NIKKI SIXX home for Thanksgiving or Christmas!!! Imagine NIKKI SIXX on your porch chewing Red Man chewing tobacco with Uncle Jim and having a spitting contest off of your swing!!! It would surely be a 'what's wrong with THIS picture?' scene." 

And so...I got a lecture about how you CAN'T plan every day, week, month, year ahead in your life because you NEVER know what can happen and IF we'll be given a tomorrow, so you can't live in the "What If..." You have to live "One Day at a Time" and that I NEEDED to test the waters in another way by actually TELLING my parents that I was going to go to a Crüe show AND BUY THE SHIRT damn it! I realized that they were right. I thought WAY TOO MUCH and I needed to 'come clean' to my parents but in SMALL DOSES so they wouldn't die or kill ME! 

So I went home and devised a plan and worked it out in my head with a plan B and C and... LOL!  I knew that the next show I was going to, would be the LAST show I'd see Nikki on this leg of the tour. I thought about what would be the easiest way to break this to my parents and did some planning. I decided to go with a neighbour (a guy friend) who my parents thought of as a brother to me and knew he'd protect me, etc. So I told them that Paul and I were going to see the Crüe! As I waited for the fallout, my parents' eyes bulged and my Daddy's nostrils flared. I was like, "UH OH!" and he started to give me the ole, "Over MY dead body" speech. 

I interrupted and said, "LOOK, you CAN'T protect me forever. I KNOW you love me and want the best for me but I have to live MY OWN LIFE. When I'm in California at college you won't have ANY IDEA what concert I'm at or WHO I'm with." With that, my Mom almost fainted and they both started thinking that a concert was "A GOOD THING" all of a sudden because at least it wasn't on the other side of the U.S. and they thought that I would come home to THEIR house afterwards and NOT to my new residence in L.A. So my Mom was crying and my Daddy told me, "OK, you can go, but for God's sake, BE CAREFUL! And you BETTER tell Paul that he better be with you EVERY SECOND to look after you!" 

It was the day of the show... and my dog died. I had this dog and another (Dixie and Rebel) since I was 4 years old! Yes, note the southern names! LOL! So I was crying and in a bad mood and went to Paul's in my jeans and tank top that my Dad thought, "the jeans are WAY too tight and the shirt shows WAY too much." Well, I got to Paul's and started changing in his bedroom and he was like, "DAMN, ANGEL??? Where did you get THOSE CLOTHES?" I smiled and said "Ancient Chinese Secret... I could tell you but then I'd have to kill you... a girl has to have a FEW secrets!" I was wearing a white see-through half-shirt that was tight, and a pink tight as skin skirt with white fringe on the side (yes, the 80's fringe again) LOL! and white boots.

WELL, Paul had a few secrets of his own! We got in the car and went to pick up two other guys (part of my security for the evening) LOL and then I saw a cooler in the back seat and then next thing I knew the guys are drinking and passing pot and I'm like, "Ummm, maybe I should drive" and we were weaving all over the highway. I prayed all the way to the "big city" that I'd make it there alive. When we got there I told the guys that I KNEW they wanted to go into the pit but I was scared to, so we'd meet by the door after the show and they said, "COOL MAN" and were all so f***ed up I could have told them I was cutting off their left testicle and they'd have said, "OK, COOL!" 

SO... I quickly made myself scarce, out of their sight and actually went and bought my FIRST Crüe T-shirt! I did my usual... went down to the wall to ask for the tour manager or head of security to get backstage and, "WHAT, what do you mean you WON'T get them for me???" I was shocked to find out that out of all of the places I had seen the Crüe that the venue closest to me had the tightest security... are you kidding me? I said, "LOOK, just tell them Angel's here and they'll let me back, and if I'm lying they'll say DON'T let her back" and they said, "No Can Do." They were starting to get obstinate with me and threatening that if I didn't lay off they'd escort me OUT of the building. I wanted to go psycho on them but tried to calmly say "I know Nikki Sixx, could you just please take a second and ASK someone if I'm telling the truth?" and they said, "Yeah, EVERYONE knows Nikki or Vince or Tommy or Mick or their brother's cousin's half-Aunt is Tommy's sister... enjoy the show now, ya hear?" I was livid... but decided, "OK, I have two choices, I can go to the OTHER side of the stage and try to ask security over there or I can wait until I SEE someone I know walk out and yell at them to tell these asses to let me back." 

