I'm Dreaming of a Mer Christmas

by Jane Symons

A Spin off from A Fish Called Krycek by Bernice

Krycek hauled himself across the kitchen floor to see what Mulder was doing.

"These are mince pies, see?" Mulder waved the plate at his friend. "And I’m going to heat these up to have with a cup of coffee. It’s just the kind of thing people do on Christmas Day."

Krycek rattled inquisitively.

"You wanna try one? Well, okay, but I don’t really think it’ll be your thing."

He handed Krycek a mince pie, which was accepted solemnly and licked once or twice before being shoved whole into Krycek’s mouth. The pie soon came out again, bits of it showering over the kitchen floor. The sound that Krycek made seemed awfully like "Yuck!" but it could just have been Mulder’s overactive imagination.

"I said it may not be your thing. Look, you have lots of fishy Christmas snacks over there. I am not chewing lobsters with you on Christmas Day. I am having a proper Christmas lunch – the works – you understand."

Krycek regarded him vacantly.

"Well, no, of course you don’t understand. Let’s see, it’s customary on Christmas Day to start off with a plate full of roast merman which has been stuffed beforehand and an apple shoved in its mouth."

Large sea-green eyes were giving him a level stare.

"So that wasn’t particularly funny. How about roast turkey, then, which has been stuffed with different flavoured breadcrumbs and sausage."

Krycek was still staring.

"You don’t believe me, do you. And that’s followed by a pudding which is full of dried fruit and tastes a little like the pie you just spat out all over the kitchen."

Krycek huffed.

"It does seem like a good idea on the day, but now I’ve explained it all to you, I wonder why we bother." He switched on the percolator which spat into action making Krycek jump a little and dig his claws into the floor. "Sorry, sweetheart. Look, I thought we could have a little party tonight with your merpeople, invite them over for… well, invite them over anyway. I can’t have any of my friends over because they mustn’t know you’re here. See I have paper hats and –"

The hat was snatched from his grasp and immediately eaten. Krycek recognised paper and liked the flavour.

 "The general idea is that you put them on your head but, baby, you have your own style."

The day before, Mulder had tried putting up a Christmas tree which Krycek had been intensely attracted to because of its tickly spines. He’d pushed it over, rubbed himself all over it deliriously and fallen asleep on it. It was turning out to be Mulder’s weirdest and happiest Christmas.

"Let me show you your Christmas present." Mulder heaved Krycek into the office chair which was the merman’s favourite mode of transport on dry land. He pulled his friend across the kitchen, through the living room, and into the study at the other end of the house. Half the room was now taken up with a sunken pool. In the bottom of it were coloured stones and the kind of playthings that Mulder knew his friend loved.

Krycek gave what sounded like a chirrup of delight and launched himself into the water, thoroughly drenching Mulder and the remainder of the room. Krycek twisted and turned, ducked and lifted through the water, immediately and happily at home. Shimmering scales of turquoise, blue and green blended magically with the dark blue pool sides. Mulder watched entranced until Krycek made a grab for his ankle and pulled him into the pool with him. Mulder received an enthusiastic and soaking wet kiss, an affectionate tail curling round his legs.

"Happy Christmas to you too, Krycek."

Return to stories