(an iHero tag)
Note: this does mention a song 'My
Boyfriend's Back by Alice Donut' and I've put the mp3 at the end. If the link is
dead, let me know and I'll reload.
Flash tried once again to push his way out of the plastic walls that had
him trapped. Once again, he was foiled, as the walls increased in density to block him.
Superman, tied to a chair in front of Flash's plastic cage, struggled against his
Kryptonite enriched bonds, frustrated and futile, succeeding only in bruising his hands
and exhausting himself.
Their captor laughed, a classic bad guys: Mwahahahaha and followed it
with a cliché: Youll never escape, you costumed clowns!
Flash was so annoyed by the stupidity of their predicament he nearly responded with Youll
never get away with this, Collector! but restrained himself just in time.
Superman, skin tinged a sickly green and never one to miss the opportunity for a good
superhero cliché himself, looked like he was about to say it instead, when the distant
sounds of rock music floated into the room. A little sprinkle of dust floated down from
the ceiling to decorate Supermans hair like free floating dandruff.
Aha, said The collector. How predictable. iHero! The
last one I need to collect my set of The Terrific Trio!
Dont let iHero hear you say that, he hates that name, said Flash.
Shut up, you fool, said the Collector, banging on Flashs plastic cage
like Flash was a fish in an aquarium. I knew he would come for you two, and I am
fully prepared to spring my fiendish trap!
Collector flicked a switch on the wall, and the rock music, which had been getting louder
and louder, went suddenly quiet. This will stop all electronically produced sounds
from coming into the building. iHero will be as powerless as you two buffoons! Soon you
will all be my prisoners!
My boyfriends back, said Superman, conversationally, winking at Flash.
Huh? said Flash and the Collector in unison.
My boyfriends back, said Superman again, this time in a sing-song voice,
and youre gonna be in trouble
Catching on, Flash rocked out on the hook, HEY LA, HEY LA! HIS BOYFRIENDS
The walls shook just a little.
Hes been gone for such a long time, Superman didnt have the best
voice to carry a tune, but now he was going all out on volume.
Again, Flash screamed at the top of his voice, HEY LA, HEY LA! HIS BOYFRIENDS
BACK! Who said that being a superhero wasnt meant to be fun?
Now hes back and things are gonna be fine! sang Supes again.
The collector almost drowned out Flashs hook when he screamed, What are you
two doing? Stop it! Youre ruining this for me! Then the cracks in the ceiling
and the walls were pretty noisy, too.
Shouting out the words, with only the barest attempt at the correct tune, Superman
continued, You're gonna be sorry you were ever born, and Flash again screeched
along with the HEY LA, HEY LA! HIS BOYFRIENDS BACK! part.
Then a hole appeared in the bunker ceiling, and down came iHero, imposing in black and
gracefully flying on a wave of power from his own voice:
Cause hes gonna make a pair of earrings from your severed tongue!
All three of them came in on the hook, Superman smiling widely as iHero flicked off the
electronic music dampener and blasted the room. Their bindings disintegrated, and it was
worth the ringing in Flash's ears to watch The Collector scream 'Aaaargh!' and go smashing
into a wall, hitting the ground and losing consciousness.
Flash grinned happily as iHero reached up to brush the white dust from Superman's hair
with a proprietary flick, and Superman gave him a grateful hug, mumbling the chorus by
Hey La, Hey La! Your boyfriends back!
(The Collector comes courtesy of The Simpsons. Of course.)
Free music - Alice Donut - My Boyfriend's
Back and he's Got the Black and Decker.