Chronological Crue is proud to share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads every month, of an extraordinary relationship that grew between a special young fan and the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the journey with us, as every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting and treating, the tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication, of this unique perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are written and contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.

Chapter 5 - Salivating Like Pavlov's Dog! - November 2000.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "GRANNY... cut the shit and open the door... it's ME!" "Me who?" "Damn it Granny, LET ME IN!" "OK, hold your horses." FINALLY, my Granny lets me in to rant and rave about my latest ‘Mötley Adventure’ and she and my Great Granny say, "Let us get a pot of coffee and get comfortable for THIS." Great Granny says, "OK, GO... spill it" and I said, "WELL... Ummm... I..." and Granny say, "DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH HIM?" and I said, "WELL... I had an orgasm. Does THAT count?" Great Granny says, "WELL, shit fire and save the matches... we're not playing horseshoes here... close doesn't count... what happened?"

Granny says, "OH, NO... let me guess, HE couldn't get it up because of the drugs... you poor thing" and I said, "NO, NO, it's not like that... what happened WAS..." and Great Granny tells me, "For heaven's sake, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW? Share the WEALTH!" Granny says, "Spread some my way while you're at it if we're talking about orgasms here." Great Granny tells her to can it because she gets more sex than any other 70 year old woman on the Planet.

So they look at each other and in stereo tell me that I need to "shit or get off the pot" and I BETTER have a better story to report next time. Granny says, "I wanna hear that you're too damn sore to wear jeans and that you have rug burns on your back!" I say, "OK, I'll see what I can do" and left for my next adventure.

Now, here I am ALONE in a hotel room with Nikki and thinking, "OK... now what? I am SO f***ing nervous I'm afraid I might puke on him and somehow I think that might kill the mood! LOL. What if I suck? What if he thinks I was a waste of time? What if I find out that I like it and am a nymphomaniac and Nikki just ends up thinking I'm a slut? What if..." and I finally say to Nikki, "OK, it's like this... I am so damn turned on by you that I don't NEED to have sex to have an orgasm but I'm so scared that YOU won't feel the same way because I'm inexperienced and I will suck etc. SO...could we just kinda take it slow and build up to that point?" and I was looking as serious as a neurologist on my way into surgery.

Nikki breaks the ice and says jokingly, "OK, you can start with a blow job and we can go from there!" and I said, "Careful what you wish for... I bite" and he says, "GOOD, I like it rough!" I said, "Seriously, I KNOW that I want to do this and I KNOW that I want to do it with YOU but I just want to get to know you some more first, so don't count on anything happening tonight... next time..." and he says jokingly, "Sure I can't change your mind? I'll bathe for you!" LOL and I say, "Nah, I've made up my mind."

SO, I thought he would kick me out but he said "I AM gonna bathe, here's the remote, make yourself comfortable" and I soon became a secretary with a gazillion people calling the room wanting Nikki to do this and that and to come here and come there and come join the party… so finally I took the phone off of the hook after writing down a string of messages and started my split personality again... "I may never be ALONE with him again... THIS might be my only chance! I just have to drop my clothes and walk in the bathroom... No, I can't do that... I have to take it slow... but why? I don't really WANT to take it slow, I want him in a bad way, I'm just afraid HE will be disappointed.

I stood there at the bathroom door with my hand on the doorknob thinking, "JUST GO IN... how hard could it be? Just TURN the f***ing knob and WALK IN!" I looked like one of the Three Stooges going back and forth to the door, holding the knob, letting go. I FINALLY got up the nerve to crack the door and the steam from the shower came out as I opened the door. I could smell a mixture of shampoo, soap, and a wall of hairspray being washed out of Nikki's hair. I stood there just wafting and taking in the smell and wondering, "What would Nikki want? Would he want me to walk in naked? Or want me to still have my clothes on so he could undress me? Or is he an "I'll take it any way I can get it" kind of guy?

Nikki turned the water off and I panicked and felt like a spy and ran back to the chair by the phone and ripped open a bag of M&M's and popped 1/2 of a bag full in my mouth. When Nikki walked out I looked casually as though I had been watching TV and eating M&M's and taking messages for him.

He got dressed and we went back to join the party and when we walked in Vince was trashed and sang (mocking me) "Girls, Girls, Girls,...short legs and hot pink lips" and I gave him one of those teasing backhand slaps like, "Cut it out." My height was joked about often. The guys and their ‘Mötley Mafia’ of followers talked about all sorts of topics and some were ‘over my head.’ I heard a conversation about the guys "pulling a train" with a girl and in MY innocence, when I thought of a train, I thought along the lines of Mr. Rogers' Trolley and had NO IDEA that pulling a train meant guys having sex one after another with the same girl. DUH!

Mötley educated me in a lot of ways! LOL! We all talked about foot fetishes and who had one and who didn't and why or why not. MY thoughts were "GROSS... I think feet are the ugliest part of the human body. I think God has a sense of humor. AND, besides, what about the toe jam? YUCK!" Some people agreed with me and others tried to enlighten me and change my view. Tommy talked about loving feet and how sexy they were to him and how he loved high-heeled sandals that showed toes. I joked about "What about people having bunions and peanut toes and corns?" Tommy quickly stated that he liked "well maintained feet, pedicures etc. that were found on 'high-maintenance women' and not just any old feet!"

