Snippets, Drabbles, Cartoons
These things all
came out of my Live Journal, not enough here to make a full story out of them. Also
some of my awful cartoons. Prepare to groan. For other groaners, see my Live
Journal, as many more terrible cartoons lurk therein.
Drabble Night Challenge: Snape/Remus
it's not easy being green. 100 words
'Help!' Remus tried to scream, but just said "Ribbit."
He gazed up from where he'd laboriously hauled himself to Snape's workbench.
"What are you doing here?" Snape said, poking at Lupin with his finger.
'Someone turned me into a frog! Help! You're the only one who'd recognise me with Albus
away! You'll see through this and help me?' Lupin tried, but only said "Ribbit".
"I've wanted another familiar ever since James Potter poisoned my rabbit," Snape
picked up Lupin and slid him into his pocket.
you must recognise me', ribbited Lupin in despair.
"I think I'll call you
La Canard illustrated this little drabble beautifully. Click here...
His Father Had Said
From a line in a drabble by sylvadin here
"Friends are for the weak," his father had said as he'd explained why Snape had
to sit at the table and be silent as the other children played noisily in the next room.
"Vermin" his father had said of a litter of kittens, and gripped his hands to
forced him to drown them.
"Muggles are also vermin," his father had said as he'd cursed the muggle boy
Snape had found near their house and spent a day chasing and laughing and being chased,
"and muggles will drag you down with them until you're nothing but vermin
"You're weak! If you were strong they wouldn't call you Snivellus," his father
had said, as he knocked Snape down again. Learning to fight, with wands or fists, usually
ended up with blood and darkness.
"You know what this is for!" his father had said as he used the whip and used it
liberally, but Snape thought it was only for his father's fun.
"You'll thank me for this, one day," his father had said, as he'd used crucio
one drunken night to improve Snape's skills with transfigurations.
"I'll make you strong or I'll kill you," his father had said, and Snape believed
"But father, that would be a weakness," Snape had said with a smile as his
father begged him for the potion that would save his life.
True Love 's Kiss - written for
the Snape100 'Fairy Tale'
Its a terrible
curse, mused Dumbledore. Its a terribly old curse, too. Professor Snape
wont awake until he receives true loves kiss.
Youre kidding? said Harry, backing away in case Dumbledore tried
matchmaking. That kind of thing really exists? I thought that was just a fairy
Nope, said Sirius, and sniggered, Snapes really screwed now! Who
on earth would ever love him?
Lupin merely approached the bed, and leaned over the prone form, gently caressing
Snapes lips with his own.
Then sleeping Snape woke up, hexed Lupin with the pox, and filed a sexual harassment suit
with the Ministry.
Challenge: #44 on Snape100, Snape has an unusual hobby.
Snape took Lupin in his arms, kissing him passionately, running his hand down Lupins
back and clasping his round, firm buttocks. Lupin laughed, clasping his hands, and rocked
back and forth happily as the kiss ended, obviously passionately in love.
Sirius, walled up in the castle behind them, screamed as he starved to death, and Snape
laughed to himself, knowing that hed stolen Blacks lover, as well as his
Then suddenly Snape's cauldron caught fire and the whole castle burnt down while he was
running around waving his arms and screaming incoherently.
He angrily quit Sims without saving.
Drabble: Keeping up with the big boys
Character: Peter Pettigrew
The other boys had laughed at his failure and called him 'baby', but just like every other
time they'd openly mocked him, hed catch them up and show them he was just as
cool as they were.
He watched the muggle someone unknown, uninteresting, and unimportant, someone who
wouldn't matter one whit to anyone of breeding walk closer past his alleyway hiding
place. He felt like he was on the verge of a whole new life and trembled with excitement
as he stepped out and slid his dagger into her back.
Next time, Peter Pettigrew would see the thestrals, too.
Snape offered a cake to Sirius. He
clutched a lemon tart and a cherry tart, one in each hand, without plates, and stood over
Sirius offering them aggressively. "Choose!"
Sirius looked at him nervously, then his eyes flickered to Lupin who shrugged in
confusion, and Dumbledore who ignored him. "I'm not... I'm not sure, Severus..."
"It's just a damned cake, Black, choose. Lemon or cherry. Take a bloody cake!"
Snape said, looking furious.
Black took the Lemon tart, "Thank you... Severus, I think." He peered at it,
wondering if it was poisoned, although it certainly smelled fresh and delicious.
Snape thrust the cherry tart into Lupin's hands with enough force to cause it to crumble,
sending crumbs and cherries down Lupin's robes, before he stalked out of the room and back
into the kitchen.
Dumbledore took a bite of his eclair and looked over at his confused guests. "He's a
very good cook, our Severus. He's just somewhat aggressively generous. Just enjoy the
cake, and don't worry too much about their... presentation." He chewed for a while,
then said, "Oh, and if you compliment his cooking, he will probably insult you, maybe
even throw a spoon at you." He winked at them and said, "Do it anyway."