So I decided to work my way over to the other side and the lights went out and Guns N Roses came on. HOLY SHIT! Back in the day, was that a match made in heaven... Guns and the Crüe on the ONE BILL! They were WILD and the fans were NUTS and I was suddenly pushed into the pit and it took me ALL of their set AND almost all of the Crüe's to work my way to the other side of the stage... and FINALLY I got to security over there. I managed to keep my Crüe shirt tied around my waist in all of the madness. I got to security and told them who I was and to, "PLEASE ask and you'll KNOW I'm not lying" and the guy said, "Sorry honey" just as someone came by and snatched my Crüe shirt from me! The security guard saw the guy do it and jumped to chase him and I all of a sudden started crying. The other security guard left was like, "It's JUST a shirt" and I was like, "YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!!!! My dog died, tonight is the last time I can see Nikki this leg, and NOW I got my shirt stolen, the one that it took a LOT of nerve for ME to buy to wear around MY PARENTS!" SO, the security guard COULDN'T catch the guy and came back and the show was over and I was a puddle of jello, just sobbing. 

The security guard says, "Hey, it's OK, come with me" and took me around the corner to the backstage area. I KNEW he was going to let me backstage then and I was thinking about my "plan" with my guy friends... and I SAW them looking for me and WATCHED as they decided to leave me. I actually HID behind the security guard so they wouldn't see me and I stopped at a pay phone still crying... which fit my plan better... and called my parents and said how, "THEY LEFT ME!!!" BOO HOO! But, I'm backstage with security, I'll be safe, can you come and get me?" My PLAN was that my parents would HAVE to meet Nikki and maybe they'd realize he was a HUMAN and NOT Satan in the flesh. 

I got off of the phone and the security guard started to lead me... and I had been crying and looked like shit and took my makeup out to slap on a fresh coat of pain, spackle and a putty knife! LOL! I saw Tommy Lee and he jokingly asked, "Got a date?" because I was 'primping.' I saw Axl Rose for about 2 seconds and he gave me one of those, "Well, HELLO there" looks and I didn't even speak to him. I turned my nose up and asked Tommy, "Where's Nikki?" and Axl gave an 'eat shit and die' look as I smiled and I walked past him. 

I FINALLY got to Nikki and told him about my dog and the hassle from security etc. and someone had given him a dozen red roses and he asked me, "Ya want em? They're just gonna die" and I said, "No thanks, I HATE red roses." He said, "Really?" and I said "Yeah, my favorites are white" and he said, "Me too" and I said that red roses remind me of death, caskets, funerals, etc. but white reminded me of life and light. I later told someone I wanted to give Nikki white roses one day because of that and they said (from a guy's perspective) that Nikki probably didn't give a shit about ANY flowers, of ANY color...he was just telling me what I wanted to hear to try to get into my pants. I don't know if Nikki was serious or humoring me??? 

ANYWAY, Nikki and I talked and he had given me his address and phone number on a previous visit and he said, "You should come to Japan" and I was like, "YEAH, RIGHT... I DO have a passport BUT, can you see me calling my DAD from the other side of the world?" WELL, Nikki and I talked and next thing I knew, there was a policeman in front of me asking, "Are you Angel Aderhold?" I thought "WTF? What did I DO?" I said, "Ummm... yeah" and he said, "Come with me" and nothing else. Nikki started to argue with him and I was trying to ask, "But WHY?" and he said, "Do you realize she's a minor?" and motioned for Nikki to back away from me and I hugged Nikki and started crying and the cop said that it was OK, my PARENTS had CALLED the station and TOLD them to look for me backstage and to come pick me up and take me to the station where I'd be safe until they got there. I was still holding the roses Nikki and I were discussing and I laid them down and took one out and took it with me. 

