Chronological Crue is proud to share these emotion stirring memoirs with Crüeheads every month, of an extraordinary relationship that grew between a special young fan and the Crüe's engine room, Nikki Sixx. Come on the journey with us, as every month we chronologically re-visit the meeting and treating, the tears and the fears, the inspiration and dedication, of this unique perspective on life, Crüe and fate. These chapters are written and contributed under her preferred alias of Angel Aderhold.

Chapter 4 - The Circus and The Cave - October 2000.

Yesterday I was with Nikki Sixx and today I'm back in my boring small town and DYING to talk to someone about my recent split personality. I decided to 'spill the beans' and went where I always went to let it all loose... my Granny and Great Granny's house! Let me start by saying... you may think, "Who cares about your grannies... get on with it," but MY Grannies are THE two coolest Grannies to EVER walk the planet! 

I went to see them and words started flowing out of my mouth like a fountain and my 70 year old Granny asks, "So, did you DO HIM?" I said, "Granny! You KNOW I'm a virgin!" and she said, "If you EVER tell your Mama I told you this I'll beat you like an egg. My advice is that you HAVE to have sex. Don't save it for your wedding night! Life is like a cracker jack box... you may get a nice prize or you may get a piece of $HIT!" My 98 year old Great Granny was chuckling and said, "I'd have to agree. Don't tell your Mama I told you either but it's like this... you CAN'T park a Ferrari in a carport at a trailer park and you also CAN'T park a YUGO in a mansion's marble garage!" I was cracking up. It gets better! My Granny says, "There's all kind of folk... folk who like this and folk who like that and you have to make sure you're likin' the same things, ya hear? Some people like plain old boring sex. Some people like oral sex (gettin' it) but won't give it... some people even like anal sex. Now tell me girl, how much WILL you do for this guy? Would you be up for giving him ANYTHING?" 

I told my Granny, "Granny, it's like this. He turns me on SO MUCH that I'd let him stick it anywhere it would fit. My NOSE Nikki? I don't think it will fit ,but knock yourself out. I'll fix the deviated septum later!" My Great Granny was holding her side laughing and my Granny was slapping her thighs laughing. My Great Granny was trying to say something but doing one of those laughs where no sound is coming out and you can barely breathe and she finally blurted out, "Brings new meaning to 'in one ear and out the other'!!!"

The three of us were laughing so hard we were crying! I thought, "OK, take it easy. Don't wanna send my Grannies into cardiac arrest and have to explain to the family what brought it on." My Great Granny asked to see a picture of Nikki. I said, "I can do better... wanna watch Uncensored, the video?"

SO... here I sit watching Mötley Crüe Uncensored with my 70 and 98 year old Grannies! I told you they were the coolest Grannies on the planet! My Granny said, "I don't get it but if THAT'S what you're into... go for it!" My Great Granny told me when she saw Nikki talking about Mick's drinking problem, "The eyes are the window to the soul. He's a good man honey, got a lot of pain in those eyes he's trying to drown. You can try to teach him to swim or at least throw him a life preserver." I said, "But what if I'm setting myself up to have my heart ripped out?" and she told me, "There are NO ACCIDENTS in life. Things happen for a reason. There's a reason he came into your life. Stop analyzing it and LIVE IT!"

WELL, my sweet little Grannies went shopping for me and called me to come over, told my Mom they needed me to help with the yard and I went over. My Granny is smiling and rips open a big bag of lace bras, panties, lingerie, etc. I said, "DEAR GOD... my sweet Grannies bought THIS?!? I would have PAID to see the cashier's face!" My Great Granny says, "It's time you start showing what you've got. Forget those bras that smash your boobs and suck it in. We've got stuff here that will make them stand up like soldiers!" My Grannies ALSO bought me my first pair of G-string panties or butt floss as Granny called them! LOL! I said, "I can't wear THAT!" They said, "OH YES you can and YES YOU WILL!" I said goodnight to my Grannies and told my Great Granny to, "Have a good night's sleep and I'll see you in the morning" and she responded, "Well, HELL, I should hope so. I aint plannin' on dying in my sleep!" 

So I took their advice and went on a shopping spree of my own! I bought a whole wardrobe of things that broke the southern laws of etiquette... shorter, tighter, plunging neckline, leather, lace, spandex, and a gazillion pairs of come F*** me pumps! I went on my next expedition armed with a white lace G-string on with a bow on the crack of my ass, a white lace bra with an under wire that shot cleavage to my chin, a black leather miniskirt, a silver spandex shirt with a plunging neckline and a classic pair of black spiked heels. I thought... black leather, a little naughty and white lace, a little nice, PERFECT! 