Playing to his strengths
Characters: Snape & Neville
Drabble: 100 words
Snape stalked through the remains of the castle, kicking body bits out of his way. This
had been his brilliant idea. Tell Longbottom of a potion that will destroy their enemy,
then leave the boy to do what he does best.
He smirked at the extensive damage. Longbottom had taken out not only the Dark Lord and
his Death Eaters, but everyone who had ever personally bothered Snape. Still, he felt it
necessary to regain semblance of normalcy and scolded the stunned and scorched young man:
"Duck is what you yell before you throw the potion, Longbottom, NOT an
My answer to the
"I don't want to die a virgin" challenge.
"Professor Snape... Despite our history of loathing, please, will you make love with
me? We are going to die at dawn, and I don't want to die a virgin."
"What... I mean, I beg your pardon?"
"I said, I do. Virgins get into heaven automatically. It's my only chance not to burn
and I'm going to take it. So you can just keep it in your pants."
Title: A Perfect
A perfect moment in an imperfect life. A time when Snape was content. A time when Snape
was right. A time when Snape was powerful. A time when Snape was respected. A time when
his enemy was hated by everyone he knew.
Now his enemy walks free - loved by those who matter. But Snape still has this perfect
moment. He has his enemy trapped forever, screaming in a soul pain worse than crucio. A
torture that continues for as long as Snape desires.
He takes the photograph of Sirius being tormented by the dementors and licks his enemy's
The young men performed enthusiastically for his delectation. Any sexual act he desired,
they'd do. He had only to snap his fingers and Harry Potter would masturbate, shameless,
cheeks pink, eyes glittering as he thoroughly pleasured himself.
A flick of Snape's wrist and young Weasley took a wriggling dildo, carved from mandrake,
and buggered himself even more senseless than usual. When Snape desired, they kissed and
stroked each other, fucking until he came just from watching them. They were perfect pets.
Of course, when they had taken these photos, Weasley and Potter hadn't thought they'd fall
into the wrong hands.
Title: If I Had It
To Do Over
So much trouble to get
a time turner, even for a 'trusted' teacher. So much effort and crawling and obsequience
and pained complaints that it's simply impossible to do everything that's expected; spy,
teach, hurt, scheme, lie, create, destroy.
So much inovation to
find a way to spin it just so, to give years instead of hours, to go flying back through
time, to be a boy again, a young man.
So much satisfaction
to yank his young self out of the path of the werewolf and hit young James with 'Stupify'
Death Eaters Got Their Name"
The Death Eaters chanted all around them, their voices a throbbing wall of sound as they
urged him to complete the initiation ceremony.
"But this is why we are called Death Eaters, Severus," Voldemort's voice was
menacingly soft, yet amused at Snape's horror. "Why do you think we congregate in
graveyards so frequently?"
Snape stared at the muggle corpse, laid out like a feast before him, the stench
overwhelming with flies buzzing around in a drunken dance, their swarming pulsing in time
to the chanting.
The Death Eaters pushed closer, their voices louder in their excitement.
"Mung! Mung! Mung! Mung!"
definition of 'Mung' go here)
Title: Like Minds
You seduced me with
such care, such passion. And I trusted you.
Until they found us.
With my young lover's
arms around my neck, there was no possibility of denial. Out of a job, out of my home, out
of all polite society.
You hate me so much
you would use your body to destroy me? And I was foolish enough to believe your words of
love. Now there is only hate in your eyes. And triumph.
How could you resent
someone so much, for childhood taunts, that you would want to destroy them so utterly?
Title: Between a
Rock and a Hard Place
Challenge: Snape's Happiest Memory
The problem with a
Patronus that's so clearly Sirius Black falling through the veil into death, is that he
can never really show it off. He was so pleased when he finally, after all these miserable
years, had such a happy memory he could send a silvery, if stupid, Patronus stumbling
after the Dementors, but he know's no one who would not be horrified if he boasted.
And now, with
Dementors all around them, he realises he's in trouble. He can cast, and face scorn, or
not cast, and die.
In the end, he throws
a rock and runs away.
This graphic about
wizarding prostitutes (inspired by many 'Failed to become a wizard, so therefore became a
prostitute' stories) is from the Thank You
Fest, we did for Luthien and Tboy as thanks for their efforts on the Severus Snape Fuh-Q Fest.
Title: Lies in
Challenge: Snape's best memory
Snapes Patronus is Dumbledore, a silvered image that strides forward, grim faced, to
hunt down the enemy. Snapes happy memory was one of the things that ensured his
acceptance back into the light, into the fold at Hogwarts and safety.
Dumbledore himself is flattered and smug when Snape is forced to send his Patronus to face
down the Dementors that threaten them.
