Joyeux Noel: Peas on Earth.

by Bernice

This is just another of Luthor’s attempts to get closer to Clark, Pete thought to himself as he gave the fancy restaurant the hairy eyeball. Sure, the girls were falling for it, particularly Lana who was entranced by the fine linens and tuxedoed waiters. Even Whitney was looking impressed and maybe a little intimidated by how classy the joint was, though Pete knew he’d used the wrong fork at every course.

Pete, on the other hand, wasn’t impressed. You didn’t grow up the son of a judge and not spend time in pompous, self-important company and over-the-top, over priced eating establishments. They’d never impressed Pete, though, and now he just thought it was pathetic. This was Luthor’s idea of Christmas? A fancy dinner in a restaurant? He had no idea at all.

Luthor was just trying, once again, to impress Clark and wheedle his way into Clark’s company by imposing himself on Clark’s friends. But Pete wasn’t going to give in – he refused to be impressed by all the money and cars. He knew what a bastard any Luthor could be, and he’d never trust that bald freak.

Pete had overheard one of Clark’s defences of Luthor, a few months ago, when the phrase ‘best friend’ had been bandied about. It had felt like a punch in the solar plexus.

Pete was Clark’s best friend, and he should know it! They’d grown up together, gone to school together, mooned over girls together, and Pete had been there from the beginning, when Clark had first turned up at school in short pants, speaking almost no English, and eating playground dirt. Pete had shown Clark where the best dirt was to be found!

Pete grinned when the main meal was served. Thin slivers of turkey, far too tiny to be a good Christmas spread - there would be no second or third helpings so Clark would be hungry afterwards - with a range of crisp vegetables… and a pile of tiny, new baby pees.

Clark was staring at his plate in horror; glaring at the pile of hideous green was the dreaded ‘peas of death’. Pete and Clark had long ago bonded over their mutual hatred of evil peas.

Pete smirked, a smirk that would have been worthy of a Luthor. Now they’d see who was Clark’s best friend. The one who made him eat peas in a fancy restaurant, or the one who agreed they were vile! Clark wouldn’t even eat anything that was on his plate near a pea!

Luthor reached over and took Clark’s plate, wordlessly scraping the peas onto his own and replacing Clark’s peas with Luthor’s mashed potato, before handing it back. He ignored the raised eyebrows of the overly attentive wait staff and nodded to acknowledge Clark's blinding smile.

Pete knew he’d lost.


Story note: If you didn't know, there's an episode which mentions twice how much Clark hates peas.

Personal note: I love peas, and their tiny green poppy goodness, but one of my nephews, Bill, hated them with a passion. His father would slap his face if Bill refused to eat peas, then Bill would cry (he was only little), then I would cry (I'm only a year older than Bill), then the other kids would start to cry – it would be such a horrible meal, and my sister ALWAYS made peas. So as soon as dinner was served I would immediately steal Bill's peas and give him my horrid mashed potato. Peace would rule.