Chronological Crue is proud to
share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads every month, of an
extraordinary relationship that grew between a special young fan and
the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the journey with us, as
every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting and treating, the
tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication, of this unique
perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are written and
contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.
5 - Salivating Like Pavlov's Dog! - November 2000.
"Knock, knock." "Who's
there?" "GRANNY... cut the shit and open the door... it's ME!" "Me
who?" "Damn it Granny, LET ME IN!" "OK, hold your horses." FINALLY, my
Granny lets me in to rant and rave about my latest ‘Mötley Adventure’
and she and my Great Granny say, "Let us get a pot of coffee and get
comfortable for THIS." Great Granny says, "OK, GO... spill it" and I
said, "WELL... Ummm... I..." and Granny say, "DID YOU HAVE SEX WITH
HIM?" and I said, "WELL... I had an orgasm. Does THAT count?" Great
Granny says, "WELL, shit fire and save the matches... we're not playing
horseshoes here... close doesn't count... what happened?"
Granny says, "OH, NO... let
me guess, HE couldn't get it up because of the drugs... you poor thing"
and I said, "NO, NO, it's not like that... what happened WAS..." and
Great Granny tells me, "For heaven's sake, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW? Share
the WEALTH!" Granny says, "Spread some my way while you're at it if
we're talking about orgasms here." Great Granny tells her to can it
because she gets more sex than any other 70 year old woman on the
So they look at each other
and in stereo tell me that I need to "shit or get off the pot" and I
BETTER have a better story to report next time. Granny says, "I wanna
hear that you're too damn sore to wear jeans and that you have rug
burns on your back!" I say, "OK, I'll see what I can do" and left for
my next adventure.
Now, here I am ALONE in a
hotel room with Nikki and thinking, "OK... now what? I am SO f***ing
nervous I'm afraid I might puke on him and somehow I think that might
kill the mood! LOL. What if I suck? What if he thinks I was a waste of
time? What if I find out that I like it and am a nymphomaniac and Nikki
just ends up thinking I'm a slut? What if..." and I finally say to
Nikki, "OK, it's like this... I am so damn turned on by you that I
don't NEED to have sex to have an orgasm but I'm so scared that YOU
won't feel the same way because I'm inexperienced and I will suck etc.
SO...could we just kinda take it slow and build up to that point?" and
I was looking as serious as a neurologist on my way into surgery.
Nikki breaks the ice and
says jokingly, "OK, you can start with a blow job and we can go from
there!" and I said, "Careful what you wish for... I bite" and he says,
"GOOD, I like it rough!" I said, "Seriously, I KNOW that I want to do
this and I KNOW that I want to do it with YOU but I just want to get to
know you some more first, so don't count on anything happening
tonight... next time..." and he says jokingly, "Sure I can't change
your mind? I'll bathe for you!" LOL and I say, "Nah, I've made up my
SO, I thought he would kick
me out but he said "I AM gonna bathe, here's the remote, make yourself
comfortable" and I soon became a secretary with a gazillion people
calling the room wanting Nikki to do this and that and to come here and
come there and come join the party… so finally I took the phone off of
the hook after writing down a string of messages and started my split
personality again... "I may never be ALONE with him again... THIS might
be my only chance! I just have to drop my clothes and walk in the
bathroom... No, I can't do that... I have to take it slow... but why? I
don't really WANT to take it slow, I want him in a bad way, I'm just
afraid HE will be disappointed.
stood there at the bathroom door with my hand on the doorknob thinking,
"JUST GO IN... how hard could it be? Just TURN the f***ing knob and
WALK IN!" I looked like one of the Three Stooges going back and
forth to the door, holding the knob, letting go. I FINALLY got up the
nerve to crack the door and the steam from the shower came out as I
opened the door. I could smell a mixture of shampoo, soap, and a wall
of hairspray being washed out of Nikki's hair. I stood there just
wafting and taking in the smell and wondering, "What would Nikki want?