I left knowing that my plans of losing my virginity hadn't happened again and a story about foot fetishes and M&M's wouldn't make my Grannies proud. They actually yelled at me, "What are you doing girl? You DEFINITELY don't want to be a tease. Men HATE that. He's probably sick of you hanging around and not doing 'anything for him' and he'll probably tell you to go home the next time you see him OR worse, maybe he won't want to see you at all and have his people keep you from even getting to him." I said, "BUT I’m not teasing him. I'm not opening up a can of worms and starting to have sex and then leaving him with blue balls. I haven't done ANYTHING... I haven't even kissed him." They were quick to remind me that NIKKI SIXX would never have to know what blue balls were because the minute I walked away from him, girls were there ready, willing and able to give him sex, blow jobs, whatever he wanted.

I started to hate my life at school. I hated the lie I was living and hated being in a place where people are talking about having a party at the "Tree" or the "Pit" or the "Dip" and there would be a bonfire and a keg and... I just thought "BIG F***ing deal! If y'all only knew what I had been doing the last few weeks!" It was hard to get excited about the cute jock from the football team telling my friend that he thought I was hot and wanted to ask me out. I was so aloof and felt like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever, it figures. I would have DIED to go out with him a few months ago and now every guy I look at I compare him to NIKKI SIXX and nobody interests me now. I have NO interest in guys around here now whose ambitions are to work at the local trailer plant or better yet, OWN their own lot and sell trailers! Oh Boy... what ambition! UGH!

I wanted away from the Key Club and Science Club and Spanish Club etc. that I had used as alibis and I wanted OUT of this dead end town. I KNEW I was getting out NEXT year because of all of my scholarship offers for college and how being brainy with a high IQ would pay off but I felt like I didn't want to wait another DAY. I sat in class and would think about how many more hours until my next drive or next flight and how many hours it would be before I was with Nikki again and out of the teenybopper crowd.

Somehow being "Miss Popular" at my "rinky dink" high school didn't mean much any more. I was definitely an addict and needed a fix... I had to see Nikki and couldn't wait another minute. I had planned to leave town after school and be on my way to my next 'Mötley Adventure' but I decided sometime during calculus that I'd finish all of my work for the remainder of the school day and turn it in to my Chemistry and English teachers early and leave. I told the office that I had a family emergency and seeing as how I had perfect attendance and wasn't a regular at skipping school, no one questioned me.

I raced home and packed for my next outing. I finally got to Nikki and it was a relief just to see him. He was a breath of fresh air to me. I had been such a neurotic planning this next time I'd see Nikki. I wondered if there was any certain type of perfume that repulsed him (my Dad talked about some perfumes smelling like those deodorant things you hung in a toilet bowl). I wondered if he liked sweet, flowery types or spicy and musky like Opium or musk. (Like he gave a damn what someone smelled like) LOL. I finally decided to mix a few perfumes and see what happened and I'd take a gamble and either end up smelling like my own creation and be original or I'd smell like a skunk from my cocktail of scents.

I walk into the hotel lobby feeling like a million bucks with my head held high. Just weeks earlier I would have felt self-conscious showing so much skin and drawing THAT kind of attention to myself. At this point I was feeling, "Yeah, I KNOW I look good!" I was wearing a short, short pair of black leather shorts and a white see through half shirt. I had decided to go all out and chose a white bra that was one of those ‘barely there’ with no lining to show off the fact that it was November… and I was cold and a bit "nipply" and my high beams were out in full force. I wore a leopard print G-string and a pair of black come f*** me pumps with a chain on the side. Tacky as hell but I was COOL in 1987! LOL!

Nikki approved of my uninhibited look and remarked at how I wasn't "hiding" much any more. The last time I was alone with him I wondered if I'd ever get the chance again and was happy to find out that the answer was yes. So, here Nikki and I are, in a room alone again and I'm glad that I have him to myself because usually it's hard to get two minutes alone with him when everyone wants to be near him. Guys want to get to him to learn more about him and to emulate him and girls want to get near him to f*** him and would have gladly done it right in front of me and not felt shy at all.

So, here I am, alone with Nikki and my heart is racing and I'm getting all hot and bothered and he hasn't even touched me yet. We were talking about how many shows there were left on this leg and the upcoming tour in Japan and Nikki said he wanted to get new tatts in Japan. Nikki was wearing a long-sleeve shirt and he had the sleeves rolled up and I could see a tattoo on his arm that was showing. I started asking him about all of his tattoos and told him I found them fascinating because every tattoo told a story about what the date was when he got it, why he chose it, what it represented etc. and I loved that fact that it was like the saying that "a picture is worth a thousand words."

