Hain't It Funny

by Bernice

Notes: Response to Third Wave Scenario Number 19: First Date Blues, Pairing Snape/Hagrid.   This fic could be another story to follow after Care of Magical Creatures, although it's not a sequel, and it stands alone.   "Haint it Funny" is a song by Jane Sibery.  Thank you to Calemiri and Tillytilly for beta reading.

Hagrid woke up as the bed moved, and he felt Snape slide out quietly. There was a moment of rustling, which, Hagrid realised, was Snape getting dressed, then the click of the door as Snape slipped out into the night.

It was their first night together, after all of Hagrid's careful planning and seduction. Nothing had been said, of course, but Hagrid had thought things had gone well. He thought he'd done a good job. He'd certainly done his best. He'd not said anything stupid to upset the prickly wizard. Snape's volatile personality was one of the things Hagrid loved about him, it made him interesting, but it also made him a challenge. Hagrid had chosen every word with care, but now he guessed he must have said something wrong after all.

Hagrid could only think he must have said something awful, or something embarrassing. Probably embarrassing. If it had been an awful thing, Snape would have yelled at him, not just snuck away. Maybe Hagrid had embarrassed Snape horribly, and now he was slinking away so he wouldn't have to face whatever horrible thing Hagrid had said. Hagrid stared up at his thatched ceiling, blinking back the tears that had started.

Or had Hagrid done something dreadful? Had he hurt the little wizard? He couldn't think of any time when Snape had expressed pain. Hagrid hadn't squashed Snape, had he? Well, he had, he knew he had, but at the time, Snape had asked for it. They'd been laughing, naked, both of them flushed and daft, and Hagrid had wanted to cry for joy at seeing his little friend happy and silly and pink with arousal. And Snape had asked to be squashed, just a little. Said he liked it. Said he wanted it, and had wiggled and squirmed under Hagrid like an excited cat when Hagrid had complied.

Snape hadn't said 'ouch', or 'get off' or given Hagrid any sign he'd done anything wrong, so why had he left? Why had he snuck out of the cabin without saying goodbye, without even a word?

Had it been disappointing? Had Hagrid not done what Snape liked? Had he done things Snape hated? Was it boring? Hagrid had not had a lot of experience, but then he didn't think Snape had either, so he wondered what he'd overlooked? He didn't think he'd overlooked much. He'd spent a long time looking, in fact. A long time kissing and a long time licking as well. Snape had certainly seemed to enjoy that, he'd sighed and closed his eyes and groaned and arched quite happily into Hagrid's tongue, or so Hagrid had thought at the time.

Was it simply that he didn't like Hagrid, now that he'd seen him naked? Was it simply that he found Hagrid too hairy, or too big, too coarse or too common? Perhaps Snape hadn't wanted to say anything at the time, but now he was so revolted he had to leave? That wasn't like Snape. One of the things Hagrid liked about him was that he always knew where he stood with the other professor. Snape always let people know exactly what he thought of them.

Tears were flowing a little faster now, following the crow's feet at Hagrid's eyes, trickling into his beard. He used big fingers to clean them out of his ears, and sniffled loudly.

Maybe it had just been an experiment for Snape. Maybe he was just curious to see what Hagrid looked like naked. He wouldn't be the only one who'd wanted to see what Hagrid looked like without his clothes on. Or wanted to see just how big a half-giant could be. He'd heard all the size jokes, and had laughed along with them, all the while hiding how much it hurt, and how much he grieved that his size would make it impossible for him to have a relationship with one of the little humans. Until Severus came along, of course. So clever and quick-witted, so brilliant with his potions that he could solve any problem. Even a fourteen-inch problem became completely surmountable in his capable hands. His tiny, delicate, sensitive, nimble, delightful, pleasure giving hands. Perhaps now that Snape had seen what Hagrid looked like, he was no longer curious. Perhaps now that Snape had tried it, he didn't feel the need to try again.

Hagrid was prepared to love Snape forever, and had already given his heart to the angry, sweet, fiercely principled little man. It appeared, though, that Snape had been barely able to give Hagrid more than a few hours.

Hagrid fished for his hanky, and blew his nose loudly, and wondered how he could face Snape at school the next day. If they passed in the corridors at school, Hagrid just knew he'd burst into tears, and that would probably embarrass Snape. The last thing Hagrid wanted was to cause him embarrassment. Snape never dealt with that well - it would hurt him, make him angry, and Hagrid would hate to do that to him. Maybe that was it, maybe Snape couldn't handle how emotional Hagrid could be? But Snape was emotional, very, it was one of the things Hagrid loved about him. All that fire and fury and passion. Hagrid couldn't resist, it was like a flame, and he'd keep sticking his hand into that flame even though he got burnt. But then Hagrid's emotional displays were big embarrassing hugs and weeping outbursts - perhaps Snape just couldn't stand the thought of being a target of that.

Hagrid's tears developed into sobs, and he could feel the whole bed shaking with the force of his heart breaking. He tried to tell himself that at least he'd had a few hours of joy, but after fifty years of celibacy, these tiny memories were a torment, not a comfort. Now that he knew what he was missing - the laughter, the soft skin, the sweetness - the rest of his life loomed long and empty before him.

The door creaked, and he held his breath. A glimmer of moonlight came through as it cracked open, and a sleek black shape slipped into the room.

He blew his nose briskly, and quickly wiped away his tears with the back of his hand, biting down on any more sobs.

Snape tiptoed to the bed, and shucked off his robes, slipping in to the warmth beside Hagrid. He was freezing, his entire body like ice as he pressed close, grabbing one of Hagrid's arms and wrapping it around himself demandingly. Feet like blocks of ice were jammed between Hagrid's thighs.

"I thought yeh'd left."

"Just to use your... tree. Dreadful arrangement. You will have to have a proper bathroom installed immediately."

Hagrid grinned broadly, made a mental note to have an enormous bathroom, with heated floors, clean and fluffy towels, and every luxury known to wizard installed at the earliest opportunity.

Then he rolled over to give Snape a good squashing.