I showed up to see Nikki and his eyes bulged, "WOW! You look... DIFFERENT!" I said, "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" He said, "Oh Baby, it's ALL GOOD!" I was thinking, "Show me HOW GOOD before I explode!" when he hugged me. You know me by now... doubt started creeping in and I thought, "OK, tonight's the night and I'm SCARED about TOMORROW, not about what's about to happen. What if I'm not good enough? What if he says, "That was great, thanks" and shoves me out the door? BUT WHAT IF the band hates me because I F*** their bass player to death? Hee Hee! I can tell them he finally found peace and died with a smile on his face! LOL!

The old Angel was back "What am I doing? What if I get pregnant? What if I catch AIDS?" I find myself sitting with Nikki on a bench and he was wiped out... exhausted. I have a million arguments with myself in my head and Nikki laid down and put his head in my lap. He was beat and closed his eyes. He was lying on his back with his face up and his knees bent with his hands on his forehead. I looked down and thought "this is a good start" and soon changed to "OK, why am I breathing heavy?" Nikki turned and faced away from me and I felt his breath glide down my calves. I sat up straighter and let out a sigh.

Then Nikki turned and faced me and his breath was going UP my skirt. I was about to come unglued! He wrapped his arms around my waist and squeezed me and looked as if he were about to go to sleep. I, on the other hand, was WIDE AWAKE! I was more turned on than I had ever known possible and gasped as I had my first orgasm of my life. Nikki said, "Are you OK Angel?" I was like, "Uh huh" in a whisper. I was REALLY thinking, "HOLY SHIT! Did I just have a seizure? LOL! Are my eyes still rolled back in my head?"

Nikki was oblivious to what just happened, or was he? I was weak in the knees and could barely stand up and thought ,"I'll just DIE when we DO have sex!" I got scared and thought, "I don't know if I can handle it. I'll be screaming in pleasure loud enough to be heard three states over! I'll surely embarrass myself! I CAN'T do it tonight! I'll have to ease into this or I'll hurt Nikki! He'll be walking with a permanent limp!" and I decided that I needed to go again, before my coach turned back into the pumpkin!

Someone remarked as Nikki and I walked by, "It's Devil and Angel!" and Nikki smiled. Nikki asked to see me again and again and again. He was like heroin to me. I just COULDN'T STAY AWAY! I lived a school girl day with pep-rallies and science fairs and a vamp night of  "Gotta get my fix. I have to be with Nikki!" 

The next few weeks... I understood the circus of a tour. I lived in a blur of hotels and venues, coliseums and arenas, that all started looking the same. Hotels that started looking just like the last. It was a world on wheels, a world in motion and I DIDN'T want to get off! I learned the ins and outs of a tour, I learned that there were 'different' kinds of backstage passes and some were 'innocent' passes and some were passes that people 'earned' through their hard labors and bruised kneecaps. These passes were referred to as "V.I.P. passes" as in "Vicious Incoming Pussy" passes!

I learned Nikki's life. A cycle of being in the circus, center ring... center of attention and then wanting to retreat to his cave to really get "down and dirty" with his drug habits etc. He bounced between the two worlds like a pinball some days and like a walking zombie others. I became scared for him thinking he would age before his time... or worse, die an early death like so many before him who lived the same "Circus and Cave" life. 

My mind told me to walk away and not get involved, but my heart wouldn't let me. I wanted to stop the world on wheels for Nikki, just for a moment so he could take a deep breath of fresh air but there was always somewhere else to be, someone else to see, another dealer bringing in the Baskin & Robbins flavors of the week. Through it all I wondered exactly what my place in this circus was. "WHY does Nikki want to see ME? Is it just the thrill of the chase? The fact that it's been a LONG time since Nikki saw a virgin and he just wanted to deflower me? Was I a therapist to him? Someone to talk to and listen to his problems? A little sister figure? Someone to kill the time with? Just the new girl this month soon to be followed by a trail of many more?" I didn't know WHAT I was to Nikki. All I knew is that I had to be with him and try to figure things out. I tried to listen to my Great Granny who told me to stop analyzing it and LIVE IT but it was easier said than done. 

Now, I have to end on a funny note. Everyone knows that Mötley were famous for playing tricks on each other, trying to gross each other out etc. Well, I witnessed a few of these pranks or gross out challenges myself. I can't remember WHICH person did what so if you want to clear things up Nikki, Mick, Vince, Tommy then go ahead. BUT... the idea was who could be the 'grossest' and so... ONE guy shit off of a balcony at the hotel and everyone was like, "DUDE... I can top that!!!" Another guy shit in a garbage can for the maid to find when she cleaned the room and yes, lo and behold, someone said, "I can top THAT!!!" and FINALLY, someone shit in one of those bags that you put your laundry in for dry-cleaning and left it for the maid! 

Everyone was like, "DUDE....you're the king! YOU WIN!!!" Pretty disgusting... yes, pretty Mötley? ABSOLUTELY! So, to recap, I had MY first Orgasm with Nikki Sixx but he didn't share in the experience! LOL! Shall I clue him in next time? I think I will!

Next month, Chapter 5 - Salivating Like Pavlov's Dog!
See you then, 

Previous: Chapter 3