Would he want me to walk in naked? Or want me to still have my clothes
on so he could undress me? Or is he an "I'll take it any way I can get
it" kind of guy?
Nikki turned the water off
and I panicked and felt like a spy and ran back to the chair by the
phone and ripped open a bag of M&M's and popped 1/2 of a
bag full in my mouth. When Nikki walked out I looked casually as though
I had been watching TV and eating M&M's and taking messages
He got dressed and we went
back to join the party and when we walked in Vince was trashed and sang
(mocking me) "Girls, Girls, Girls,...short legs and hot pink lips" and
I gave him one of those teasing backhand slaps like, "Cut it out." My
height was joked about often. The guys and their ‘Mötley Mafia’ of
followers talked about all sorts of topics and some were ‘over my
head.’ I heard a conversation about the guys "pulling a train" with a
girl and in MY innocence, when I thought of a train, I thought along
the lines of Mr. Rogers' Trolley and had NO IDEA that pulling a
train meant guys having sex one after another with the same girl. DUH!
Mötley educated me in a lot
of ways! LOL! We all talked about foot fetishes and who had one and who
didn't and why or why not. MY thoughts were "GROSS... I think feet are
the ugliest part of the human body. I think God has a sense of humor.
AND, besides, what about the toe jam? YUCK!" Some people agreed with me
and others tried to enlighten me and change my view. Tommy talked about
loving feet and how sexy they were to him and how he loved high-heeled
sandals that showed toes. I joked about "What about people having
bunions and peanut toes and corns?" Tommy quickly stated that he liked
"well maintained feet, pedicures etc. that were found on
'high-maintenance women' and not just any old feet!"
I left knowing that my plans
of losing my virginity hadn't happened again and a story about foot
fetishes and M&M's wouldn't make my Grannies proud. They
actually yelled at me, "What are you doing girl? You DEFINITELY don't
want to be a tease. Men HATE that. He's probably sick of you hanging
around and not doing 'anything for him' and he'll probably tell you to
go home the next time you see him OR worse, maybe he won't want to see
you at all and have his people keep you from even getting to him." I
said, "BUT I’m not teasing him. I'm not opening up a can of worms and
starting to have sex and then leaving him with blue balls. I haven't
done ANYTHING... I haven't even kissed him." They were quick to remind
me that NIKKI SIXX would never have to know what blue balls were
because the minute I walked away from him, girls were there ready,
willing and able to give him sex, blow jobs, whatever he wanted.
I started to hate my life at
school. I hated the lie I was living and hated being in a place where
people are talking about having a party at the "Tree" or the "Pit" or
the "Dip" and there would be a bonfire and a keg and... I just thought
"BIG F***ing deal! If y'all only knew what I had been doing the last
few weeks!" It was hard to get excited about the cute jock from the
football team telling my friend that he thought I was hot and wanted to
ask me out. I was so aloof and felt like, "Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever,
it figures. I would have DIED to go out with him a few months ago and
now every guy I look at I compare him to NIKKI SIXX and nobody
interests me now. I have NO interest in guys around here now whose
ambitions are to work at the local trailer plant or better yet, OWN
their own lot and sell trailers! Oh Boy... what ambition! UGH!
I wanted away from the Key
Club and Science Club and Spanish Club etc. that I had used as alibis
and I wanted OUT of this dead end town. I KNEW I was getting out NEXT
year because of all of my scholarship offers for college and how being
brainy with a high IQ would pay off but I felt like I didn't want to
wait another DAY. I sat in class and would think about how many more
hours until my next drive or next flight and how many hours it would be
before I was with Nikki again and out of the teenybopper crowd.
Somehow being "Miss Popular"
at my "rinky dink" high school didn't mean much any more. I was
definitely an addict and needed a fix... I had to see Nikki and
couldn't wait another minute. I had planned to leave town after school
and be on my way to my next 'Mötley Adventure' but I decided sometime
during calculus that I'd finish all of my work for the remainder of the
school day and turn it in to my Chemistry and English teachers early
and leave. I told the office that I had a family emergency and seeing
as how I had perfect attendance and wasn't a regular at skipping
school, no one questioned me.