I said I was interested in knowing if he got certain ones "just because" or if they had special meaning and if he remembered getting all of them or woke up and though, "What the f***? When did I get THAT?" I asked him if he would show me more tattoos and he started unbuttoning his shirt and threw it on the floor. At this point I would have been a man's dream... NOT interested AT ALL in foreplay... I was just thinking "COME and F*** me NOW and forget about taking your time!" I had never been so ravenous in all of my life. I wanted to devour him and I wanted to be devoured by him.

I ran my fingernail around the outline of a tattoo on his upper arm and then traced the outline lightly with my finger and I couldn't control myself. I latched on like leach and ran my tongue around the outline of his tattoo and tasted his skin and wanted to moan. Nikki tasted like a chocolate covered pretzel. His skin was a little sweet and a little salty I was truly salivating like Pavlov's dog. I wanted to see another and another and another. To this day I can't eat my Mom's chocolate covered pretzels in front of her at Christmas as it gives me the heebie-jeebies that I'm thinking of Nikki's skin while my Mom is standing there asking if they taste OK. I'm like, "Shut up and leave me in peace to eat my chocolate covered pretzels!" LOL! AND, YES, I'm a fan of Nestle's Flipz chocolate covered pretzels!

Back to my salivating... Nikki said he had never seen anyone react to his tattoos like this but he wasn't complaining and that I was turning him on. I said, "Well, GOOD, THAT was the plan!" I went from tattoo to tattoo tracing with my nails, my finger, my tongue, and my teeth and Nikki started to undo his pants and I stopped him and I opened them and unzipped them with my teeth and was thinking, "Please God, let him have a million more tattoos in his pants!" WELL, if it had been the year 2000 and not 1987, I would have had a tongue like a piece of sandpaper and would need an IV for dehydration, but back then there wasn't as much square footage to cover on my Lewis and Clark expedition! LOL!

I wanted to lick every square inch of Nikki's body and hoped he'd let me. I ripped my shirt and shorts off like a madwoman and flung my heels across the room with a flick of my ankle. I was working my way down Nikki's stomach and licking his skin and couldn't wait to taste him. I no longer wondered if I'd be good enough but wondered if Nikki would think that I was "too much of a good thing" when he had to pry me off him with the jaws of life. I thought maybe I was about to scare Nikki by swallowing balls and all and he'd say, "OK, OK... that's ENOUGH... Peanuckle!" I inched my way down to Nikki's inner thighs with my teeth and I had every intention of giving Nikki a blow job… but let's just say that the old faithful erupted before the tour group showed up for pictures and it would be a wait for the next showing! LOL!

I thought, "WELL, that's OK, we're even now!" LOL! SO, I didn't have sex AGAIN but I didn't go home on a low note, believe me! I felt like I FINALLY wouldn't have to wonder if I'd be good enough and if I'd embarrass myself... well... that is until... I embarrassed myself in a different way!

Nikki and I were standing in a room full of people and were facing each other talking and I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried the old wife’s tale of looking up at the light to stop it and I tried to stifle it but the harder I tried the worse it got until... as Mick walks by, I let out an atomic sneeze ALL OVER NIKKI and was SO embarrassed that I wanted to crawl in a hole. Mick calmly states, on his way by, without pausing, "Hey Nikki, there's your shower for the week" and kept walking as if NOTHING had happened. I was MORTIFIED! Mick was always funny like that... a man of few words but when he had something to say it was either really funny or really deep and philosophical.

Now, I have to tell of another prank I witnessed. I KNOW that it was Nikki's idea but I don't know if it was him that followed up on it or if it was one of the other guys in the band or one of the ‘Mötley Mafia’ but Nikki thought of a prank to play on Tommy. As I said, it was HIS idea but I don't know who paid for it to take place but someone paid a HUGE black maid to strip to her bra and panties and lay down next to Tommy because he was f***ed up and passed out and so when he came to, he wakes up with this BIG… I mean 300 pounds BIG… black lady next to him and she's rubbing Tommy's stomach and he thinks he's slept with her and just when Tommy's about to have an embolism, she tells him it's a joke. Talk about a sigh of relief! LOL!

I also heard about a bet that the guys had going but I can't confirm it. No one in the band told me, it was someone in the entourage, so I don't know how much truth there was to it but it was said that the guys in the band were keeping a tally to see who got the most blow jobs during that leg of the tour and the three losers were supposed to go in together to buy the winner a new car. Like I said, I don't know if it was true but I heard that Vince was leading the race.

At some point around this time, I gave Nikki a ring that my Grannies helped me make. It was made out of a $2 bill and was folded so that you see the two on the top of your knuckle when you wear it. They told me that a $2 bill was supposedly good luck and that if Nikki's career took a dive, he'd never be broke as long as he had it. I told him that they made it FOR HIM and he thought that they must be the coolest senior citizens alive. I assured him that they were and he thought I was exaggerating when I told him of their QUEST to make their granddaughter lose her virginity.

So, to recap, I like my Nestle's Flipz in private please and next month, I find out that "Kiss My A$$" isn't always a put-down!

Next month, Chapter 6 - Kiss My A$$ 
Until then, watch out for those atomic sneezes!

Previous: Chapter 4