So I got to the station and they were booking people and people were asking, "What are YOU in for?" and being dressed all 'rocked out' for a concert, with a red rose, they all assumed I was a hooker! I was SOOOO embarrassed. My parents showed up and I went into my, "OH Daddy, I was so scared, they left me ALL ALONE, it was HORRIBLE... BUT, I met Nikki Sixx and he's NOT Satan after all, he's a REALLY nice guy, honest!" My Mom was like, "YOU MET THEM???" and I said, "Yeah, and they're ALL really nice guys" and she started to lecture me and I said, "Mama, you're such a hypocrite... wasn't it YOU who always taught me to NEVER judge a book by its cover? Nikki is AWESOME...and I might just look him up when I get to L.A." 

Well... I cried on the way home thinking that it would probably be summer before I saw Nikki again and he probably wouldn't give two shits about me by then, I'd be a distant memory. We got back to town and my Dad went to Paul's house to chew him a new asshole about leaving me and to THIS day, I NEVER told Paul I SAW him leave me. Each time I visit home I think, "I need to tell him" but never get around to it. 

Anyway, Nikki went back to L.A. and I went back to my schoolgirl life and it SUCKED. Nikki called a few times and I talked about UCLA and he told me I needed to come out and that he needed me. Then I hear Nikki is arrested in Japan and THEN I hear Nikki is DEAD! That was the first news report I heard... NOT, that Nikki had OD'd and been brought back, but that he was DEAD! I almost died! I ran to tell my Grannies and they had already heard it on TV. and THEN I heard he was still alive. I wanted to go see him and I thought, "Plane, train, automobile, or chitty chitty bang bang, I'm GOING to L.A. NOW!" and I bought a ticket and then sat there thinking that I WAS still 17 and my parents would DIE and I couldn't drop out of school with one semester left and college ahead. So I didn't go. 

I wondered if Nikki was mad at me and hated me and never wanted to see me again? Did I let him down? Did he REALLY need me? Or was he just talking shit? Did he ever mean ANYTHING he said when he was with me or was it all an act to try to get the 'goody goody virgin' to give in? Did I ever really mean ANYTHING to him? All in all, it had ended like this... I NEVER had sex with Nikki, not even the Monica Lewinsky kind... would I EVER? Would he EVER give me the time of day again? Or was I just a flavor of the week and long forgotten? 

Nikki taught me a lot of things about myself. I realized I was strong, independent, and capable of following my dreams. I realized I was brighter than most, had a better sense of humor than most, had a good outlook on life and was kinda cute too! Nikki taught me that things aren't always what they seem and that it's TRUE that you should NEVER judge a book by its cover. Nikki introduced me to myself, if that makes any sense. I realized WHO I was and what I wanted out of life. 

I learned that "Kiss my A$$" isn't always an insult and that I would actually welcome the RIGHT person licking my A$$! Hmmm....I left out a few details didn't I? Like I said, a girl has to have a FEW secrets! All in all, Nikki and I spent time together and talked about ups and downs of life. Like when Nikki puked on my shoes and apologized a million times while I said, "It's JUST a pair of shoes." I was there when he needed to talk... I didn't know WHY I was there??? Was he attracted to me? Was I a therapist? Was I a sister figure? WELL, probably not with the A$$ licking! LOL Unless you live in Deliverance Country and welcome incest, but that's another story! JUST KIDDING! After Nikki OD'd, I wanted to be with him more than ever. I looked forward to going to L.A. in the summer for my UCLA future!

Next month, Chapter 7 - Second Chances & New Beginnings! 
See you next year,

Previous: Chapter 5