I raced home and packed for
my next outing. I finally got to Nikki and it was a relief just to see
him. He was a breath of fresh air to me. I had been such a neurotic
planning this next time I'd see Nikki. I wondered if there was any
certain type of perfume that repulsed him (my Dad talked about some
perfumes smelling like those deodorant things you hung in a toilet
bowl). I wondered if he liked sweet, flowery types or spicy and musky
like Opium or musk. (Like he gave a damn what someone smelled like)
LOL. I finally decided to mix a few perfumes and see what happened and
I'd take a gamble and either end up smelling like my own creation and
be original or I'd smell like a skunk from my cocktail of scents.
I walk into the hotel lobby
feeling like a million bucks with my head held high. Just weeks earlier
I would have felt self-conscious showing so much skin and drawing THAT
kind of attention to myself. At this point I was feeling, "Yeah, I KNOW
I look good!" I was wearing a short, short pair of black leather shorts
and a white see through half shirt. I had decided to go all out and
chose a white bra that was one of those ‘barely there’ with no lining
to show off the fact that it was November… and I was cold and a bit
"nipply" and my high beams were out in full force. I wore a leopard
print G-string and a pair of black come f*** me pumps with a chain on
the side. Tacky as hell but I was COOL in 1987! LOL!
Nikki approved of my
uninhibited look and remarked at how I wasn't "hiding" much any more.
The last time I was alone with him I wondered if I'd ever get the
chance again and was happy to find out that the answer was yes. So,
here Nikki and I are, in a room alone again and I'm glad that I have
him to myself because usually it's hard to get two minutes alone with
him when everyone wants to be near him. Guys want to get to him to
learn more about him and to emulate him and girls want to get near him
to f*** him and would have gladly done it right in front of me and not
felt shy at all.
So, here I am, alone with
Nikki and my heart is racing and I'm getting all hot and bothered and
he hasn't even touched me yet. We were talking about how many shows
there were left on this leg and the upcoming tour in Japan and Nikki
said he wanted to get new tatts in Japan. Nikki was wearing a
long-sleeve shirt and he had the sleeves rolled up and I could see a
tattoo on his arm that was showing. I started asking him about all of
his tattoos and told him I found them fascinating because every tattoo
told a story about what the date was when he got it, why he chose it,
what it represented etc. and I loved that fact that it was like the
saying that "a picture is worth a thousand words."
I said I was interested in
knowing if he got certain ones "just because" or if they had special
meaning and if he remembered getting all of them or woke up and though,
"What the f***? When did I get THAT?" I asked him if he would show me
more tattoos and he started unbuttoning his shirt and threw it on the
floor. At this point I would have been a man's dream... NOT interested
AT ALL in foreplay... I was just thinking "COME and F*** me NOW and
forget about taking your time!" I had never been so ravenous in all of
my life. I wanted to devour him and I wanted to be devoured by him.
I ran my fingernail around
the outline of a tattoo on his upper arm and then traced the outline
lightly with my finger and I couldn't control myself. I latched on like
leach and ran my tongue around the outline of his tattoo and tasted his
skin and wanted to moan. Nikki tasted like a chocolate covered pretzel.
His skin was a little sweet and a little salty I was truly salivating
like Pavlov's dog. I wanted to see another and another and another. To
this day I can't eat my Mom's chocolate covered pretzels in front of
her at Christmas as it gives me the heebie-jeebies that I'm thinking of
Nikki's skin while my Mom is standing there asking if they taste OK.
I'm like, "Shut up and leave me in peace to eat my chocolate covered
pretzels!" LOL! AND, YES, I'm a fan of Nestle's Flipz chocolate
Back to my salivating...
