MISTAKEN MORTALITY.

icewing

Judas looked around him. He was in the entrance to a rather large hall, built in a style reminiscent of the average church, only more proper in its design. Judas had no idea how he got here, which probably meant that he wasn't actually there at all, and he was just dreaming it. There was a rather large chap at the end of the hall, dressed all in white and looking holy. Judas assumed that it was God. Being the owner of the dream, Judas decided that he didn't need to knock, and walked the 500 or so meters to the foot of the immense dais at the end of the hall. He sat down on a rather wall placed chair that he hadn't noticed before and waited for god to wake up. After about 5 minutes god finally sat up and looked around. When he noticed Judas he was startled.

'Sorry,' said god 'didn't notice you come in.'

'Oh that's quite all right'

'Yes, I was waiting for some sort of genuflection or praise like most people give me. I can feel that sort of thing you know. Are you Judas?'

'Yep, that's me.'

'And you know who I am?'

Judas nodded, 'I could make an educated guess. Why?'

'Oh… no reason, no reason. Um… Oh, here we are. Now you've been called here for a reason. Now it's my unfortunate responsibility to inform particular people of there imminent demise. So um… well to get to the point, I'm afraid that your going to die within 24 hours. Sorry.'

Judas was stunned. He was only twenty-three. He didn't like the idea of death in his twenties. It just wasn't meant to happen.

'Actually Judas, it is meant to happen, that's why it's going to. If it weren't meant to happen I'd just tell you to be ware of politicians. They're the only ones that can scam their way out of fate. They sort of make all these rubbishy promises before their born, and it isn't until they break one that we find out who they are.'

Judas looked at his watch. It was 7:43 am. 8:00 am - Judas was out of bed and dressed. He got out his list of "Things to do on in the end." and looked at it. He was glad now that he had been bored enough last week to write the list. 9:00 am - item number one was out of the way. Judas had driven around Sydney and cut all the telephone wires he could find.

10:00 am - Judas was arguing with a bank teller.

'Look,' he said, 'I am armed, so just please give me some money.'

'But like I said before, I don't believe you. I just don't reckon' that you've got a gun or anything. I'm not giving you any money until you show me that your armed, OK'

'Just trust me ok, I'm about as armed as I can get.'

'No, I don't think you are. If you were any type of crook with a gun or something, then you'd have probably hurt me by now.'

'So I'm a nice crook…

11:00 am - Having burnt all the money he finally got from the bank, Judas was back at home. He had picked up a catalogue from a sex shop on the way home, and was ordering things with addresses he picked out of the phone book.

12:00 pm - having bought an immense amount of cloth, Judas began to write his name. Not just any old name, but the biggest name ever written

1:00 pm - Judas was halfway through the 'U'.

2:00 pm - writing was getting tiring, so Judas decided to throw rocks onto highways for a while. Then he went back to finish the 'A'.

3:00 pm - having finished his name Judas set of for the last thing on his list. He hired a truck and set off with his name. On the Sydney Harbor Bridge, he stopped, and set up his name. For miles his hundred meter letters could be seen. Judas hopped in the truck and drove off wondering how much time he had to kill. or maybe die would be a better word. It wasn't long before the police began to chase the speeding truck.

4:00 pm - Judas drove the truck in such unpredictable and random directions that the police could not block it.

5:00 pm - Judas was finally caught when a tire on the truck blew out. He didn't resist arrest, since it wouldn't matter for much longer anyway. He was taken to a holding cell for the night. Since he had nothing else to do, Judas went to sleep. Judas found himself once again to be in god's hall, with God sitting on his dais at the end. He strolled casually over to the foot of the dais and looked around.

'So this is what its like to be dead huh?'

'Um… actually…' said God, looking worried.

'Kinda dull huh.'

'Erm…'

'Where's everyone else?'

'Well' said god 'actually your not dead, I um… sort-of made a bit of a mistake. I was actually looking for Judas McEean. You've still got about fifty years or so. Um… sorry'

The judge sat in stand and looked down at Judas.

'To the charges given, what do you plead?'

'Um… divine incompetence…?'