What none of them know
is that the Patronus silently speaks, its silvery mouth silent as it speaks the words that
form Snapes happiest memory, when, ashen-faced, broken, Dumbledore had said:
James Potter has
cartoon inspired a story, by Bridget, which you can read here
Title: Best Served
Character: Snape/Black and Voldemort
Inspired by a story by Snapetoy, in which Snape rapes Black in order to
save his life.
Severus, a gift to my favourite. Do as you wish."
There were ways to
save Black from death. Snape thinks frantically about his options as the Dark Lord gloated
about his gift.
Snape could use a
bonding spell to humiliate Black. He could rape his old tormentor, torture him, crutio and
say he was returning the man's shattered husk to Dumbledore to make a point.
Black met his gaze,
understanding Snape's thoughts, looking smug and confident. Snape remembered that look,
from times he worked over every petty humiliation in his memory like tonguing a sore
watching Iron Chef on telly - egg plant, gross - and thought, hmm... there's fic in that.
Then I thought, no, there isn't fic in that. But hey, American style haiku add class when
content is missing!
Potion Master Snape
Challenged by Potter
Iron Potion Master Snape
must keep his title
They must do their best
With challenge ingredient
Bits of giant squid
First they must get squid
Defeating the squid's friend
Grounds keeper Hagrid
With their young apprentices
They wrestle to death
The potion masters
With a great deal of fanfare
glare over cauldrons
They chop and boil and
Cut and grind, finding time to
Smirk at each other
Time limit one hour
Modulated fire and sweat
watches Snape sweat
And wishes he could lick it off
Snape does not look up
Twenty years experience
His nerves like iron
does his best
But Snape is flawless
His 'defeat Dark Lord special'
Stoppered death potion
The end of an hour
Harry's feet are still showing
Gives away his goose
Snape smirks, the winner
Graceful in his victory
Gooses Harry back
Snape wins a blowjob
Severus supreme master
Learns Harry's true skill
Who's Afraid of the
Big Bad Wolf?
Notes: Written for the HP Squick Drabble community.
I forget the challenge, something about Marauders Bestiality.
Imperio! Take the spy
down! Knott cursed, Thatll fuck him. Then he walked away from the
chained and naked captives as Lupins change started.
Snape and Lupin stared at each
other, Snapes face white with terror, old fear, lycanthrophobia. Lupins
expression blank and peaceful despite its monstrous transformation.
Snape closed his eyes feeling
Lupins hot breath in his face, hot saliva dripping onto his neck.
As furry forearms clamped around
his middle, a hairy belly heavy on his back, he lost bladder control. When he felt a hot
moist probe insistent at his behind, he cried, realising Lupin had misunderstood.
Title: If Bill
Gates made Cauldrons
gleefully at his new cauldron. A new, fancy, expensive model with transparent windows in
the side that would allow him to view all levels of the potion, and divisions which would
allow him to create several potions independently. It had cost a fortune, but everyone
used these, and he wouldn't be compatible with the new ingredient measuring systems unless
he used one too.
He'd just got three
potions in motion, when all mixing and stirring abruptly stopped, and his potions all went
a bright glaring blue.
said Snape, "A fatal error has occurred!"
And he died.
This was written
for a friend who wanted for gang rape and hermaphroditism, but I'm removing the rape part,
because I'm a wuss. I also wrote this for Fandom_Scruples
'So this is how to make friends!' thought Snape to himself, watching Pettigrew out the
corner of his eye, as the plump boy alternated his lookout duties with an odd jigging
dance, obviously wanting to get to where the action was.
Snape chortled, returning his attention to Lupin's cock, sucking with enthusiasm as Lupin
reacted to the chortle, fucking Snape's face so hard that Snape was forced back onto the
fat, enthusiastic cocks that pounded him from behind; Potter, underneath him, buried deep
into the tiny, distended cunt that nestled behind Snape's balls, and Black into Snape's
well lubricated arsehole.
A challenge I
received: Write a Snape/Hagrid drabble as if Dumbledore was > writing it.
Hagrid, the lovely and
utterly dependable half-giant, gave Severus Snape a lovely pair of socks.
"Oh, they are
lovely!" Said Snape, and gave him a big hug, because deep inside, Snape is a
sweetheart, I know, I leglimanced him, and who doesn't like socks?
"I love you,
Severus," said Hagrid and they had another big, warm hug.
Hagrid cried happily,
and Snape said he would never be mean to anyone again, as all he'd ever wanted was for
someone to love him and give him socks.
Then they had
lovely lemon sherbets.
And everyone lived
happily ever after!
The Harry Potter Edible
A poem sparked by comments about Peking Duck flavoured Edible
Ron is cheap in
Snape's resplendent in Eye of Dog
Hagrid's happy in Treacle Toffee
Flitwick's sexy in tea (not coffee)
Hermione is starting to put on pudge
Since Harry had taken to wearing Fudge.