Nikki said he had never seen anyone react to his tattoos like this but
he wasn't complaining and that I was turning him on. I said, "Well,
GOOD, THAT was the plan!" I went from tattoo to tattoo tracing with my
nails, my finger, my tongue, and my teeth and Nikki started to undo his
pants and I stopped him and I opened them and unzipped them with my
teeth and was thinking, "Please God, let him have a million more
tattoos in his pants!" WELL, if it had been the year 2000 and not 1987,
I would have had a tongue like a piece of sandpaper and would need an
IV for dehydration, but back then there wasn't as much square footage
to cover on my Lewis and Clark expedition! LOL!
wanted to lick every square inch of Nikki's body and hoped he'd let me.
I ripped my shirt and shorts off like a madwoman and flung my heels
across the room with a flick of my ankle. I was working my way down
Nikki's stomach and licking his skin and couldn't wait to taste him. I
no longer wondered if I'd be good enough but wondered if Nikki would
think that I was "too much of a good thing" when he had to pry me off
him with the jaws of life. I thought maybe I was about to scare Nikki
by swallowing balls and all and he'd say, "OK, OK... that's ENOUGH...
Peanuckle!" I inched my way down to Nikki's inner thighs with my teeth
and I had every intention of giving Nikki a blow job… but let's just
say that the old faithful erupted before the tour group showed up for
pictures and it would be a wait for the next showing! LOL!
I thought, "WELL, that's OK,
we're even now!" LOL! SO, I didn't have sex AGAIN but I didn't go home
on a low note, believe me! I felt like I FINALLY wouldn't have to
wonder if I'd be good enough and if I'd embarrass myself... well...
that is until... I embarrassed myself in a different way!
Nikki and I were standing in
a room full of people and were facing each other talking and I felt a
sneeze coming on. I tried the old wife’s tale of looking up at the
light to stop it and I tried to stifle it but the harder I tried the
worse it got until... as Mick walks by, I let out an atomic sneeze ALL
OVER NIKKI and was SO embarrassed that I wanted to crawl in a hole.
Mick calmly states, on his way by, without pausing, "Hey Nikki, there's
your shower for the week" and kept walking as if NOTHING had happened.
I was MORTIFIED! Mick was always funny like that... a man of few words
but when he had something to say it was either really funny or really
deep and philosophical.
Now, I have to tell of
another prank I witnessed. I KNOW that it was Nikki's idea but I don't
know if it was him that followed up on it or if it was one of the other
guys in the band or one of the ‘Mötley Mafia’ but Nikki thought of a
prank to play on Tommy. As I said, it was HIS idea but I don't know who
paid for it to take place but someone paid a HUGE black maid to strip
to her bra and panties and lay down next to Tommy because he was f***ed
up and passed out and so when he came to, he wakes up with this BIG… I
mean 300 pounds BIG… black lady next to him and she's rubbing Tommy's
stomach and he thinks he's slept with her and just when Tommy's about
to have an embolism, she tells him it's a joke. Talk about a sigh of
I also heard about a bet
that the guys had going but I can't confirm it. No one in the band told
me, it was someone in the entourage, so I don't know how much truth
there was to it but it was said that the guys in the band were keeping
a tally to see who got the most blow jobs during that leg of the tour
and the three losers were supposed to go in together to buy the winner
a new car. Like I said, I don't know if it was true but I heard that
Vince was leading the race.
At some point around this
time, I gave Nikki a ring that my Grannies helped me make. It was made
out of a $2 bill and was folded so that you see the two on the top of
your knuckle when you wear it. They told me that a $2 bill was
supposedly good luck and that if Nikki's career took a dive, he'd never
be broke as long as he had it. I told him that they made it FOR HIM and
he thought that they must be the coolest senior citizens alive. I
assured him that they were and he thought I was exaggerating when I
told him of their QUEST to make their granddaughter lose her virginity.
So, to recap, I like my Nestle's
Flipz in private please and next month, I find out that "Kiss My
A$$" isn't always a put-down!
month, Chapter 6 - Kiss My A$$
Until then, watch
out for those atomic sneezes!
Previous: Chapter 4
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