I recommend you listen to this song before reading this filk, as the filk just doesn't seem to scan or rhyme unless you hear the rhythm of the original.  You could download the song from Imesh or Audiogalaxy, but the whole CD is fabbo and really worth buying!

The Curse of Washington

I live in a town called Washington
And it's big and it's mean and it's cold
But if you a come around just as the sun goes down
You can watch the whole thing turn to gold
It's around then that I used to go a-roaming
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children they all gotta die

My name is Krycek but I prefer Alex
I'm closing in on my 35th year
And if you think you have seen a pair of eyes more green
Then you sure didn't see them around here
My hair is brown and I'm always a-smoothing
Singing La la la The FBI
Mama often told me we all have to die

You must have heard about the Curse of Washington
How Fox Mulder's daddy was his guts gonna spill
He found him that night on the floor, what a sight
His head shot in and surrounded by pills
Well, just imagine the wailing and moaning
Singing La la la The FBI
Even Fox Mulder's dad, he had to die

Then Doctor Scully to big blue in a hurry
Lost her dog, her Bruckman-given puppy
That night the young doc sat on a rock
And Mulder had to watch as she mourned unhappy
Her shattered expression had all the tears a-flowing
Singing La la la The FBI
Even God's little creatures, they have to die

Our Mulder he fell into a state of shock
A lot of the time saying things that made little sense
The body of the Tram driver Joe
Was found in a locker in his Skyland residence
Foul play can really get an agent going
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children they all have to die

Then, by my cohorts short and thinner, old Mr Skinner
Was beaten but to die was not his fate
The last thing he said, bruises on his head
Was, 'My attacker was Krycek and he took the DAT tape'
Angry Mulder bashed me in Hong Kong, giving me a good phoning
Singing La la la The FBI
The young ones, the old ones, they all gotta die

Yes, is I, Alex. The curse of Washington
I've struck horror in the heart of this town
Like my eyes ain't green, and my hair ain't brown
It's more like the other way around.
I got a pretty little mouth, underneath all the foaming
Singing La la la The FBI
Sooner or later we all gotta die

Since I was no bigger than a weasel they've been saying I was evil
That if 'bad' was a boot then I'd fit it
That I'm a wicked young ratty, but I've been trying hard lately
O fuck it! I'm a monster! I admit it!
Well, it makes me so mad that my blood really starts a-going
Singing La la la The FBI
Mama always told me that we all gotta die

Yeah, I shot the Mulder dad, thumped Mr Skinner, I admit
Did the Sklyand driver in his ops room in with a punch to the head
But I never killed the dog, that was a Lochness monster super frog
Called Big Blue who ate the little dog Queequeg
I'll sing to the lot, now you got me going
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children have all gotta die

There were all of the others, all your sisters and lovers
You assumed were accidents, aiming for someone bigger
You recall the sister who was shot through the head
Everyone assumed the assassin Louis pulled the trigger
Well, I told him it was Scully, his mistake was so funny
Singing La la la The FBI
Even innocent bystanders, they all gotta die

And the trip to Russian that saw Mulder as a Russian pose
That was the biggest shit fight he and I have ever known
Elderly patients mass murdered, black oil up his nose
All because of a sweet little rat, in a jaunty little hat
Mulder's mind started blowing when the black oil started flowing
Singing La la la The FBI
West Man, East Man, all got to die

Well I confessed to all these crimes and then they put me on trial
I was laughing when they took me away
Off to the asylum in an old black Mariah
It ain't home, but you know it's fucking better than jail
It ain't such a bad old place to have a home in
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children they all gotta die

Now I got shrinks that will not rest with their endless Rorschach tests
I keep telling them they're out to get me
They ask me if I feel remorse, and I answer, 'Why of course!
There's so much more I could have done if they'd let me!"
So it's Rorschach and Prozac and everything is groovy
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children all gotta die
Singing La la la The FBI
I'm happy as a lark and everything is fine
Singing La la la The FBI
Yeah, everything is groovy and everything is fine
Singing La la la The FBI
All God's children, they all gotta die