Dumbledore twinkles in Lemon Drop
(he didn't get those from a shop)
Hooch is secretly wearing Whisky
She's hoping that sprout is feeling frisky
Unfortunately her evening will be quiet -
The Herbology Teacher is on a diet.
These haiku and limmericks were done for
Cybele_San. We were asked to do Snape/Harry, but that's not my strong point.
This is the best my reach would do.
the smell lingers long after
Harry leaves my bed
Fucking a young boy is so
I would rather be
sleeping with the grounds keeper
he's hung like a horse
I don't mind Harry
It's having to sleep with his
uncle I don't like
Inner thighs - broomstick riding
Lustful goings on
The hallowed halls of Hogwarts
Portraits blush in shame
Pregnant and alone
the price of ignorance and
a faulty mpreg spell
a wizard name Snape
Snuck young boys under his cape
When he did shout
the Headmaster found out
He got done for statutory rape
Animagus Snape - the squid
Fucked Harry and Filch - the squib
In fact - anybody!
if they had the lolly
He'd even do Fudge for a quid
Fairy Jim (Sentinel)
I always wanted to
write Jim (Ellison, from The Sentinel) as a fairy. Just to spoof the whole concept.
"The next person
who calls me a fairy is going to get punched!"
you've got wings..."
make me a fairy, chief!"
does it make you?"
"I'm... a person
living with extra aviatable abilities."
"That makes it
sound like a disease."
"Yeah, well, it's
better than all the guys laughing at me because they think I'm a fairy."
"Jim, you are a
fairy! Face it. You've learned to deal with being a Sentinel, now you can learn to deal
with being a fairy. Oh, I can see a great thesis in this... How elvish blood affects the
genomes encouraging extra sensory abilities..."
"At least spell
it right. Faery, okay? F. A. E. R. Y. With an 'E'."
"You got it. I
take it you're not sidhe?"
"She? No! I'm a
guy! I might twinkle, but I'm still a guy. I'm never going to live this down."
"You know, Jim, I
always thought I was maybe a little bit elvish. Maybe a few generations back, on my
short, dumpy, hairy, and you've got a face like a girl. If you're anything, you're a
"Go on, take your
shoes off. Let's see those feet."
really hate you."
"Here, have some
"Oooooooooo I can
So there's this rather good story
where Snape ends up in women's clothes. I won't name it, in case the author thinks I'm
poking fun. Which I'm not. I enjoyed the first story in the series very much.
But, it got me thinking about dressing up in women's clothes (something I do myself, quite
frequently, fact). What if he did? What if, say, for argument's sake, Snape made a bet
with Black and lost and his forfeit was to dress up in women's clothes? Now, of course, we
know realistically that wouldn't happen. Snape would tell Black to cram something with
multiple sharp edges up his rectum and turn it 43 degrees sideways before agreeing to any
kind of bet with him, but, this is just for the sake of argument. And, while we're
arguing, I'd like to also say that you're wrong! Just because. So, he's lost his bet,
(what was the bet? You tell me. Why do I have to do tall the work? Don't make me come over
there!), perhaps it goes a bit like this:
"Hey, Snape, did you forget?
Today you're supposed to wear women's clothes all day," Black pointed out. His
disappointment at not being able to mock Snape yet was palpable.
"I am," Snape said,
cooly, raising one eyebrow and moving to sit down in the staff room.
"You're in pants and a t
shirt! I'll give that you're in muggle clothes, but you're not in women's clothes!"
"I am!. T shirts are
perfectly common, and if I wear sensible shoes, that doesn't mean I'm a lesbian."
"Pants, Snape, you should be
wearing a skirt!"
"These are jeans. As far as
I can tell, nearly all muggle women wear jeans at some point. I have made the concession
of pulling them up high, though."
"Oh, that does not count.
And you're not wearing make up!"
Snape leaned over to ask the deputy head, "Have you ever worn make up?"
"I should think not!"
McGonigall huffed, mouth thinning, "I'm not some cheap trollop getting around with
"Exactly. Black, you did not
specify I had to dress as a 'cheap trollop', just that I had to dress as a muggle woman,
no wizarding robes."
Black muttered under his breath,
"I bet you're not wearing sexy undies, either."
"No, but I am wearing quite
comfortable grannie knickers. They may not look like much, and they are huge, but they
don't ride up or give me lace burn."
"Well, where's your
bra?" Black was outraged.
"Madame Hooch, do you wear a
"I don't need to," she
said, casually, running a hand down her lean, sportswoman figure.
"Again, exactly. And neither
do I. Why should I go around with ridiculous padded undergarments, when very few women of
my age bother?"
"You're not a woman."
"No, but I am dressed as